Jay Firebaugh's Blog

Smoking in Mass Effect 2

2010-02-13T11:36:00.001-05:00

Why does a futuristic sci-fi video game need to have a character that smokes cigarettes? See my post on g4tv "Feedback" show. www.g4tv.com

Dell Sucks

2009-10-26T20:13:00.000-04:00

Dell support SUCKS!!!! Dell laptops SUCK!!! Dell SUCKS!!! Never again
Dell support SUCKS!!!! Dell laptops SUCK!!! Dell SUCKS!!! Never again
Dell support SUCKS!!!! Dell laptops SUCK!!! Dell SUCKS!!! Never again

Sept 2009 Update

2009-09-23T09:33:00.000-04:00

Hey,
Been a while, eh? Yeah, well I BEEN BUSY!!!!
Haha
Last update was… April 2009. wow! Ok, so now it’s September 22, 2009, 5 months later. And I know you’re asking; “Hey Jay! What’s happened in the past 5 months?

You are SO curious!!!

Keep your panty hose on… I’ll tell ya what’s happened – in chronological order (sortof).

1. I won the lottery – got $3 million!!! (oh wait, that wasn’t in the past, that’s in the future - sorry)

1. Pool News
-We finished the Spring pool session – didn’t make playoffs.
-CapOne had another round of layoffs – my group was hit hard – I got a LOT more work to do – it’s ok cause I like staying busy but it was hard keeping up at first there.
-Hao found a job in NC – works from home in Richmond mostly now though – saw him rarely over the summer
-Summer session was my last session – taking the fall session off – probably taking next spring off as well
-I haven’t picked up a cue in weeks
-Been thinking I might hook up w/ whoever else is interested and entering that weekly 8-ball tournament on southside at Diamond Billards. Let me know if you’re interested.
-ALSO – it’s about time to have a bottle of scotch w/ my buddy Vince in the guyrage – been too long! Anyone else interested let me know. Fri or Sat 10/2, 10/3 looks good

2. Softball
-I finished up playing my men’s league softball on Monday nights through the end of July. It was fun. Not sure I’ll do it again but it was a lot of fun. One thing I’m proud of is that I went the whole season (~3 months) and didn’t get injured. Imagine that, an old guy like me! I was about 10 years older than most of the guys out there btw.
-My daughters team continues to keep me busy w/ practices 2 nights a week and tournaments every couple of weeks or so. One thing that bothers me about softball is there are 3 or 4 girls on our team that are disrespectful to me and seem to dislike me a great deal. Not sure what I ever did to them but whatever. The team did win a tournament a couple weeks ago in Cville though. THAT was fun.

3. August Happenings
-Had the typical week of lots of family, lots of fun, and lots of food at Emerald Isle in August.
-Sarah and Clayton got married in August – it was a huge wedding – big event – tons of fun.
-We dropped off my oldest at Emory and Henry College. Ouch! Actually, everyone keeps asking me how sad I am about it. I’m not sad, honestly, I’m extremely happy! Happy for her!

4. Now
I love this time of year. Kids go back to school. Weather gets cooler here and there. Leaves. Everything feels sorta new to me. It’s funny cause on Jan 1 every year I don’t get a “new year” type feeling. I get that in Sept. Yeah, we all know I’m a little off. Heh heh – I like it that way!

Here’s hoping it won’t be another 5 months till my next update. Have a good one. Drop me a note at jay.firebaugh@capitalone.com

More pics from 04-15-09

2009-04-18T07:57:00.004-04:00

Pics from pool night 04-15-09

2009-04-18T07:42:00.009-04:00

Hao doing a commercial for the APA.

Tbone lining up that corner pocket

Bobtail - a bit fuzzy but that's him

Pool night - 04-01-09

2009-04-02T11:23:00.002-04:00

Yes, I’ve been away from this blog for a while - missed quite a few weeks. I make no apologies. I’m quite busy at work these days and its spring so softball is in full swing which takes a lot of my free time and there’s just been a lot going on.

This has been a tough session. I mean, we are really struggling to capture the few wins we’ve gotten. Last night was no exception. We lost 55-45. At least that was better than last week which was 65-35. Or the week before when it was 80-20. Yeah, ouch. Like I said.

And I should call out the fact that we do have some players that are playing pretty well, despite the rest of us. Hao has 67% win rate and Mick is a close second at 56%.

Me? I am THE WORST! I am just in a terrible slump right now. I gotta break outta this deal and get something going.

Anyhoo, now that I’ve cheered you up. I will say we are still having fun. I know I am at least.

Last night it was Master Hui up first. He played Kenny (SL3). Kenny’s the tattooed dude w/ finely styled beard and hair. Heavyset, as in big beer gut - stud earrings – cargo shorts. You’re starting to get the picture. I guess Kenny’s the typical pool hall patron, eh?
(SL4) Hao – (SL3) Kenny
Hao won 31-18

Next was Stephanie who got to play Bob. Biker Bob. Biker Bob who liked to talk about pickles. Pickles, pickles, pickles. Steph just loved all the pickle prose from Bob and his team of pickling picklers. They kept talking about “their” pickles trying to impress Steph. I could tell she was on the verge of telling them to shove their pickle up their pooper. Haha But she bit her tongue and got thru it.
(SL4) Steph – (SL3) Bob
Steph lost 27-25 (as in, Steph had 27 and needed 31 – so it was puuurty close eh?)

Tbone was next and had a very close match w/ another Scott. It was a Scott vs Scott match. Very diff from a Tbone vs Tbone match or just a plain bone vs bone match. Ahem Tbone looked like he had him right up until the end when Scott made a surge in the last rack or so to take the win. Some people thrive on that pending doom of a loss, others fall into a deep depression and just play even more poorly, and then there’s some that are just too scared to win. Tbone isn’t really any of these far as I know. I’m just sayin
(SL5)-(SL5)
Tbone lost 38-32

I was next and basically sucked something awful. I played Mike, an average looking, easy going sortof fella – can’t say anything bad about the guy. He played well, I didn’t.
(SL7) Jay – (SL6) Mike
Jay lost 34-46 (I needed 21 balls to win – sheesh!)

Mickster was last – pulled up the rear – and held up the teams rear as it turned out. It went down to the wire as both gentlemen needed 1 ball to win. Mick’s opponent Ronnie had the break but couldn’t make it happen. Mick has been in a pattern lately in that he takes a big lead at the start but then, for some reason, he feels sorry for his opponents and then lets them back in the game. Same thing happened last night w/ Ronster Monster. But Mick got the last shot and that’s all that matters sometimes.
(SL3)-(SL3)
Mick won 25-24

The Fretzinator was there last night but didn’t play. No fritz from the fretz. He will be fretzing next week I’m sure.

Vincent was AWOL last night as he was out of town doing late work at one of Virginia’s fine correctional facilities. No doubt he was declining parole for various low-lifes. Oh! You didn’t know that was his job? I’m totally serious.

And we had a brief visit from Thomas last night. Very brief! I guess after he saw a few minutes of the carnage of my match he had to leave to throw up. Yeah, I was that bad.

Our wait staff last night was Chrissy. Not bad. She’s no Rachel but not bad. I liked the hustle. Rachel must’ve trained her.

So…. no promises on updates for the future. Maybe I’ll just take/post some pics as suggested by Shunying. She wants visual evidence of Hao actually being there! Ha!

Pool night - 03-18-09

2009-03-19T07:25:00.004-04:00

Slump

Such a negative word: slump
Sounds slippery while at the same time feels like your body melted right out of your chair and onto the floor.

Sssssssslump...

We lost 4 of 5 matches last week. We lost all 5 matches last night. I'm declaring that we are in a slump.

Kudo's to Hao and Bobtail who seem to be holding up the team however. Hao was THE winner last week and last night he came w/in 2 points of winning so... And Bobtail has won more than he's lost which is more than any of the rest of us can say so... Actually I think Mick is 4 and 3 so far this season so I take that bac. Kudos to Mick as well.

So

Such an overused word: so
I hate the word "so". It's so... unproductive.

ha

Pool night - 03-04-09

2009-03-05T08:15:00.001-05:00

I’m tired.

Very tired.

So, so tired.

Pool last night was great.

We won.

Snnnnnn….. snk…. snk…
(me snoring)

I need more sleep.

I need… rest.

Okay, I’ll write something and maybe that’ll get me going.

Um…

Yawn…

Na

Too tired

CYA L8R - maybe

Pool night - 02-11-09

2009-02-14T16:05:00.001-05:00

Pool was much more successful this week as compared to last week. Last week, as you recall, we lost all 5 matches. This week we won 3 of 5 matches. I’d call that a success wouldn’t you? Now, on the points earned we split w/ the opponent team 50/50. That doesn’t happen too often but I can live w/ it. We also went in to the night tied w/ our opponent team, Bastinado, which also doesn’t happen too often. I think we’re tied for 6th place in our division. So, tied going in and tied coming out. Hey! Better than losin, eh?

See pics posted in an earlier entry. I think the team is getting tired of those so I’m gonna take a break from that for a while. I’ll wait till Tbone is lining up a 9-ball to win a match in the playoffs before I bring the camera out again. Hows that? That good for you Tbone?

On to the match details…

First player for the night was Vince who was matched up w/ Todd. Todd proclaimed himself “pretty” early in the match. Or was it “not pretty” like many of his shots? Actually, in the end, it was those few “not pretty” shots that did Vince end. Vince only lost by 4!
SL3 (Vince) – SL4 (Todd)
Vince lost 21-31

Next player up was just aching to get to the table. Tbone! Who else? He’s just been aching for some fresh meat lately and boy did he get his wish. He played Shaun, a very big boy, a very big “meaty” boy. Tbone basically sliced him up and served him on a platter.
SL4 (Scott) – SL5 (Shaun)
Scott won 31-34

And, out of nowhere, Jay posts this reference cause god knows… you guys never remember! Haha!

Reference:
SL1 to win: 14
SL2 to win: 19
SL3 to win: 25
SL4 to win: 31
SL5 to win: 38
SL6 to win: 46
SL7 to win: 55
SL8 to win: 65
SL9 to win: 75

Okay, so we’re 1 and 1. Keeping up w/ the tie theme for the night, I gotta go w/ Stephanie here. You know, to break the tie. Unfortunately, Steph got matched against Big Jim. And when I say “big” I’m talking about the gut here folks. In a word; massive. Obviously Jim’s spent a lot of time consuming a bazillion beers and possibly a bazillion pints of Cherry Garcia or some other dairy product that’s stuck to his innards. So, taking a look at this mass Steph was obviously intimidated and couldn’t hang. If he could’ve just stopped all that drooling on the table… Guess he was hungry and Steph was just… there, so.
SL4 (Steph) – SL3 (James)
Steph lost 21-25

So now we’re down a match and it’s time so naturally it’s time to engage Master Hui. Hao was matched w/ an extremely good fella, Papa Joe. Can’t say one thing bad about Papa Joe – he’s just too nice a guy to cutup. Even when Hao won by a very small margin, Papa Joe showed he had class – kept smiling and congratulated Hao in his persistence. And you know what they say about persistence and how it pays off, eh? Master Hui knows.
SL4 (Hao) – SL5 (Papa Joe)
Hao won 31-35

Tied up again, 2 matches to 2. Time for my silver bullet. My ace in the hole. My… oh, who am I kiddin? I ain’t been playing well AT ALL so I really had no choice. I had to throw Bobtail. Haha. Turned out to be an excellent idea too. And not because he kept singing; “put me in coach! I’m ready to play… today” Bobtail got to play Joe III, son of Papa. It was not very close. Bobtail kicked it in to high gear to basically sweep the last 2 racks and dominate for the match.
SL5 (Bobby) – SL6 (Joe)
Bobby won 38-34

And guess who joined us, again. It was Mr. Peters! Thomasina! The Tom-Tomer! Mr. Thomas Petrovski from the Russian mafia. Haha I kid. I’m a kidder. But Thomas was indeed there. I think he likes showing up to show us all up – like to prove he’s still got IT. Hey, you can kid me Thomas, it’s in your blood. Sooner or later you will be back. We all come back. The real pool players that is.

Mick was out of action, out of town, for this particular night - vacationing in the balmy Outer Banks. Yes, I said balmy – he has a big heat lamp in his living room there and he likes to relax in his speedo. Well, that’s what I heard. Ahem

The Fretzinator and myself cooled the bench for the night. And the ever on-top-of-things Rachel was our waitress. Somebody outta get that girl some roller blades. Not that she needs them cause she has zippy service in her sneakers. I just feel sorry for her sometimes. You know those puppys are barkin at the end of her shift. Especially w/ the Big Jims of the place ordering pitcher after pitcher after pitcher…

Cya next week you pool bums!

Pics from Feb 2009

2009-02-12T18:39:00.016-05:00

Gordo and Mick trade jabs about football. I think Mick liked some Pennsylvania team. Eagles maybe. I can't remember. ahem

Note how close Hao has to hold the score sheet. That boy needs thicker glasses, eh?

Note the absence of balls on the table. That's a good sign if you're the one standing next to the table at the time, eh?

Tbone chewing on a... tbone!

The Fretzinator in action

Vince sinks another 9

Finally got her picture! Look! It's Stephanie!

Bobtail focusing on that table over there - focusing hard!

Master Hui is not sure if he should pose for the shot or not. hmmm

Thomas has no patience for the camera man

Books I read in 2009

2009-02-08T10:13:00.008-05:00

Time for my annual posting of what I read last year. This year I'm leaving out the books I've read for work purposes. They're boring and you wouldn't read them anyway. But... you might try some of the ones below. And this year, I've added some review comments. I am just SO nice to you! Whoever you are that is!

Also, I think I've shorted you cause I know I read more books last year than what I list here. I think I just took them upstairs or put them in the garage and forgot about them. Oh well, you'll have to do w/ this list.

Watchmen by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons: This is a "graphic novel". HA! Why don't they just call it what it is? Is a whole comic book series put into one book. What's odd about this is that I got it back almost a year ago, spring 2008, BEFORE all the Watchmen movie adds came out. Anyway, it's okay - good story - not stereotypical hero vs villian story you see in a comic.

Batman: Year One by Miller, Mazzucchellie, Lewis: Another graphic novel. I always liked Batman a lot cause he's just a man. No super hero sci-fi abilities, just 100% human. Heavy on the Jim Gordon content. I liked the printing of the sketches in the back sorta to show you how comics are done.

The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz: Excellent book - mostly about Oscar but lots about his mother, sister, family, etc. It's basically lots of stories pasted together into one book - not chapters per se, but diff books/stories. I thought the format was diff/refreshing. Oscar is this overweight latino kid who is a basic loser, lonely, and lovestruck.

The Devil to Pay by Harrold Robbins and Junius Podrug: I'd call this a Starbucks type book cause it's basically a soap opera type book about the coffee industry. No, I kid. Actually I liked it but there's few books I don't like so... Anyway, this is about a lady who quickly leaves the US on the run and finds all sorts of trouble in the "coffee mafia" so to speak in Columbia.

Fleeced by Dick Morris and Eileen McGann: Strongly politically sided book. I have to admit, after I started reading what they had to say about credit card companies I had to put this one down. I work at Capital One and trust me, there's no conspiracy by our company to rid the world of all their money. Sheez - these folks are insane on the "they're all out to get us" attitude.

Kill Me by Stephen White: Good story here. It's about this rich guy who finds out he's gonna die anyway so he hires this assassin for hire type company to do him. Yeah, I know. Anyway, the guy sorta changes his mind and is basically on the run from the company he hired (to kill him - ahem). Confused? Well, you won't be cause it's an easy read.

Just After Sunset by Stephen King: Anybody that knows me knows I've read a LOT of King. Love his work. This book is no exception - it's awesome. Short stories: 13 of em. It was great to have this handy for short reads. Nice to start AND finish something in one sitting. Not like my other books which seem to take forever cause I'm such a slow reader. But hey, I LIKE to read slow and think about the story more.

Dark Summer by Iris Johansen: This is definitely a dog lovers book. It's probably also a book I'd put in the romantic novel category even though it's not marketed as such. It's just that the story kept covering relationships and if she was gonna do it w/ him, etc. etc. yawn on a lot of those parts. But I liked the sci-fi bits involving the dogs and their ability to heal humans. Also nice twist on that bit at the end of the book.

The Shotgun Rule by Charlie Huston: Excellent story about a group of teens in a semi-poor burb in CA. The teens get in trouble by warring w/ some other teens - bad boys into bad things. Good morals, loyal friendship, and good parenting win in the end. Some of the parents are wacko's though. Anyway, I'd say this is a good read for a teenager.

The Keepsake by Tess Gerritsen: Definitely a good read. Sortof an archaeologist gone bad sorta book. This lady gets all these "presents" from this sicko before he goes after her. Neat story, suspenseful, creative. I liked it a lot.

Current book I'm reading is The Story of Edgar Sawtelle by David Wroblewski. So far so good. I'm ~350 pages in to the 550+ page book. It's another dog lovers book - lots of doggie details about raising dogs, training them to behave, etc. But mostly it's about Edgar and his family. Edgar is mute but not deaf which makes it more interesting.

I have several books on my shelf to read as well. So many books, so little time...

Pool night - 02-04-08

2009-02-07T10:07:00.004-05:00

One of the great things about losing a pool match is that you can really see the weak spots in your game. This makes it really better when you go practice cause now you know what to work on. See? See how it’s better than winning? (ahem) I mean, when you win, usually everything’s going right and your weak spots don’t show. The weak spots are there mind you, you just didn’t notice them as much cause you won. After you win you really are just on this high and you really haven’t noticed any weak spots cause… you won! you’re jazzed about the win! Look at me! Look at me! I won! You Lost! Nanny-nanny boo boo! Hahaha

So naturally, I’m thrilled w/ our team results from this past Wednesday night cause… EVERYBODY lost! That’s just great cause now everyone has in mind HOW they lost and WHY they lost and now they know what to work on right? Seriously, I’ve always thought playing good pool has to do w/ how much you’re able to be aware of the table, aware of the situation, aware of the current shot vs the next shot vs the next, aware of your stance, stroke, aim, etc. Speaking for myself, my awareness has been totally in the shitter these past few weeks. It’s the economy. I’m just too darned distracted.

Okay, so, the above is not funny. I’ll try to write “funny” now.

We played at the Triple on Wednesday. Where’d they get that name “Triple” from anyway? Anybody know? I mean, yeah, a pool rack is a triangle but it’s sortof a stretch to get “triple” from a “triangle”, eh? Maybe it’s cause you have triple the fun at the Triple. Or maybe its cause you have to play triple the price on drinks. Oh I know, it’s cause the cooks in the back are these triplets, three very large men w/ scratchy beards, BO, and bad attitudes, and if you don’t like the food they take you out back and beat the snot outta ya. Well… that’s what I heard.

Actually, they have really good food at the Triple. I had the chicken salad sammich btw and it was gooo ood!

Also actually, from the above you’d think we got our butts whipped but really it was very close. I will… elaborate on that now - for your reading pleasure. Say that slowly: eeelaaaboooraaate. It’s funny right? Funny word!

The Mickster was up first. Working on a nickname for Mick. Something like “Irish Cream” maybe cause he likes to “cream” his opponents. Or maybe “Big Mick” as opposed to “Big Mac”, you know, like the sammich at McDonalds. Big Mick is… a heart attack for his victims. Yeah, that’s, um, good Jay. I’ll work on it. So anyway, Mick faced this big momma Lesli who skunked her opponent week before (20-0) so we were a little worried to say the least. Mick started off well though and kept on strong till the last rack when Lesli surged and got 8 of 10 points, basically sealing the deal. Bitch!
SL3(Mick)-SL2(Lesli)
Mick lost 22-19 – only by 3 points!

The Fretzinator was next and I had a lot of confidence on this throw cause during practice, well, let’s just say the Fretzinator was in very good form and just tore up the table during practice. Not saying he whipped my butt several times mind you. I wouldn’t say that. That’s what happened of course but hey, I didn’t say that! Wait, I think I just said that. Dammit! Anyway, Gordon faced Ariel, opponent team captain. Gordon did well till the last couple racks or so when basically a lot of the balls rattled in the pocket instead of going in. And he missed a fairly easy shot, breaking his confidence a bit. I hate when that happens!
SL4-SL4
Gordon lost 31-25, by 6 points!

Next up was Mr. Beefeater, Tbone the terrible! Haha Actually Scott has been Dr. Heckle and Mr. Hyde lately. He tears it up in the guyrage, he tears it up AFTER all the matches during practice, but then when he gets in a real match he’s been crumbling like blue cheese. Hey Tbone, Dr. Heckle called and said to drink 3 very large glasses of Metamucil and get some of that beef unstuck from the walls of your colon. It’ll help you shoot better! Haha
SL4-SL4
Scott lost 17-31

Same time Scott played, Master Hui played. Hao played Eric who ALWAYS wears a ball cap, on backwards. Ya know, I used to wear ball caps like that – when I was TWELVE!!! Na, I guess I shouldn’t give ole Eric a bad time. He shot pretty well. I especially like the shot when he slammed the cue ball off the table all the way over to the next table where James was beating up on poor Scott. And of course, you know exactly where that cue ball hit James – right in the buttocks! Not on the left side – not on the right side – directly in the middle! Hahaha! Totally hilarious! Ya know, that’s what I tell people right after I say; “You can kiss my ass!” “Not on the left side – not on the right side – directly in the middle!” I heard that in a ski movie years ago – sounds really funny if you use a German accent. [good advice in this blog!] Anyway, Master Hui got took but it was THE closest match of the night. Hey, at least he didn’t take a cue ball up the butt!
SL4-SL4
Hao lost 30-31

Filling in the 5 spot was Bobtail. I knew whoever we threw in the last match would have to play Sean (SL9 – yeah, that’s a 9!). I should’ve played him but like I said earlier. I been playin like crapola lately. Bobtail’s been playing fairly well so I thought it was the best choice. Sean ran many racks and seemed to stay at the table forever so I didn’t think it was even close. I didn’t even keep score – just practiced w/ the guys. It wasn’t till after the match I realized how close it was. Bobtail only lost by 2. Actually, he had a really close shot – balls close together around the side pocket – and he missed. If he’d made that shot and the next he’d have won the match. THAT’S how close it was. Sheez! It just wasn’t our night.
SL5(Bobtail)-SL9(Sean
Bobtail lost 36-75

Our server was Laura and Rebecca – kindof a tag team – but mostly Laura. They did pretty well considering there was like this big “office fun night” event there. There were all these folks there w/ name badges, apparently having an “official happy hour”. We do that shit where I work too. I guess it’s getting to be the corporate norm/culture these days. Anyway, we had fun watching all those people leave one by one. In the end, there were these 4 very drunk dudes and one girl at a table in the back. Looked like they were flipping coins to see which one would go home w/ her. Hahaha

Steph was there rooting us on. She didn’t get to play. But her back is better. I forgot to ask for piggy back rides around the table though! Maybe next week. And Thomas showed up on his lunch break again. Yeah, he doesn’t miss pool league. Not at all! Not Thomas!

Vincent was taking the night off so he could pick up his significant other at the airport. Ya just have to know that standing next to Vincent, she’d HAVE to be more significant than him right? Hahaha – jus kiddin big guy! We expect you back next week!

Sorry - no pics this week - the ones I took sucked big-time. Next week you people better smile or I'm gonna take pictures of peoples butts! Not the left side, not the right side... right in the middle! I mean it!

Pool night - 01-28-09

2009-01-30T18:36:00.003-05:00

Pool on Wednesday night was a treat. You know, kinda like when you give your dog a doggie biscuit cause he pooped in the yard instead of on the carpet. You know, a real treat! Gooood doggie! What? Don’t have a dog? Okay, well, pool on Wednesday was like when all these kids come to your door on Halloween and you have to give them treats. You know, when they say “trick or treat!” and you give em a handful of warm candy corns you been carrying in you front pocket for the past hour or so. [hey you give what you want and I’ll give em what I want, eh?] Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, Wednesday was like a treat! You know, like how Microsoft treats us to a nice little break while we wait and wait and WAIT! for Windows to boot up. Hey, we get to use Windows now!!! It’s been a lovely 15 minute break!!! YAY!!! So, notice anything about these “treats” I mention? We’re the ones actually giving the treats out and others are the ones enjoying them: Dog gets biscuit, Kids get our candy, and Microsoft gets all our freakin time. All we get is screwed. That’s how I look at this past Wednesday. The other team got a treat and we got to give it. We lost 57-43.

Okay, so I’m a sore loser maybe. I lost to Rayman [from now on referred to as “Nemesis #1”] I just don’t like how I lost. He had 4 lucky shots in the last 2 racks. Yeah, I was like 10 points behind but I didn’t get a chance there at the end. But I lost – I could’ve played better – I could’ve won – I could take responsibility for not playing better. But screw that! Feels much better to sulk right? Hey, sometimes it does! We know it’s wrong but we sulk anyway. Why? Cause it feels better! So…. get a w a y from me!

Sulk, sulk, sulk…

Still sulking….

Okay, I feel better now.

Sorry

Serves you right for giving me your attention for reading this crap. Anyway, let’s get on w/ the story for Wednesday.

Scott played Kevin and lets just say I’m probably not the only one sulking. Kevin’s the fun-loving southern-styled talker of the opponent team – a good shot and fun to hang out w/. Tbone was apparently not liking going first and couldn’t deal w/ the leaves he kept leaving himself.
SL5 (Scott) – SL6 (Kevin)
Scott lost 18-46

Mick was next and had the most impressive win of the night beating this guy named Jeff. Jeff was pretty normal looking, which is very odd for being on Raymans team btw. He was a fair player but Mick took an early lead and kept the pressure on the whole match.
SL3 (Mick) - SL4(Jeff)
Mick won 25-21

Just about then our ole buddy Thomas came in for a visit. Can you believe that?!?!! Thomas!!!! On a lunch break from his big fat fancy new job but still has the time to visit his old buds. What a guy! It took some arm twisting but the guys finally got him to the table for a game or two. He didn’t look too rusty to me either. Dude’s still got it. Maybe we can persuade him to come back some day. Damn deserter!

Then it was Bobtail’s turn to take the stage playing good ole John. I got John in a snap w/ Rachel – see snaps below. All I can say is that at least Bobby and Mick had fun on pool night – they both won. Laughing while walking around the table – flashing money in my face (see snaps again) – ha ha ha – damn winners! Sulk, sulk, sulk.
SL5(Bobby) – SL3(John)
Bobby won 38-21

Vince got to play this older lady who was apparently looking for a man. She had the low cut blouse, the tight jeans, and the fancy hair and all but wait… something’s wrong w/ this picture… OH NO!!! She did NOT look good. She just looked… unattractive. Now, far be it from me to cut somebody up. Yall know me now, right? So, maybe I should just shut up about it. Anyway, somehow Vince lost – not sure why cause I was too busy w/ my match and catching up w/ Thomas.
SL3(Vince) – SL2(Susan)
Vince lost 19-14

I was last and lost to Rayman – told you already – so… suck it!
SL7-SL7
Jay lost 55-43

Our server was the ever lovely Rachel and no that wasn’t copy/pasted from the many previous articles I’ve written. Might as well have though. Excellent service as usual from Rachel. Never get tired of her laugh.

Big thanks to Hao who was there to help out w/ the score keeping. Hao reports that the Chinese New Year is just like the American New Year this year. As in, it’s the year of the Ox and Ox in Chinese is “Niu” so, you can say “Happy New Year” or “Happy Niu Year” and nobody will know what you really mean is “Happy Ox Year”. What a treat, right?

And Steph decided to take the night off to rest her back. How selfish of her! That's okay yall, she's promised to "treat" us all to piggy-back rides around the table next week! Yeeee Hawww! I'm bringing my riding crop!

snaps from 01-28-09

2009-01-30T18:28:00.015-05:00

Thomas shows he can still shoot

But he doesn't like his picture being taken

Pool night - 01-22-09

2009-01-22T08:06:00.004-05:00

Jay in Vince's head gear

The pool outing last night was not entirely successful. Everyone lost except Master Hui. Ah well, that’s how the cue ball treats you sometimes. Like a red-headed step-child. Like a recently ex’d girlfriend w/ a mind to cut your balls off. Or like a new girlfriend w/ a scorching case of herpes. Yes, my mind is warped.

Our venue last night was not our usual Playing Field. We played at Stool Pigeons, on 15th Street in the Bottom. Our waitress was a nice girl named Stefanie, pronounced like Stefanie in Gwen Stefanie. Anyway, she was quite entertaining, probably like Gwen Stefanie would be if she waited on us, and even offered to dance for us. No kiddin! And that festive attitude fit right in w/ the very RED pool tables and all the TV’s playing music/dance videos (mostly Michael and Janet Jackson even).

First up was Stephanie who’s had a rough few days recently. Some idiot ran a red and smashed her car as well as her back. But she was there, toughing it out, playing some guy named Lewis. Lewis was a pretty good shot and took no mercy on the car and back situation. Not very gentlemanly if I do say so myself.
SL4-SL4 match
Steph lost 31-19

Next up was some brainless fool. Oh wait, that was me! I played Pavel, this guy from the Russian mafia. Actually he said Ukraine but who can tell w/ that thick accent of his. It was a very close match. If I could’ve sunk that one ball in the side at the end I would’ve won. The side pocket was definitely not my friend last night though.
SL7-SL7 match
Jay lost 55-51

Taking the 3 slot was The Fretzinator. His opponent was this guy named Que. I’m not kidding. I asked if his last name was Stick but there was no laugh. I guess they didn’t get it huh? ahem Anyway, Gordon had the unique ability last night of getting the cue ball to cozy right up next to object balls. Amazing feat of skill actually. Doesn’t work too well in the long run though. Que took a diff strategy and pulled out a win.
SL4-SL4
Gordon lost 17-31

Vincent was next and, you guessed it, matched up against a pretty girl, again. He always seems to get matched up w/ pretty girls. And you know what Vince always says; “You just can’t beat a pretty girl.” It’s true. Law of nature I guess. Insult to injury was how this girl, Cynthia, finished the match. She’s a SL2 and sank 3 on the last break to win. Sheez!
SL3 (Vince) - SL2 (Cynthia)
Vince lost 10-19

The one spark of happiness last night came from Master Hui who pulled up the rear. He played Phil, an angry young man, a tall African-American angry young man. Hao was not intimidated. He came out strong in the beginning and never looked back. Dr. Phil did NOT like the situation and whined quite profusely. Many times. He was definitely a sore loser. Way to stick it to him Hao. Get it? STICK it to him? ahem
SL4 (Hao) - SL3 (Dr. Phil)
Hao won 31-15

So… the team score was not good. We lost 35-65. I won’t even accent that w/ the typical “Ouch!” Instead, I will say; “Daaaaamn! Sheeeez! WTF?!” haha We’ll just have to pound our opponents next week to make up for it. And if we can’t pound em we’ll kick em. Real hard even!
Mick took the night off to go vacation for one night at his house on the beach. He SAID his house was having trouble w/ the heat. Rumor is that it was just an excuse to get away. I guess a man needs solitude sometimes. I know I do. And Bobtail and T-bone were off playing Texas Holdem. Apparently that’s some sort of poker game. I never heard of it. I think it has something to do w/ a bunch of guys who sit around a table wearing cowboy hats and hold each others hands while they play cards. Silly boys!

2009-01-16T10:19:00.015-05:00

Some miscellaneous pool pics. I pay no medical bills for sizzled corneas.

Jay w/ pen in hand - keeping score - looking badly in need of a hair cut and shave.

Vincent - scheming his next play

Vincent and Dave laugh at yet another laughable table layout!

Bobtail here laughing as he convinces everyone for "one mo game! c'mon!"

Tbone takes control of the situation

The Fretzinator glides around the table as he smokes his opponent

Master Hui poses for image capture

Pool night - 01-15-09

2009-01-15T09:14:00.003-05:00

Streeeeeetch! [that’s me stretching – get it? - just a bear coming out of hibernation - waking up after a long Holiday break from pool] Ahhh! Okay, I’m awake now. So what’re we talking about? Oh yeah! Pool!

I’m glad to get back to writing this… junk, this stuff, this… crap. Feels good. And I’m so happy you decided to take 5 whole minutes to read it – probably in the bathroom! – but hey, at least someone’s actually reading it! And it’s okay to read it in the bathroom. Heck, I’d write this stuff in the bathroom if I could. I think the laptop would just fall off my knees though. Maybe it’s worth a try – hmmm, I’ll have to get back to you on that.

It also feels good to get back to the pool hall. Don’t you just love the place? I mean, what’s not to love? You know what I love, a great deal in fact, is the smell. Seriously! I mean, where else can you smell a mixture of stale cigarette smoke, mildewed carpet from beer spills, french fries, and stanky ho bitch ass? Hmmm? I ask you! I just love it! And the people! Gotta love em right?! A guy’s T-shirt playing one table over from us said; “Fuck you, you fucking fuck!” Nice right? I tell ya, you just can’t find friendly people like you find in a pool hall! Just can’t be done! Anyway, let’s get on w/ the game details shall we?

First up was the Fretzinator. Ole Gordo was not in his usual Wednesday routine and forgot his cue. Yep, left it at home. I’d like to see him explain that one to the wife. Mrs. Fretzinator; “Let’s see Mr., you’re telling me you went to the pool hall BUT YOU FORGOT YOUR CUE!!!! ENOUGH! WHAT’S HER NAME DAMMIT?!?! YOU’RE SCREWING AROUND ON ME I JUST KNOW IT!!!” Haha Just kiddin. I’m sure they have a very secure relationship. Who couldn’t just love the Fretzinator?!? Hahaha Anyway, where was I? Oh! So Gordon’s opponent was this Vince look alike dude. Same glasses, same salt/pepper beard, same bald head, same shaped body, same left earring. Oh wait, Vince doesn’t have an earring. Anyway, Gordon borrowed a cue and took care of business – match wasn’t even close.
SL4-SL4 match
Gordon won 22-31

Next up was our new teammate, Mick, who got to play Kenny. Once I got a look at Kenny I had to try to look at the entire opponent team and see if these guys were in a biker gang or something. Kenny had tats all over both arms, what looked like a Harley T-shirt. I say “looked like” cause I couldn’t get close enough to read it – didn’t wanna get close! Kenny also sported lovely black earring studs, both ears – big suckers – almost the size of a dime. And Vince noticed that Kenny’s beard was finely manicured. Tats, earring studs, manicured beard – hmmm – yeah, I guess that goes together. So, Mick, coming from a long line of biker bearded tattooed family members had no trouble getting comfortable at the table and took care of business. Way to start out the session big guy!
SL3-SL3
Mick won 25-20

I’m so excited at this point I had to pee. Wee wee wee - I gotta pee! Hahaha! So off I go to drain the weasel and next thing you know the Fretzinator just takes over the whole damn team and throws Bobtail into the match. WTF Gordo?! Haha Jus kiddin. Bobby was next. The Bobtail’s opponent was another biker dude named Scott. More tattoos, definitely a Harley T, and this one had a ponytail. It was one of those long skinny ponytails. It’s the kind of ponytail that says; “Hey! I can grow long hair if I want to. So you just better watch yourself buster!” And Scott was a good shot. Very confident. He even gave bobby the 8 AND 9 at the end of one rack. I have to say, I have NEVER seen anyone do that. Ballzy. Anyway, Scott’s confidence led to a victory.
SL5-SL5
Bobby lost 20-25

And sometime around then is when we went to 2 tables. I tell ya, I looked at that team of biker dudes and asked myself; Now who on my team is best to send into the lions den? Who on my team can handle playing way over there on table 2 w/ those dudes just looking you up and down, making cat calls, hissing, making kiss-kiss noises while you shoot? Hmmm, well, no “hmmmm” actually. I didn’t have to think twice about it. I knew right away they were NO match for Stephanie. Oh ho ho hooo! Those biker bitches were in deep doo-doo now buddy! So I sicked her on their asses. And, of course, she chewed through one of those poor boys asses like a Doberman through a steak. Chomp-chomp-chomp! And you know, those idiots had the audacity to tell Steph she shot a foul on a close shot. Boys, I apologize. In all fairness, I shoulda warned you who you were dealing w/ here. I feel sorry for any man who crosses Steph. She will eat you alive! I’m telling ya! Haha Score wound up extremely heavy on Steph’s side and eentzy-weentzy on the biker dudes side. We’re talking sumo wrestler vs Pee-wee Herman here.
SL4(Steph)-SL3
Steph won 31-14

Pulling up the rear was Vince, who also got thrown onto table 2, the lions den. And I’m afraid after the pounding Steph dished out these fellas were in no mood for Vince’s many clever conversation starters. Some you know this, some of you will find out eventually, but Vince prides himself on filling up dead air space. Here are a few examples he used on me last night:
1. Hey, do you like laced shoes or loafers? Me, I prefer loafers – too busy to tie. I just love loafers don’t you? Let’s talk about it. What’s your political stance on footwear?
2. Hey, did you hear that Obama was caught squeezing Hillary’s thigh under the table at that big press announcement the other day? It’s true! So tell me, do you like women w/ big thighs?
3. Hey, do your kids have a goldfish? I love goldfish. Especially w/ salt. Hey, next time that waitress comes by tell her I need a menu, eh?
I tell ya, that Vince, he KNOWS how to start, and continue, a conversation. I just love that guy! Haha. So, back to pool. Vince’s opponent was yet another biker dude w/ very long blond hair, and yep, you guessed it, he had a pony tail. Of course! And this time the lions den was not fooling around. They gave Vince a pretty hard time. I think they may have even threatened to drive their Harley’s past his house late at night if he didn’t throw the match. haha
SL3-SL3
Vincent lost 18-25

Our server last night was Heather. Lovely Heather. Nice. Quiet. Always pushing us to drink more – order more food – buy, Buy, BUY!!! Haha

On the sidelines were yours truly, T-bone (aka Scott), and Master Hui (aka Hao). Namaste to my sideline partners. That’s a very “in” thing to say you know; Namaste. Technically I think it mean; I bow to you. But you know, to me, it sounds like you’re saying “nasty” except you threw a “m” in there somewhere. So, when I hear “Namaste” I think “nasty”. So… what the hell, I like to say what I really mean, can’t help it, I’m just too honest, so, NASTY to you my friends. I say again; NASTY! From the bottom of my heart; NASTY!

Ahem

BTW, our team won last night. The score was 56-44. Take that you biker dude bitches! Take it right up your nasty! haha
So that’s it for this week yall. Cya next week at… The Playing Field!

Pool yesterday - 12-17-08

2008-12-18T12:15:00.000-05:00

Pool yesterday was a lot of fun. Note that I said “yesterday” and not “last night”. Actually, Vince, David Soldato, and some other friends had an early start – around 2pm. So it was sortof a long afternoon/evening. I especially enjoyed Thomas, a friend of Vince and David (not our Thomas – previous teammate). Thomas was this character w/ lots of style, a very good player, and a man who knows how to get those balls to behave. Best way I know to describe it. He conversed w/ the table, didn’t just play. Very cool.

Anyway, on to the match details…

Hao got us started last night and was matched up w/ Jim. (SL4-SL4) Jim held the lead the entire match but Hao caught up right at the end. Each needed one ball to win the match in the end and Hao had the break but… nothing went in. I hate when that happens – takes the air right out of you. Then, to add insult to that injury Jim had a very questionable shot – probably was a foul but nobody was officially watching and I didn’t get a good look at it so what can you do. Jim won by default, 31-30.

Vince was next and I thought for sure he would be tearing it up cause he was basically tearing it up all afternoon. He was really playing well. He was matched against his old buddy David. (SL4-SL3) David kicked into high gear for the match and took control though. It was 31-14. Tough loss for my buddy Vince but hey, it was seriously a good time yesterday so I’m sure if you asked Vince today if he cared about the outcome he’d say; what? As in, 1) can’t remember due to all those scotches and 2) the loss really didn’t matter.

Next was Steph who was there in a medically disadvantaged state, she had laryngitis. Ha! One of those sicknesses you have to laugh about. I, for one, enjoyed giving her a hard time about it. Seems she lost her voice from yelling at all those kids she works for. Ha! See? I’m still laughing! Steph was matched against a pitiful SL2, Ellen. (SL4-SL2) Steph had no problem sweeping the poor girl off the table, 31-14. So, BIG shout out (ahem) to Steph!

Scott had the unfortunate luck of going next and being matched up w/ Robbie. (SL5-SL5) I say unfortunate cause I know how good a player Robbie is. Robbie had his usual attire, overalls and NASCAR racing hat (I think – or maybe it was John Deere? whatever) Robbie had a big lead but Scott made a good comeback and only lost 38-25. Fairly respectable I thought. Especially since he was very distracted by this big mamma-jamma girl playing in the corner w/ some guy. This girl had tits out to Arizona and enjoyed slumping them on the table w/ her very open top. Sorta disgusting in my mind. Poor Scott.

I brought up the rear, as I have done in many a match night. I’m a good rear man. If you don’t believe me just ask my wife or any of my many girlfriends. Ha! Okay, not so funny. I played Jim. (SL7-SL6) Jim was basically on fire. I don’t think I played that badly – definitely could’ve been better – but I definitely couldn’t keep up w/ Jim. Some nights everything just falls in place and that’s what Jim was getting from the pool gods yesterday. Score was 46-38.

Servers yesterday were many. We had two Heathers, Laura, and Jennifer. I suppose they split the tips but I’m not sure. They did very well. Nothing extraordinary to report. Sorry.

We went into last night in 6th place playing the 8th place team out of 10 teams. We lost 63-37. Bummer. Playoffs are definitely out of the picture unless we get the ever-so-sought-after wildcard. I’ll let folks know if by some miracle that happens.

So that’s it for this session. We’re all done. No more pool till January – wildcard or not. Boo Hoo Hoo! If you need me, I’ll be in the garage working on my table mojo. Gimme a shout and I’ll hit the button on the garage door opener and let you in.

Pool night - 11-20-08

2008-11-20T08:00:00.001-05:00

Last night was a pretty strong showing by the team. We won 62-38. Nice to have a big win like that. I’ve got a lotta shit on my plate right now so this is gonna be super short.

Vince was amazing. Banks, kicks, cuts – was absolutely ON FIRE!!! Smoked his opponent Jim.

Steph picked up right where Vince left off and gave her opponent Ariel (that’s a guy – probably hates his parents for that name, eh?) – anyway, Steph gave him a right spanking.

Gordon must’ve been inspired cause he stomped his opponent Eric keeping up the theme for the night.

T-bone, aka Scott, had this big mamma-jamma opponent named Heather. Down to the wire but T-bone pulled it out.

I was last and the only loss for the night. Lost to Sean (SL9). Score was 36-75. Not EVEN close.

Server was the ever responsive and attentive Rachel. My drink of choice last night was SoCo ‘n tonic. Yeah, I know – so what?!

Next week is Thanksgiving and Vince will captain the team. I’ll be chowing down on Turkey vittles.

Pool night - 11-12-08

2008-11-13T09:27:00.002-05:00

Pool last night was pretty awesome – we won big – team score was 61-39. It was good too because the team we played was right in the hunt w/ us as far as total points leading to playoffs. The top 2 teams are way out in front on points but everyone else is pretty close. Our win last night will help a lot, eh?

First we shall give a big “shout-out” to Steph who showed up just to make sure we were okay w/o her, but she wasn’t feeling all that well so she called it an early night. [Note: saying “shout-out” is a very popular thing to say these days. Sara Palin uses it every other sentence. Ahem!] Anyway, thanks to Steph for checking. Next time just call me girl! Or text me! Or let’s try that telepathy thing! I’m definitely available in this wireless wondrous world of telecommunications we have.

So… on to the match details…

Leading off was Hao who got to play Big Jim, a very large man – height and width – huge. (SL4-SL4) So, Big Jim had had “a couple”. He’d joined his entire team before the matches for a couple rounds of Tequila shots. And lemme tell ya – that team hit those shots all night – not kiddin – whew! Me thinks it affected their quality of play a bit as well, yes?. Big Jim was no exception. Hao took care of him 31-19. Boom!

I was next and got to play my old buddy Chet. (SL7-SL7) I love Chet to death – helluva guy! In the 2nd rack there was a controversy on the score. Drunkenish Big Jim gave Chet 2 points (da 9-ball) when he should’ve given them to me. Hao, being ever so alert, called him on it. Let’s just say… Big Jim was not happy about the whole thing. Anyway, good catch on Hao’s part. I think I played fairly well – was able to find that state of alcohol equilibrium allowing me to be relaxed yet focused. I won 55-40.

The Fretzinator followed and lost by 1 point, 24-25. Can’t tell you how many matches that’s happened for Gordon – too many. His opponent was Bobby. (SL3-SL3) Bobby was down by almost a rack and had this surge at the very end to take the win. Really frustrating. I hate that. Just when you think you’ve got the win, some asshole gets hot and steals the win from you w/ a lucky streak. Damn!

Bobtail was next and also had a match that went down to the wire. He played Scott. (SL5-SL5) Scott’s a fairly decent fella – not in such a good mood last night though. But he has really excellent taste in T-shirts. His shirt had 2 pictures of hands – hand on the left was giving the finger – hand on the right was pointing straight ahead. Interesting. I have no idea what it meant! You guys got any thoughts? Anyway, Bobby took the win 38-36.

My main man Vincent brought up the rear. He played Keith (SL4), a pretty good player. (SL3-SL4) Keith was playing fairly well – kept a 1 rack lead till the 4th rack when Vincent made this huge charge. I dunno - something turned on for Vince in that 4th rack and he just started making shot after shot, bank after bank. I swear he was channeling Joe Banks. [Big “shout-out” to Joe here!!!] I mean, Vince was snapping full-table banks, cross-corner, side-pocket banks – they were just falling all over the place. It was definitely a site. Very awesome. So Vince won 25-29 giving the team our over-the-top win points-wize.

Our waitress was relatively new. I’ve seen her before but she’d never waited on us before. Her name was Heather. A somewhat big girl. Sorta. Not plump just tallish. I dunno. Maybe it was her head. She has a big head – physically speaking. I don’t think I have the right to be freaked out about it – isn’t THAT big. Anyway, very good service and a nice smile. I’ll give her a thumbs up.

And now, what you’ve all been just dying to know – what you’ve just about peed your pants in anticipation about… Scott’s nickname has been decided. It’s BIRDMEAT!!! Ha ha! Na, just kiddin, dat ain’t it. Those of you that know Scott well enough know he does not eat bird – that’s right - no chicken, no turkey, no bird of any kind. He’s definitely a beef man. Now, Scott has suggested a nickname for himself: T-Bone. Hmmm, T-Bone eh? That brings back memories of Seinfeld episodes w/ George Costanza wanting to be named T-Bone but nobody thinking it fit so… no, sorry, don’t like it. “Beefeater” maybe, but not T-Bone. Hmmm, maybe something like “Sausagalotta” or just “Meat”. Oh well, I guess the jury’s still out on this issue. If any of you have any more good suggestions I’m all ears. This is fun right? Heh heh

Pool night - 11-05-08

2008-11-06T08:40:00.002-05:00

We played the “Ridin’ the 9” team from Stool Pigeons last night. Stool Pigeons is a bar in Shockoe Bottom. Not a bad place as long as you can find good parking and can avoid getting bonked on the head by some bum going to/from your car. Anyway, they won 51-49 even though we won 3 of 5 matches. It was practically a tie so I guess I can live w/ that.

Scott was first and played this guy named Binh. (SL5-SL5) Binh was this fairly small guy w/ a voice that sounded like… well, I’m just guessing that at some point in his life, as a child perhaps, he swallowed a fork and it scraped his vocal cords all up. Or something like that. I’d call it gruff. That’s a good word, eh? To make it worse, the guy never shut up and he tried to talk over the whole room. Hey Binh, shut the hell up will ya!!! whew! glad to get that out of my system. Anyway Scott won 38-28.

Also, I need to give Scott a nickname. Click bottom of this post to leave a comment for a suggestion. My ideas:
The Incisor – cause he carefully cuts up the table
Shuffler – cause he takes his damn time shuffling around before he shoots
Midrange – cause he just LOVES those midrange shots
Scooter – cause he’s just so darn cute!!!

Bobtail played next and was up against their SL6 team captain, Robert. I sat next to Robert keeping score for much of the night. He’s a good guy. Bobtail made quick work of several racks – lots of nice runs. Ever notice how Bobby gets in that rhythm and just zooms around the table? Well, that was him last night. Bobtail took the win 38-27.

Next up was Hao who played this VERY scary chick names Rebecca (SL5). Before her match Rebecca was talking to Robert about how she was so mad about being fired recently from her job. Apparently she thought it was very unfair of them to fire her for drinking while at work. Uh, yeah, I can see that. She also complained to me that she was unhappy w/ the league cause they wouldn’t change her name on the scoresheets. Still showed her married name and she’s divorced now so… damn those league people!!! Anyway, Hao came out strong early and then fizzled a bit but came through in the end to win 31(Hao)-36(Rebecca).

Steph was next and FINALLY the score sheet showed a big fat 4 in the skill level column for her. About time I’d say! So, of course, I had to throw her against a 4, Lewis. Problem is, Lewis is a really good 4. Other problem is, I didn’t know that. Steph lost 31-15. Ah well, welcome to the land of SL4 Steph.

The Fretzinator pulled up the rear, and then he sorta had to take it up the rear. Metaphorically speaking of course. His opponent was Phillip, this extremely tall basketball player from the Detroit area. Well that’s what I heard anyways. First rack lasted forever. Phillip was EXTREMELY lucky on all his leaves. Yet somehow Gordon pulled out ahead. But Phil’s luck could not be denied. As the match went on Phil made lucky shots and lucky leaves all over. That shit just led to giving Philly boy tons of confidence and then he started making tough shots for real. That’s how it happens sometimes folks. So Gordon lost 25-14.

Our waitress was Meagan. Can you believe it? Meagan!!! Sister of Rachel. Meagan was our regular waitress YEARS ago. Haven’t seen her in ages. Meagan is always extremely entertaining. She always has these smart remarks and jabs and lemme tell ya, if there’s any waitress who doesn’t take any shit from anybody, Meagan is definitely it!!! Love that girl.

So… next week we’re back at TPF. Stay tuned you rascals.

Pool night - 10-29-08

2008-11-02T08:55:00.001-05:00

Back on home turf last night at The Playing Field. Always nice to have a place to call home. 120” TVs, beer on tap, and pool tables all ovah da place. That’s what I call home.

The night went fairly well match-wise as well. We lost but it was close: 49-51. Mucho gracias to Steph for keeping it close. She had a big win.

We were on the “toy” 7’ tables, The lucky player that went first was our beloved Vincent. It was a very close match w/ Vince losing by one ball. He had the unfortunate luck of playing a SL1, Cheryl. She seemed friendly enough, one of the TPF regulars, a waitress on some nights. But she kept saying; “I don’t think I like you anymore” to Vince. I thought she was kidding but after the 10th time I think she really meant it. Can’t imagine anyone not liking Vince. So… she goes down a few notches for me now. Match score was 14-24.

Next up was Bobby who was out of action last week tending his pregger wife who fell ill. Bobby was unphased by his opponent’s early lead of 18-0. Sean (SL6) really came storming out the gate. Bobby caught up in the 3rd rack and never looked back however and evened the score around rack 5. Nice comeback. Bobby took the win in the end w/ a final surge to overcome a 12-4 race.

The Fretzinator was next to get in on the action and faced Kari (SL3). Kari is a fairly large woman. Apparently too much for Gordon to handle cause… he lost 25-19. Sometimes you got it, sometimes you don’t. I think everyone can relate to that. Just wasn’t Gordon’s night.

Steph was next and obviously observing our bleak situation decided to take matters into her own hands and do something about it. She not only won, she won HUGE beating Anne 25-5 getting the team score of 19-1. That’s major and basically kept the team in the match for the night.

Pulling up the rear was Scott. He was matched up w/ a good SL7 named Adam. Adam was pretty much on his game and took care of business as he scored 55-26 to take the win. It wasn’t that Scott played all that bad. It was just that Adam played really well.

Waitress was Rachel, simply the best. She was on her game as usual w/ speedy service and that nice smile of hers. Love that girl.

Pool night - 10-22-08

2008-11-02T08:51:00.002-05:00

Very late on this one - almost 2 weeks. Just been too busy to breath.

We played at Diamond Billiards on 60. Very nice place - loved it.

We won 51-49 on some close matches.

Steph beat this blond chick 25-10.

Hao beat Brandi by 1, 31-30.

Gordon beat Tony by 1, 31-30.

Scott lost to Steve (SL6) by... a lot, 46-16.

And I lost by 1 playing a SL6, 54-46. I was just awful - even missed a ball-in-hand shot that was no more than 2 feet. Just awful.

Pool night - 10-16-08

2008-10-16T09:42:00.002-04:00

Last night was… interesting. It was sortof a cross between trying to not fall over the table and some crazy military type, flight-school type exercise in trying to see straight after spinning around in place about 50 times. Yeah, that was me last night – dizzy. Team lost 64-36. Ouch!

Good thing I played first, right? I lost to Ed (SL6) and it wasn’t pretty but I don’t remember so guess what? I don’t care! Score was 29-46.

Then Bobby showed up so we didn’t have to forfeit – yay! But he lost to Robbie, a good SL5. Score was 38-32.

Then, our one and only win for the night, was achieved by the Fretzinator over our good buddy Dave S. (SL4-SL4) Score was 31-27.

Steph was next and raring to go – but so was Roger (SL4) and he won 31-15. Steph was so thrilled she left us a gift when she left the pool hall – her phone.

Pulling up the rear was Vincent who lost to Janice. Score was 19-20.

Server was Tanya. Let me just say one thing about her – you MUST pronounce her name like “Tawnya”. If you say “Tanya” (rhymes w/ “spam ya”) then she will kick you in your patooty.

Sorry - not much of an update this week - aaahm tooo taaarrd!

Pool night - 10-08-08

2008-10-09T09:27:00.000-04:00

Ahhhh, Victory! Sweet Victory! I love it. And I guess it’s so sweet cause we beat Rayman’s team. And sweet cause Rayman was very very unhappy about it. Lot of history there – long story. Just know that Rayman and I are old… um… adversaries. We won 56-44 – won 4 out of 5 matches – an excellent outing.

First up was Gordon who I somehow have now managed to throw first in the past 2 weeks. What the hell!?!? I didn’t mean to do that. Stoopid on my part. I doubt it will happen again this session Gordon. How could I do that to the Fretzinator? Anyway, his opponent was John (SL3) (SL4-SL3 match). John’s an old bald guy w/ glasses who really doesn’t say much. It was a 25-18 loss. But the rest of the team picked the Fretzinator up for the remainder of the night.

Next was Bobtail, fired up and ready to go. He played Nick. (SL4-SL4) Actually, Hao was very happy to see this match cause he’d barely sneaked by Nick in previous matches and just didn’t think he could do it again. See, Nick’s a fairly good shot. BUT, not as good as Bobby. OF COURSE! Bobtail took care of business but it was very close, 31-28. whew!

Stephanie was next and played this maniac named Shawn (SL2). (SL3-SL2) This Shawn guy had garage mechanic written all over him. Sortof a burly guy – sorta scary. And talk about a bull in a china shop? This guy was just reckless at the table – extreme rushing technique – no time lining up shots – and just slams the cue. I think most of his strategy is to hit it hard as he can and hopefully something will go in. Good strategy dude. NOT! So, of course, Stephanie schooled him on how to use subtle precisely measured strokes and control and agility. She looked reeeeal good at the table last night yall, whipping that poor boy’s butt 25-13.

Hao finally got his chance to play next – been a while. He played Phil (SL3). (SL4-SL3) Phil was not up to the level of competition Hao normally dishes out. First 3 racks were totally owned by Hao. I thought it was going to be extremely ugly. But then somehow Phil pulled up his britches and made a run or two and tried to make a match of it. But… Hao would not let off – smoked him off the table w/ a 31-20 win.

And going last, but certainly not least, is my good friend, my good pal, my excellent pool-playing buddy, Scott (SL4). Rayman (SL7) jumped to the table to play and said; “ok Jay, c’mon, let’s play”. It was w/ great pleasure I announced Scott would be playing. Take that you… Na – can’t call Rayman any names. Yeah, he’s sortof a hardass. Thing is, he knows it. Somehow that makes him sorta okay in my book. Makes it that much sweeter when we beat him though. Anyway, the match started off tough as Rayman, a very good shot, took an early commanding lead at 18-2. But Scott was being patient, playing his safeties, getting good coaching from Bobtail, and marking his time. Scott came back strong and had a few good runs to bring the score to 27(Ray)-23(Scott). Ray needs 55 to win, Scott needs 31. So, I think everybody thought Scott was rolling and would take the match easily but I knew he had to keep at it cause Rayman does not quit. Sure enough, Rayman came back w/ a couple good runs. But Scott kept playing lots of good safeties and Rayman played a few of his own. In the end Scott had played 18 safeties, Ray had 12 of his own. Scott played extremely well overall – it was just a great site. I think I was more nervous at times than he was. It was just an intense match. So, finally Scott finished him off w/ a 31-48 win. Closer than we thought it’d be. Just a terrific win. Note to Scott: It get’s tougher when you go to SL5 – probably find that out next time you play, eh?

Our server was Rachel. She basically puts Tanya to shame. Excellent service. Just the best waitress in town I’d say. She thought it was funny when I pre-ordered Scott’s dinner – he called me and had me do that before he got there. I ordered it about 15 minutes before he got there and the food sat there 10 minutes before Scott showed up. All Rachel could do was laugh when she walked by looking at that food getting cold. She offered to keep it warm but Scott showed up and said it was… perfect. So, you guys want the “perfect” pool-player dinner? It’s hamburger steak w/ mashed potatoes vegetables. That’s Rayman butt-whipping food yall!

Vincent had the night off. Rumor is that he’s been studying our economic issues and advising Paulson and Bernanke on where to take it from here. Good thing too. We need somebody like Vince we can trust, eh?

Max-V wins Fall Festival

2008-10-02T09:44:00.004-04:00

BTW, our softball travel team won a huuuuge tournament last weekend.

Pool night - 10-01-08

2008-10-02T09:26:00.001-04:00

We won 4 out of 5 matches last night continuing our topsy-turvy fall season (Lose – Win – Lose – Win). Final team score was 58-42. Maybe that’ll pick us up outta last place. I hope so.

The Freztinator was first and played a SL4-SL4 match against Kristin. Kristin fooled me. I thought she was a normal girl – homely face – regular clothes (Blue Mountain Brewery T-shirt and jeans) – and a fairly good shot. But then she laughed and it was all over. It was one of those high-pitched girly-girl laughs. A “hee hee hee” type laugh that reminded me of a 13-yr old girl giggling w/ her friends at the mall. I was happy to see Gordon slam that girly-girl to the mat w/ a 31-18 score.

Next was Scott who was played extremely well against a higher ranked opponent, Greg. (SL4-SL5) First rack was really tough as Greg had 3 lucky leaves and forced Scott into several safeties which he made w/ excellent precision. There were 5 innings in that first rack w/ only 1 ball down and that was one was on the break I think. Anyway, Scott took the win w/ a 31-27 score and threw in a 9-break to boot. Don’t be fooled by the score – it wasn’t that close. Greg ran a rack at the end but it was too little, too late.

So… Vincent followed Scott and… lost. It was not pretty. His opponent was a skinny short-haired Kelly (SL2). Vince, being a SL3, just LOVES it when I throw him against SL2s, right Vince? (ahem) No… that’d be a big no actually. He hates it. But I had to do it cause… cause… I dunno… cause Steph was eating and Hao hadn’t gotten there yet and I sure wasn’t gonna play the 2!!! Ha ha. Anyway, sooooo Vincent lost 19-3. Ouchie-mama. Get ‘em next time big guy.

In the meantime, Steph choked down a chicken wrap and made her way to the table to play Catherine. (SL3-SL3) Catherine had on a jeans skirt – not nearly short enough (down to her knees almost – dammit!) and very tall, fall colored, argile socks. ??? She was definitely making a fashion statement there w/ those socks. I find it hard to pick on people for what they wear. Those of you who have read what I have “written” in the past can surely attest to this. (heh heh) So, how could I say anything bad about those socks? Apparently Steph didn’t like Catherine and her special socks so she squashed her like a bug, and argile bug, a strange newly found Amazon species argile bug – squashed – squished - splattered. Score was 25-14.

Hao made it there, albeit a little late, but our opponents last throw was CJ (SL7), so I played him. CJ, aka Charles Gray, was wearing glasses. I don’t recall seeing him wear glasses in the past - curious. Anybody remember “Color of Money”? Paul Newman got those glasses remember? Played pool a lot better after that. No? Anyway, seeing CJ a hundred times in the past and all of the sudden he has glasses – I dunno – it threw me off. I won the match anyway – somehow. I was losing the entire match but the score still stayed pretty close except for the start when he was beating me 18-2. Anyway, In the end I won 55-51 and threw in a 9-break & run along the way as well.

Tanya was our server last night and she was pretty much AWOL the whole night – hiding in the kitchen. Maybe she and the “chef” have been cooking up something special in the back. I dunno – for whatever reason she seems to like it back there – hiding – conniving - scheming. Vince’s theory is that she and the kitchen staff are terrorists and they’re plotting to blow up the place by planting cue-ball bombs which explode on break shots. That Vince – what an imagination. Me? I think she just stays in the kitchen cause she just can’t get enough of that super scrumdilly-icious food they have. Ha!

Bobby had the night off – one of his twelve kids had a birthday. It’s twelve right? Or is it thirteen? I can’t remember. All I can say is that his wife must be… exhausted. I know how it is though – got three of my own. And when that kid knows it’s their birthday you had better have a cake and some candles around or your ass is grass.

Pool night - 09-24-08

2008-09-26T07:54:00.002-04:00

Lose – win – lose. Off the team, on the team, off the team. This is getting to be a very confusing session. First week, we lose all 5 matches. Last week we win all 5 matches. This week, we’re back to losing all 5 matches again. (74-26 – ouchie-mama!) Also, Thomas is off the team, Sumit is on the team, Sumit is off the team. Yeah, Sumit can’t play. It’s sortof a schizophrenic time for this team. And no, I did not have to use spell-checker to know how to spell “schizophrenic”. Okay, I lied – I did. Wait…. See?... I’m doing it again. Honest – dishonest. When will this end?!?!! Anyway, here’s the bad news.

I was first and played Mark (SL6). I needed 55 and only got 44. Mark got his 46 watching me miss way way WAY too many easy shots. I am such a boneheaded player sometimes.

Vince was next and played Cheryl (SL3-SL3). He was definitely thrown off by her good looking Chinese… looks. He lost 25-14.

Hao was next and lost to Robert (SL5). The score was 38-16 for this SL4-SL5 match. Hao was sortof out of sync cause the lawn people did his next-door neighbor’s yard earlier that day instead of his. I guess he felt cheated and that affected his game.

Next up was Gordon who played David (SL3). The SL4-SL3 match ended w/ a 25-13 score. It was just one of those nights. When we missed we left them really well. When they missed they left us like a pro plays safeties. The bad luck like that will frustrate you enough, but when your opponent comments like “…uh, yeah, I meant to do that”, well then, that’s frustration at a whole nother level.

And playing last was Bobby who played Mike (SL5-SL5). This one was down to the wire. Mike’s luck was… on a whole other scale. In the first 3 racks I think Mike made like 6 lucky balls and had several very lucky leaves. Extremely frustrating cause Bobby was shooting well. I think it got to Bobby though – eventually. The match ended w/ a statement as Mike lucked in the 9 to win 38-34. sheez

Server was Tanya who was also a bit off her game as well. I told that girl to lay off the drugs. Don’t anybody listen to me?

Pool Wednesday - 09-17-08

2008-09-19T07:29:00.003-04:00

Night and Day, yin and yang, black and white. Last week we lost, big-time. This week we won, big-time. Lost all 5 matches last week, won all 5 matches this week. Cool.

We were at the Triple Wednesday night and Scott and Bobby gave up their poker night so we wouldn’t have to forfeit a match. Nice team spirit. Thanks again guys. Lots of Scott and Bobby’s friends also showed up – all of them wearing some sort of leather – bikers. And they weren’t there to play pool. They were there to play poker and/or dominos and… a little pool. Intimidating? No. Mostly just sorta funny looking to me – not sure why.

Anyway, Vince had been there most of the afternoon w/ our buddy Dave S. And all that practice showed up big-time on the table as Vince played first and caaaareamed his opponent Lesli. (SL3-SL3) A heavy set black women w/ extremely large casabas. Score was 25-7. Vince was in fine form.

Bobby was itching to get at it in the next match and played James, a big man – no casabas. (SL4-SL4) It was down to the wire and Bobby took the match by one ball, 31-30. A great payoff for making the poker sacrifice.

Stephanie was next and was asking anyone if they’d heard any good jokes lately. (see last post) Ha! She played Kirk, a fairly plain looking fella. (SL3-SL3) Kirk basically had no chance as Stephanie was in a kill-or-be-killed mood. She smoked him 25-16.

Next up was Scott who was ready for some payback after last week’s loss by one ball. He simply tore up the table w/ his super-smooth strokes and dead-on accuracy. That’s what they told me anyways – I was busy w/ my own match. Ha! Scott played Ariel. (SL4-SL4) It wasn’t even close as Scott took command w/ a 31-13 score.

I was last and played Sean. (SL7-SL9, Sean being the 9) Sean is an excellent player and last sev times we’ve played he’s spanked me like a baby – no mercy. It was my lucky night though cause Sean hadn’t been practicing lately. Said he’d been too busy working out in the gym. Yeah, me too. ahem. Anyway, I squeaked out a relatively close one winning 55-63. He needed 75 to win as a SL9.

Our servers were Rebecca and Jaimey. They did fairly well considering the place was packed w/ the bikers and all us regular people.

Gordon was just happy to be there and watch the wins unfold – and get out of the house of course. And next week everyone will meet our new teammate Sumit. Yay!

Thomas, we miss ya buddy. Hope the new job is going well.

Hey Joe Banks – way out there in St. Louis – how’s the pool out there dude? Let us know if you’ve found any good pool halls, eh?

Pool last week - 09-10-08

2008-09-17T08:34:00.003-04:00

Yeah, that's not a typo. I'm a week late posting this entry. Life has just been too busy for me. I'm sure that never happens to you right? I'll make this super quick.

Last week we lost all 5 matches. The team score was 74-26. ouchie-mama!

Scott played James, aka Big Jim. (SL4-SL4) Lost by 1 ball. Excrutiatingly close. Scott basically outplayed the guy the entire match. James had luck on his side.

Hao played Jim, aka potty-mouth Jim. (SL4-SL4) Scott (from opponent team) and I told a couple fairly clean jokes and then Jim stepped in w/ some really raunchy jokes that Steph REALLY didn't appreciate - and told him so. You go girl!

Bobby played Scott. (SL5-SL5) Scott is old friends w/ Steph - not that it matters but I didn't like the way he grabbed her to say hello. Bobby's game was a little off for the match but he got it back later when he whipped my butt in a few practice games.

Stephanie played Tim, aka angry Tim. (SL3-SL3) Tim had this scowl on his face like someone had just taken away his teddy bear or something. Poor angry fella. I just felt sorry for him really.

Gordon played Robert, aka split personality Robert. (SL4-SL3) Robert was Mr. Nice Guy in between shots. But when he was down on a shot he was Mr. Serious Face - no smile - tiger growling - dude.

So, obviously we lost miserably because everyone's depressed about losing Thomas. So thanks Thomas! First Joe Banks leaves the team, now you! Where's your loyalty? Where's the friendship? Where's your sense of decency?

Jus kiddin... We'll miss you this session Thomas. We'll try to keep a spot open for you for next session or the one after that if you can ever come back.

Also, fresh off the presses, we have a new teammate to replace Thomas. His name is Sumit Kumar. He's a SL6 and he promises he'll win every single match he plays. Amazing right? I mean, I think that's what Vince said at the beginning of last session too isn't it? ha ha

Injustice all Over

2008-09-02T13:22:00.003-04:00

No pool this week so I thought I’d just write about something else. I saw a news story that I just had to write about. Whenever I see injustice in the world like this, I must intervene.

http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5gU4sXP7jDkNZnAsABX50ga8xFczwD92UH6200

So, where do I start? Apparently this guy is out on the street carrying 5 loaded semi-automatic pistols each w/ laser sights and a total of 400 rounds of ammo. The pistols are on him. So what right? Hmmm, I guess maybe… one in each hand… one in the back of his pants (like the movies, eh? Cool!)… and maybe one in each front pocket maybe. No. Front pockets aren’t cool. Maybe one strapped above each ankle under his pants. Yeah, much cooler.
Not sure where he had them actually. 5 though? I guess is as good a number as any. Yeah, 5 makes pretty good sense to me actually. I mean, if I was walking near “downtown UCLA” 5 would definitely be my minimum. Guy probably had a permit anyway, right? Leave him alone!

Plus, who grabs him off the street? Campus Police! I mean, what a joke right? These guys aren’t even “real” police so they have to pick on this poor guy w/ the 5 guns. They’re just trying to look cool in front of all the sorority chicks I’ll bet. Totally unjust I tell ya!

Next, he’s shooting at traffic lights. Right! I totally see that! C’mon! You do too I’m sure! I mean, those damn lights?! All over the place? Everywhere you go! Those damn lights!!! All they do is slow ya down! I think this dude had a great idea actually! I’m thinking we should all give it a try, eh? Talk about injustice! Those lights are what’s unjust! Seriously!
And then, they search this guys van take his manifesto, “The Secret”. Well shoot! I’ll bet it ain’t a secret no more, right? I bet all those cops that arrested him read it so… It’ll probably be copied in the National Enquirer or something now. And poor old Gene probably won’t get a dime for it. Totally unjust I tell ya!

Finally, look at this guy’s face.

OMG! What an honest looking fella! Nothin wrong w/ this dude! Nothin! I mean, he looks like any normal guy I’d see at the pool hall on pool night, right? Sorta got a crazy-eyes thing going but hey, I seen lots of guys w/ those!

Sheez! I tell ya folks. Ya better just watch out. All kinds of injustice going on in the world today. Look out!

Pool night - 08-21-08

2008-08-21T10:50:00.003-04:00

Hello again folks! We’re reporting to you LIVE from Beijing today w/ all the exciting news on the latest Olympic events. I’m Bob Costalot and I’ll be here to guide you through this evening’s wild and crazy action. We’re going to immediately send you down to the beach volleyball stadium where Jay Firebaugh from the US is playing Todd Schuckster from Germany in the mano-y-mano match. Over to you Squirt”

Squirt; “Thanks Bob! Squirt Ocain here folks! The crowd has just been on it’s feet as the premier player for US singles volleyball, Jay Firebaugh, has just been obliterating his opponent in the finals match for the gold.”
Suzie commentator; “That’s right Squirt, this Firebaugh kid has just been pounding this Todd fella into the sand w/ amazing shot after shot. It’s just astounding how he’s been able to dominate his opponent even while sitting in a beach chair drinking margaritas. And reading a magazine even!”
Squirt; “Just… amazing Suzie! I know his folks at home must be proud! And… that’s it folks! He’s done it w/ that last shot off the heal of his foot! Jay Firebaugh has won the gold w/ a 55-28 score! That Firebaugh kid sure can play!”

Bob Costalot; “Truly amazing volleyball there folks. Hard to believe a man w/ a beer gut that large could play so well. Also hard to believe an event like "singles volleyball" actually even exists. Okay, so now we’ll turn it over to Elvira Splittail as we check in on women’s wrestling.”

Elvira; “Thanks Bob! We’re into the gold match here watching Stephanie Schuchert from the US team battle it out w/ Cathy Corninbutt from France and it has just been tit for tit here folks!”
Annie commentator; “Don’t you mean tit for tat Elvira?”
Elvira; “No”
Annie; “Oh. OH! And there it is folks, the famous chicken choke hold! Corninbutt’s choking Stephanie’s neck w/ her legs in that crazy wrap-around scissor-lock! We knew we were going to see that!”
Elvira; “Yes but wait! Stephanie’s reaching around… and… what is she doing?”
Annie; “It’s the break-your-arm-arm-bar-hold-w/-your-teeth move Elivira. It’s a little-known wrestling move and mostly only effective against tall red-heads. A good choice by Stephanie here I’d say.”
Elvira; “Looks like a stalemate here folks. I don’t see how either… But wait! What’s this? The referee has awarded an extra two points to Corninbutt. But why? Oh well, that ends the match w/ Corninbutt from France winning 23-25. Oh so close!”
Annie; “Total rip-off Elvira. That ref sucks. Hey! Look at that! He’s french-kissing that french bitch Corninbutt! Now they’re down on the mat! Well no wonder!”
[Director; “Quick! Cut to Bob!”]

Bob Costalot; “…Ouch! Those ladies are tough! And how ‘bout that ref, eh? Anyway, next up is men’s gymnastics. Let’s send you down to the floor to Randy Ridesemhard as they get ready for the pommel-horse competition.”

Randy; “Hello folks! We’re just in time to see the finish. It’s down to two more competitors; Hao Hui from China and Doug Drainisclogged from Russia. Let’s watch Hao as he begins now.”
Corky commentator; “Randy, it’s just amazing to see Hao attack that horse! Looks like he’s going to forget about that awful incident in the Worlds competition a few months ago when he… destroyed his manhood.”
Randy; “Yeah… Ouch! Same thing happened to me in 84 Corky. Ruined my career. Did I ever tell you folks about the time when I…”
Corky; “Will you shut up! It’s always about you!”
Randy; “Um… Okay, well that’s it. Hao’s done and it looks like the judges give him a 16.50. Not bad. Now Drainisclogged is up. But wait! What’s this? He’s brought out a riding crop! Is that allowed?”
Corky; “Bold move on his part Randy. Nothing in the rules against this that I know of. Gonna be hard to compete w/ this routine. He’s really whipping that horse into submission.”
Randy; “Okay, just waiting for the score here now… And that’s it! 16.666! Drainisclogged wins the gold! Looks like his theatrics paid off big-time!”
Corky; “I think the metric’s conversion on that score was 26-38 Randy.”
Randy; “Would you just shut the hell up! I am so sick of your sh..”

Bob Costalot; “oookaaaay! Thanks fellas! Nice to see those cowboy’s on the horse in action. They really rode her hard didn’t they? AHaw Haw Haw! What? Okay, well next we’re off to the “Crow’s Nest” where we can check in on the co-ed 200-meter dash. Erwin?”

Erwin; “Thanks Bob. You still owe me that fifty from poker the other night ya know! aha ha ha! Seriously folks! We’re here to witness a first in Olympics. It’s the co-ed 200 meter. That’s right, I said “co-ed”.”
Cindy commentator; “That’s right Erwin. And one-on-one even! This Rachel Rumpinmyface from Japan is not going to be a pushover for Thomas Peters from the US either. She’s got talent!”
Erwin; “I’m not so sure about that Cindy. Just look at those thighs on that boy!”
Cindy; “Yeah, but Rumpinmyface has a far superior… rump. And that’s what’s really needed here.”
Erwin; “Okay, and there’s the gun, they’re off! And Thomas pulls out to an early lead! And look at that! He seems to just be toying w/ his opponent.”
Cindy; “Hey, that’s not fair! He should slow down and wait a little! What a beast!”
Erwin; “And Thomas has an overwhelming lead folks! He’s slowing down to blow kisses to the crowd even! And what’s this? He’s turned around and is actually running backwards! Making faces at Rumpinmyface! Wow!”
Cindy; “Well, I for one would never go out w/ a guy like that. Hmpf!”
Erwin; “And that’s it folks! Thomas takes the gold!
Cindy; “See if you can get his number. I’m not interested for myself. I just want it for… a friend.”
Erwin; “The co-ed event has a strange scoring system folks. Thomas won 38-23 even though his time was shorter than Rumpinmyface. Anyway, he takes the gold!”

Bob Costalot; “Okay, so, another controversial performance by Peters. Not sure about his sportsmanship but gotta respect that talent. I especially liked how he downed that beer in the last 10 meters. Okay, I think we’re ready… yes, we are. We’re going to send you down to the swimming venue, the Parallelogram, where Rowdy Wrinklesup is there to give us the story.”

Rowdy; “Hello again folks! You’re in for a treat. We’re just about to begin the premier swimming event for these Olympic games. We’re set to see a match-up of Vincent Combs from the US and Ryan Nottaphelps from Finland.”
Bing commentator; “I’m so excited! Hey Rowdy, I’ve peed myself! Hey Rowdy!”
Rowdy; “Uh… yeah. Okay, so as you folks know, these two are the swimmers of the century breaking each others record tournament after tournament.”
Bing; “Hey, do you have some clippers I could borrow. These nose hairs are really annoying me!”
Rowdy; “What? Um, anyway, they’re getting ready to start folks. And look! Vincent has broken out his famous flesh-colored swim-cap. Says it gives him a psychological edge against his nemisis, Nottaphelps.”
Bing; “Ne – mi – sis… I like that word…”
Rowdy; “And their off! It’s neck and neck! Look at those two fishies go!”
Bing; “Hey! He splashed me! That’s not nice! Hey you! I’m gonna tell!”
Rowdy; “Would you shut the hell up! It’s gonna go down to the wire here folks! It’s anybody’s race! And here’s the finish….”
Bing; “Oh, excuse me. Shew wee! Sorry! I did that. Uh oh. I think I need new underwear. Hey Rowdy, can you help me?”
Rowdy; “Get the freak outta here you stoopid son of a… Wait! And there’s the touch! Who got it? We can’t tell!!! It’s just too close!!! Wait! There’s the time! That’s it! It’s Nottaphelps! Nottaphelps has done it! He’s won by 1/100,000,000th of a second! That gives him the gold and a total meet points value of 38 which bests Vincent’s 21. Damn it! Bing! Get out of the pool you freakin idiot!”
Bing; “Ha Ha Ha – can’t catch me! – splash-splash”

Bob Costalot; “I’ll have to apologize for Bing’s behavior there folks. He’s been… off his meds today I think. Anyway, that does it for today’s events. US Gold count was 51 today whereas all opponents were 49. So, even though they lost 3 out of the 5 events which we reported they still earned more gold. Yeah, that’s kinda weird. Be sure and tune in next Wednesday when the “playoffs” happen and the US plays their secret weapon players; The Fretzinator, Bob-tail Keener, and the ever-so-subtle-stroker, Scott (The Terror) Terrel.

Pool night - 08-14-08

2008-08-15T13:32:00.000-04:00

Sorry - no write-up - just too busy
We won 56-44 this past Wednesday.
Scott's match took 90 mins - played well - won - beat very pregnant girl
Hao beat SL5 - one controversial shot - other team member was sortof a jerk about it
Bobby lost to a SL7 - he kept thinking "stay down" meant "stand up" - ha!
Steph beat SL2 - Steph's 33 Bday - Steph's dad was there to watch
Gordon beat SL5 - other team captain - came through in the clutch
Thomas and I didn't play
All were close matches - that's why we only got 56
We needed 10 team points to catch 4th place team in order to make playoffs. Still time though cause next week is last week. We're at 7' tables at TPF.
Vince will be back from vacation.

Pool night - 07-31-08

2008-07-31T12:15:00.001-04:00

Pool last night was 50-50, as in the final score was 50-50. I guess we can all live w/ that. Of course we’d rather have a win but we were playing the first place team and they’re pretty good so 50-50 is… acceptable. Definitely an improvement over the last time we played them when they beat us 71-29. Oooouuuu – that’s scraping off the scab for ya – sorry – ouch!

Anyway, the night started off w/ a dilemma as the other team asked me if I’d “do them a favor” and let them throw 24 points instead of 23. My first reaction was to ask them to let me think about it for a sec and also to talk it over w/ my team. Kindof a big favor to ask, eh? Ballzy even! And they sent Laura (good waitress Laura) over to ask the favor – like I couldn’t say no to her or something – giving me that sweet smile – and asking me like we’ve been friends for years. Oh yeah, that’s right, we have been friends for years. Hmpf! Anyway, after a brief discussion w/ Gordon and Vincent we agreed our reply would be; “um, thanks for the really great offer but no, we’ll stick to the rules please.” I guess they read our faces from across the table because right when we were going to tell them “no” Laura walked up and said to nevermind, one of their SL3’s has decided to show up tonight to play after all and that they’d be okay w/ the 23-rule. Hmmm – controversy avoided – great.

First up was Scorchin Scott. Last week he skunked his opponent (20-0 team points) plus he got a 9-Break. I’d call that “scorchin” wouldn’t you? So, his opponent this week was… a girl. Oh no! Not a girl!!! And yes, apparently cause she was a girl, Scorchin Scott got doused, as in he lost. What the freak is so freaking freaky about beatin a freakin girl guys? Honestly! Steph, please enlighten us to your power at the table. Heh heh! Anyway, Scott lost to Andrea (SL2) (SL2-SL3 match) w/ a score of 17-19. That’s okay, next week we’ll through SS against a guy maybe and he’ll be back to scorchin status.

Bobby was next and was really itching to get back to the table. That or he’s been spending too much time w/ the family dog. Just kiddin Bob-tail. So, you know the expression; “On Fire!” right? Well Scott does – last week anyway. And Bobby definitely did last night cause he was absolutely blazin hot on fire. I’ll give you an example – score was 15-2 Bobby and he sunk a 2-6-9 combo. Final score was 31-10, very close to a skunking. And guess what, he was playing…. A GIRL! Laura actually, good waitress Laura even. (SL4-SL4 match) Nicely done Bobby.

Thomas pulled up in the 3 spot and played Heath (SL5-SL5). Thomas came out fairly strong in the beginning and held the lead for about ¾ of the match, then Heath came on strong and took over to win 38-31. Good to have Thomas back after being out last week. And good that he’s found a new job which started yesterday. And those of you who suggested he get a job cleaning out toilets at Richmond Coliseum were way off. He got a really great job selling papers in front of Wal-Mart. Just kiddin – he got a technical job doing something w/ computers – best answer I can give you – the rest is top secret.

Same time Thomas played, Hao played Nick (SL3) (SL4-SL3 match). Now, I was considering throwing The Fretzinator or Vincent who were patiently waiting on the sidelines because they’re both SL3 and would make it an even match. But I’d never seen Nick play before and he seemed somewhat streaky when I could watch him at the practice table so… whatever… I made the decision to throw Hao. Turns out it was a good one cause Hao won 31-16. Cool.

I was last and had a great time playing “Rack-boy” for my opponent Jeremy (SL9) (SL7-SL9 match). Jeremy made everything look easy, as so many really good players do. He smoked me 75-31. Look on the bright side, I only needed 24 to win, as in he only beat me by 24, and they tried to throw 24 points against us last night instead of 23, and in 7 years my oldest daughter will be 24, and… what’re we talking about? Oh yeah, I got my assed kicked. What else is new?

Steph took the night off – had to chase a bunch of misbehaving boys into the woods. Good news is she caught them and chose some nice springy switches of some branches which were used liberally against their misbehaving behinds. Ah well, you can dream Steph, you can dream…

And as I mentioned, The Fretzinator and Vincent kept me company as I scored matches. Always good conversation/bullshit coming outta these guys mouths. I’m considering a hidden microphone w/ recorder for a future event. Who knows? Might make for a good reality radio show, eh? Hmmm…

Waitress last night was Jennifer. She was Johnny-on-the-spot. Did a good job. Several comments from the peanut gallery over her plaid shorts which seem to be “the thing” for TPF waitresses these days. Rachel probably started the trend. Or maybe I need to make a trip to the mall and walk around cause maybe this is a lot bigger than TPF waitress thing and I’m just out of touch w/ ladies fashion trends. Imagine! Me! Out of touch w/ ladies fashion trends! How could this happen?
Well, that’s it for this week’s update. Next week I will be coasting on the coast – at the beach – up to my neck in sand – unreachable – all play and no work – as in, leave me alone please I’m toasting my skin in the sun… Yeah so Vincent will be captaining next week. Crack the whip on ‘em Vinchenzo. I’ll expect a full report when I get back. And it better not be 50-50. I’ll take nothing less than a 60-40. And YES, we should be 60+, not the 40-. Ha!

Just keep payin

2008-07-28T16:11:00.002-04:00

As you all know, gas went up to $4 this past Spring. ouch!

Today, U.S. Transportation Dept reports 1.8% drop in miles driven in April and a 3.7% drop in May. Now, since fewer people are driving there's fewer people buying gas right? I mean, demand is now down so supply should be going up and price should begoing down right? Well, last I checked gas was like $3.90 ish. Hasn't really come down has it? We're still "paying at the pump" and it's still expensive.

Pisses me off!

Here's the deal though. The gov't gets a lot of tax money from all those gas purchases. Since we're driving less, the gov't is getting less money. They don't like that too much.

Now they're saying we'll have a $5B deficit in Highway Trust Fund for next yearcause we're driving less. It's also bad because 25% of bridges in US are "functionally obsolete" or "structurally deficient". The gov't is basically saying; "Hey America, we need more of your money!"

So now they're talking about raising taxes to cover this deficit. Don't that beat all? Ain't that just crappy? Its totally frustrating!

I mean, first we have to pay more for gas cause supposedly a supply/demand issue, which isn't true. Then we have to pay more for gas cause the gov't needs more money for roads.

We can't win. Only thing for sure is that we have to keep paying more.

NUTS!

Pool night - 07-24-08

2008-07-24T10:20:00.002-04:00

Pool last night was great. We got some revenge against the “Killer Instincts” team from when they beat us earlier in the season. Score last night was 58-us, 42-dem. And that’s guuuud. Guud – guud – guud.

I got a bit of an early start by munching some wings and rings at BW3 next door before the matches last night. They were purdy guud. The Playing Field wings aren’t bad either. I think Hooters wings are okay too but they’re small. Hmmm, wonder who has the best wings in town? If you have an opinion please leave a comment. If Joe Banks were still in town I’m sure he’d have something to say. Now that he’s in St. Louis he’s probably scoping out all the rib shacks. Bastard! Ha ha!

So, let’s talk about pool, eh? First up was Vincent. Obviously the league has noticed all the winning Vince has done this season – they bumped him up to SL3. Must’ve spooked him cause he lost last night breaking his extremely long winning streak. Girl he played, Kimberly, was a SL1 and only needed 14 balls. I hated to do that to Vince – not good. I mean, 14 balls? That’s like impossible to compete w/ eh?

Scott was next and had some major confidence spewing from every orifice – or so I’m told. I usually like to get my own confirmation via personal inspection when I hear about these kinda things but we’re talking Scott here so… na. Anyway, he was absolutely on fire. He beat his opponent Charlie (SL4) 4 balls to 25. Ouchie-mama! That’s a major ass-whuppin. His team score was 20-0. Soooorrrrry Charlie! Oh, and just to throw a little icing to that ass-cake, Scott drained a 9 on the break. OMG!

Hao was next and got to play Donnie, aka Dammit Donnie. (SL4-SL4) DD forgot he was supposed to choke, and miss, and play badly so we could all say; “Dammit Donnie!!!” Next time maybe we should give him a better reminder before the match. Dammit! So, Hao had a little trouble w/ him and lost 31-20. Gotta give it to DD though – he shot very well. Get em next time Hao.

Next up was Bob-tail (SL4). He was matched against Cory, an excellent SL6. You know, I don’t think anybody told Bobby that though – for some reason – not sure why – they just forgot to tell him Cory was really good. Ha! And lemme just say I am 100% positive if they said to Bobby; hey Bobby, watch out, this Cory fella’s really really good. If they said that, Bobby would like… not listen. He just don’t care who you are – zero intimidation – the man just plays pool, and plays it well, as he demonstrated last night. He won 31-27, beating Cory by more than 2 racks, as in Cory would’ve needed 2 racks to win.

Stephanie must’ve been highly entertained by Bobby’s show, that or highly inspired. She cut loose on Laura, opponent team captain. (SL3-SL5) It started out a bit rough for Steph as she was down 3-11 but them BOOM!, sank that one, BANG! sank another, BOOYA! sank another and another… Before you knew it, Steph had stroked her way to a 25-32 win. And that’s no easy feat against Laura cause Laura knows how to play yall. He bank skills are extremely good and her safeties? They’re money. Steph knew that going in though so she showed her own banking and safety skills, which I must say, are very impressive. VERY!

On the bench last night was The Fretzinator and yours truly. Happy to watch, and score, and root for our poolacious posse of pool cue poking pals.

Our server last night was Rachel. Me thinks she’s been catching some rays by the pool – those tan legs were very… tan. In addition to liking her legs I really liked the plaid yuppie style shorts she wore – shoulda took a pic - #^%&%!!!, I forgot – too busy looking at those shorts. You know what else, she kept digging into her apron in front – what’re you doing down there Rachel? Hmmm?

After the matches I checked in w/ Thomasina. He’s been grounded for misbehavior – poor boy. Next time maybe you’ll eat your peas like you’re supposed to, eh? Otherwise… NO POOL 4 YOU!

Also after the matches, which ended at like 9:20pm – very early eh?, we played a little, then practiced a little, then played a little more… Actually, I think I didn’t leave till after 11. Hao and I had several matches w/ Bobby and Scott. It was fun. I think we have some intra-team rivalry going here now. Cool. Hey, maybe this weekend we can play in the guyrage! It hasn’t gotten a lot of use since Joe Banks left town. I’ll check w/ the wifey-poo, my little honeysuckle, and Email.

Pool night - 07-17-08

2008-07-18T10:59:00.000-04:00

Pool last night (or Wednesday night – yeah, I’m late) was quick. We finished before 9:30pm. Yep, that’s all it took for our “What?” opponents to whip up on us. That’s their team name; What? If you ask me, they should call themselves “Huh?” cause really… I don’t think anyone gets them. We apparently don’t get them cause we lost 62-38. whatever

First up was Vincent who continues his winning streak. He played a bald guy named John. (SL2-SL3) Match of the baldies – ha! I tell ya though – Vince has just been on a tear – man can’t be beat! Don’t see how he can avoid going up to SL3 next week – which is fine. But if he keeps this up he’ll be at SL4 before you blink. Good going baldy!

Next was Hao, who also won. He played Nick, actually a SL6, previously ranked that, but for this night he was a SL4. (SL4-SL4) So, that’s not good but Hao had a huge comeback after being down 23-16. Hao is the man, as in THE man. He rocked!

And after two wins you think the Huh? team would just lay there and take their whippin – but no! – weasels had to kick it up a notch.

Thomas played in the 3-spot and took on Matt, SL4. (SL5-SL4) Tommy-boy was a bit off and Matty-boy was very on so this match, like the others so far, went fairly quickly. Sortof the theme for the night – boom/bam/bang, it’s over. Thomas seemed a bit distracted – might be why he lost – must be cause Spurs are out of season and he has nobody to really criticize other than himself. No worries Thomas – the Spurs will be back in action before you know it and you can whine all you want about them not crashing the boards enough.

The Fretzinator was 4th and lost to Phil, SL3. (SL4-SL3). This match was almost over before Hao could fill in the names on the scoresheet. We’re talking sci-fi quick here – like something in an Outer Limits episode. Meant to ask Phil about his use of time/space theories and practical use but I was busy getting my own ass kicked.

Yep, I was last and played Rayman. (SL7-SL7) Rayman is part owner/operator of the Parrot cue-shop there in the front of The Playing Field. Rayman kicked my ever-lovin patuddy. And that’s a lot of kickin cause I got quite the patuddy, eh?

Nice to see Shunying there to support her hubby and join in w/ the practice games afterwards. And Steph came in a little late but was there as well. Scott and Bobby actually showed up but we’d already skipped out. Not sure if the heard we lost and drank one in memory of our effort or not.

Rachel was our waitress. She actually called me “honey” at one point. Honey? Nobody calls me that. Definitely doesn’t fit. I’m more of a “Baby” don’t you think?

Cya next week yall!

Pool night - 07-10-08

2008-07-10T07:46:00.001-04:00

Good night last night – we won 61-39 winning 4 of 5 matches. It was a good pay-back on the Pool Cats team, our opponents, cause they beat us the last 2 times we played them. In a hurry today so this will be quick.

Hao was back from China and ready to play. Except his bridge hand was really swollen – got stung by a bee – looked funny. Just as the skies opened up outside and the rain came pouring down, Hao started his match. He must’ve been inspired cause he rained on his opponent. It was 4-15 after 2 racks. He smoked Roger, his opponent (SL4-SL4) winning 31-23.

Scott was next. Before all the matches started I had to warn the other team that even though he was listed as a SL2 he played much much better. I like living w/ a clean conscious. So, he was matched against Big Jim Nunally (SL2-SL4). Scott came out extremely strong early and was stroking shots very well. Big Jim fell hard losing 19-22. Now, Scott, don’t be surprised if you go up to a SL3 or 4 next week…

Stephanie was next and had the pleasure of playing against our old buddy David Soldato (SL3-SL4). Btw, David’s still hooked to major doses of caffeine – coffee, coffee, coffee. It must help his game though cause he was the only Pool Cat to win last night: 31-21. But that was still pretty close – Steph only needed 4 more.

I was next and played Ed, a very nice guy – reminds me of my Dad. When I safe’d him pretty good early in the match Ed said; “Why’d you do that to me?” I jerked my head around cause it sounded just like my Dad – exactly something he’d say and there was something about how he said it. Anyway, it was close – back and forth – but I won (55-42). Very similar to real matches w/ my Dad. Ahem (sorry Dad) Ha ha

Last was Vince – at the same time as my match really. Vince had to play Bobby. (SL2-SL5) Bobby’s an excellent player – beat me last time he and I played. However, poor Bobby had no idea who he was dealing with. Vince continued his extremely long winning streak last night (19-29). The man is simply tearing it up. Whatever Penny’s feeding him, well, I want some!

The Fretzinator and Bob-tail were there last night to cheer us on. That or they just needed an excuse to drink. Na, it had to be for the cheering. And Thomas was in traction in the ICU – jus kiddin – having trouble w/ his back so he took a night off.

Server last night was Tanya – same wet hair – same good service.

Sorry this wasn’t much – I’m am really under the gun today.

Someday

2008-07-08T12:38:00.004-04:00

Brunswick Gold Crown V

Nice!

I'd get the Tournament Edition w/ longer rails and tighter pockets. Specs that match World Pool-Billiard Association regulations.

The tighter pockets would make it harder to practice but easy when it comes to league play. I don't think it'd be too frustrating. Of course, I'd also have to go for the gully returns and ball storage box as shown in the pic.

And it's only ~$6k! What a bargain!

First one of you to find me one on Ebay for half-price get's a cookie.

Pool night - 07-03-08

2008-07-03T09:44:00.002-04:00

Hey,
Here’s a list of some annoying things at the pool hall:
Playing by the window with the sun/shadows on the table
A table w/ 6 dead rails – OMG!
Waitresses that disappear for a long time
Waitresses that hand you a drink when you’re in the middle of a match, in the middle of a turn
Waitresses that take your full soda away when you weren’t looking
Not enough ice for my bucket of beer
Bartenders that don’t put enough booze in your drink
Blue hand – pool players know what this is
Standing in piss to take a piss
Hand dryers instead of paper towels
A plate of fries w/ no ketchup
Point diff in matches like 21-7 or 16-4
Big guys that play pool and wear their pants low – Hey buddy! Need some spackle for that crack?
Drunk friends that are joking w/ you one sec, then yelling/mad at you the next sec – yes YOU Doug!
Jerk punks that hoot/holler for their team – when they do it in an annoying way
When your teammate can’t score and they say; “I just can’t score” (actually, more funny than annoying – cause I been there dude)

All of the above happened last night btw. All except the spackle guy. That happened a couple of weeks ago and happens too frequently on average. I’m seriously thinking of bringing a tub of putty and a putty knife next week. Or maybe a hot glue gun. Hmmm…

I think you get the picture. I was annoyed last night. I think several of us were. I guess you also figured out that the drugs I was on last week wore off. Yep – gone – never had any to begin w/ actually – Ha! I really fooled you!. HA HA HA HO HO HO HEE HEE HEE
ahem
So, um, anyway, last week I was loving everything/everybody. And it’s not like this week is the opposite and I hate everything/everybody. I don’t hate. It’s bad for the indigestion. No, this week it was just… a little… annoying.

Thomas was first and got to play his old buddy (not!) Todd (SL6). (SL5-SL6) In terms of people, Todd was definitely the most annoying last night. And that’s saying something cause most of the night Lindsay the waitress was busy scraping my spinal cord w/ a fork. But you know what’s really annoying? Bad luck. And lemme tell ya, Thomas had ALL the bad luck last night. I mean, seriously. Sometimes you have bad luck here and there but if you would’ve seen this match… man, it was seriously the worst luck I think I’ve ever seen. Thomas had like 10 dead-ball scratches, 3 of which were right in a row. Todd had ALL the lucky leaves and lucky shots. It was just ugly. We’ll see if Thomas can bounce back next week. Hopefully he’s not scarred for life.

Gordon was next and played Rachel. (SL4-SL4) This was very annoying for Gordon cause this makes 4 “pretty girl” matches in 4 weeks. Ok, so one was pretty pregnant as opposed to just pretty. I mean, I find pregnant girls very pretty in general myself. But the pregnant one Gordon played last week wasn’t all that pretty. Anyway… Rachel is fairly hot – about as hot as you’ll get where we play anyway. So, according to the law [you just can’t beat a pretty girl] Gordon had to lose. The annoying thing about this was he had to realize this before he took his first shot. That’s kinda like when you first realize “dad” equates to “motherf---er”. Just have to accept it.

Stephanie was next and played Ryan (SL4), a nice guy. (SL3-SL4) Ryan was our opponent team captain and a straight shooter. I guess I’d have to say he was okay, as in, he didn’t really annoy me. But Stephanie didn’t seem to care about any of that. She took him to the cleaners. Spanked him like a naughty 2-yr old.

An annoying thing per Stephanie: Guys staring at my chest when I get down on a shot. She said; “Hey, I don’t look at your crotch when YOU shoot! And don’t get me started on asses. I never seen so many big disgusting asses in my whole life!”

Hey Steph, Jay here, r u listening? quit looking at my ass. I know it’s hard not to. But stop!

Another annoying thing Stephanie had to put up last night was the leaves Ryan gave her in the first few racks. Man, he was really pinning w/ safeties and lucky shots. Stephanie; “Quit that!”

Next up was Bobby, aka Baby, as his Dominican Republic in-laws like to say. Both pronounced the same way. Anyway, this was Bob-tail Bobby’s 4th match and he was due. Been playing good pool – gotten acquainted w/ league style of play – knows how to get the typical pool hall waitress’s attention. You know, all the basics. So he’s ready. But then there’s this annoying Todd hovering around his table shouting cheers for Doug (SL5), Bobby’s opponent last night. (SL4-SL5) Nothing more annoying than having someone yell; Great shot! Good shot! You da man! every 5 seconds. I mean, it’s okay when it’s for you but when it’s for your opponent, and your opponent isn’t really doing all that well, it’s just the cheering section making a big deal about nothing… Well, that’s annoying. For most people that is. But somehow Bobby seemed to phase it out. He pulled out his first win. He really played well too. A well earned win. Doug’s a good player and it was a fairly close match.

I was last. Again. An annoying thing for me: Playing in a handicap system where I have to score 30 more points than my opponent to win. That, and people from France. No, you know what’s really annoying is when you get a piece of popcorn stuck in your teeth. There’s all this sucking and tongue-swishing and everything. Hmmm Anyway, THAT’S REALLY ANNOYING! I won my match against Cathy (SL3) anyway. (SL7-SL3) It was down to the wire. I beat her but she only needed 5 balls (55-20).

Our waitress was Lindsay (SL -10 but sweet in her own way… ahem). BTW, she looks pregnant. That, or she’s trying to build a beer gut to compete w/ me. Got news for you Lindsay: I won.

Scott was AWOL last night – visiting family in Kansas City. Hey Scott, watch out for that Kansas BBQ. As in, don’t get any stuck in your teeth. That's... annoying.

Hao will be back from China next week – ready to play – sick of Chinese food – ready for some good all-American hamburgers – ready for some good ole American… what?... taxes? Taxes are... annoying.

Vince will also be back. He’s promised to show us all how to do yoga and deep meditation techniques while we all wait to play our matches next week. Oh great master! Please train us!

Okay, I’m exhausted. This was way way WAY too long. Hope I didn't annoy you.

Back to Basics

2008-06-30T07:41:00.001-04:00

Hey,
I feel that part of the Captain’s job is to try and give advice every now and then. Notice I didn’t say “good advice”. So… sorry, I’m your captain… so… sorry again… I apologize… but you DO know this means you’re screwed right? I mean, you get that right? Okay, just so we’re clear.

Now that I got that um… “disclaimer” out there I can get to the advice. Yes! I actually have some! Are you ready? Here it is… Jay’s pearl of wisdom is…; when you’re pool game is off a bit it’s not a bad idea to review some fundamentals. Ta-Daaaa!!!! Yes! Oh YES! Home Run! Outta da park!!! BOOM!!!

ahem

Seriously, getting your game back to a foundation of fundamentals does several things right away. It helps you concentrate on something, as in, the fundamentals. That’s good, because otherwise you’re concentrating on… what? The waitress? No! Not good. Better to concentrate on fundamentals. So enough already? State some fundamentals already? Well, okay, I will.

It’s as easy as 1,2,3: 1) Plan your shot 2) Address your shot 3) Make your shot. This is not rocket science folks. However, if you’re fumbling through your pool w/o structure, and you’re missing easy shots and you’re not sure why, or if you just seem lost… these 3 steps can really help. I’ll expand a little (sorry, it’s what I do… expand, expand, expand… all day long) on each of the 3 steps.

1) Plan your shot
When it’s your turn you don’t just walk up to the table and shoot the first shot you see. You have to be comfortable walking around the table a bit, looking around, and let your mind have a few seconds to make the best decision possible. This planning phase is where you make the decision about what shot to make. Once you decide you stick w/ it. No turning back.

2) Address your shot
What I do here is drill my vision in to the object ball. I stand behind the object ball and find the line where I expect it to go once it’s stuck by the cue ball. Then I move over to the cue ball and set my bridge, continually focusing on the object ball. It’s all about the object ball when it comes to aiming. Remember, there is NO DOUBT at this point of your game. All the decisions you made about what shot to make, how hard to hit it, etc., all that was done in the “Plan your shot” step which was before. Addressing your shot is about aiming, focusing, fine tuning, practicing w/ smooth practice strokes, etc. Big mistake I see people make is here. They get down on a shot then they look around the table. Well, you’ve just ruined the current shot cause you distracted yourself and you probably threw your aim for the current shot off.

3) Make your shot
Okay, now you’re ready. No decisions to make here. Nothing left to do except execute. You know what shot you’re making cause you’ve “planned” and you know where you’re aiming and how hard you’re hitting, English if any, etc. cause you’ve “planned” the shot. And you’ve prepared yourself and gotten ready by “addressing” the shot. All that’s left is to “make” the shot. Now is the time to block the world out of your mind. One thing I like to do here is to envision the shot happening on the table just as I’ve imagined it. As in, I see the cue ball being struck, then connection w/ the object ball, the object ball going in, and then the cue ball winding up where I expect it to wind up. “Making the shot” is about willing the shot to happen the way you want it to happen.

So, I hope all that wasn’t too heady for you. Actually, I forced myself to be brief on all this believe it or not. Oh, I think you know me. I could’ve gone on and on and on….

Just in closing I want to make it clear that this article is not directed any particular player(s). I’m writing this to the whole team, including myself. Yes, ask anybody, I talk to myself all the time.

Good shooting!

Pool night - 06-26-08

2008-06-26T11:20:00.003-04:00

Hey,

You know what? I love you. I really really do. I know what you’re saying. You’re saying; Wow, Jay is really off his rocker today. And that’s what I love about you. You’re never afraid to tell me what you think of me. I just love that. But you know what else? I know you love me too. Don’t deny it. It’s okay, you can say it. Love, love, love. I just love the word love, don’t you? I just love it. And I really love just saying the word; love. And I love you. Did I say that already? Well, I do, I just love you.

So, pool last night was just lovely. I loved it. I love the pool hall. I love the people in it. I love my team. I love the game. I love the opponents. I love the thrill, the excitement, the tension of competition. I just love it. And I love everybody.

Vince was first to play last night. I just love Vince. He’s such a great guy. And Vince loves me. I know he does. He’s a lovely guy. His opponent last night was Anne who is a lovely manager there at The Playing Field. I just love Anne. She’s so nice!. Vince was definitely on his game, AGAIN, and beat Anne 19-13. Way to go Vince! I just love it when you’re game is on, and it has REALLY been on lately, which is just lovely!

Next up was Bobby. Bobby’s such a great guy. I just love Bobby, don’t you? Bobby was a bit unlucky last night as he was matched up w/ Sean. Sean sortof a grumpy kinda guy but that’s okay cause I love him anyway. It feels good to love a grumpy person, don’t it? Anyway, even though Bobby lost he played really well. I love it when people play well, don’t you?

Scott was next. Hey Scott! I love you man! Scott was matched up w/ this lovely girl named Kari. What a great match it was too. I just love it when it’s a really close match like this one was. It was down to the wire. I mean, REALLY down to the wire. I love that. Scott lost by only one ball. So close! I love it when it’s that close. And I really don’t mind losing when it’s that close. I hope Scott doesn’t mind either. I just love Scott, don’t you?

Playing in the 4-spot last night was Gordon, The Frezinator. I love The Fretzinator. He’s always there, he always plays great pool, and he really loves the game. I do too! I love pool! Gordon played a pregnant girl named Brenda. I just love pregnant girls, don’t you? They’re pretty. Anyway, Gordon lost to Brenda. Maybe he was just feeling generous so he let her win. I love being generous.

I was last and played Larry. And I think you know how I feel about Larry. I just love him. He’s great! It was a SL7-SL7 match. I really love those, don’t you? It was pretty tough but I got a few lucky leaves and managed to win. I love winning. Poor Larry. I felt sorry for Larry. But I love winning too so it’s all good.

Thomas was there rooting everyone on last night. I love Thomas. He’s so nice. Everybody loves Thomas. He so gracious and loving. You can tell he really loves pool and loves his teammates the way he roots everyone on and all.

Stephanie took the night off. I love Stephanie. Well, what am I saying, EVERYONE loves Stephanie. I just want to hug her and squeeze her. I just love her to death. And I just love how Stephanie plays pool. She so good! I love it that she’s so good.

Hao and Shunying are still in China this week. I just love Hao and Shunying. They’re such a great couple. Such a loving couple. There’s a lot of love there. I just love to see that don’t you? A nice loving couple! You just can’t beat that. I love that!

Our server last night was Tanya. I really really love Tanya. She’s always so nice. And very pretty. I love pretty girls. I’ll bet Tanya was the prettiest girl in the pool hall last night. I mean, there were lots of girls and lots of them were pretty but I’ll bet Tanya was just the prettiest. I just can’t tell you how much I love pretty girls.

Well, I guess that’s it for this week my friends. I just want to close this out by saying that I love my wife. I really love her. And I really love loving her. And I love my kids. They’re great kids. I also love my Ma of course. And my Dad. I also love my job and all the people I work with. I just love everybody.

I also love my doctor. He gave me these great pills the other day. I just love pills, don’t you?

Love,
Jay

Pool night - 06-19-08

2008-06-19T08:18:00.001-04:00

Hey,
Last night’s adventure was exhilarating. Actually, I think I nodded off 7 times. I think I slept through half the matches. Oh okay, I guess that deserves correction. It was okay I guess. Just being a whiner cause nobody took their cloths off and ran around the table... or something exciting like that. It was just straight pool last night. I mean, it was 9-Ball, not straight pool, but it was strictly straight, as in... no nakedness.

I guess if anyone had something to be thrilled about it was Vince who smashed his opponent Cindy, aka Mom. He barely gave her a point but then again, I think she could barely see. As in physically “see”. Her glasses were thick as the Hubble telescope. As such, we had to keep pointing her to the right pool table, and the cue ball, and the right end of the stick...

Gordon was next and was matched against a SL2 for the 2nd week in a row. Also for the past 2 weeks Gordon has had a pretty little girly-girl as well. So…. both weeks Gordon has walked away w/ a loss and a very hard and heavy stick (not his cue either). Loss and stick must be related. Sorry Gordo, next time I promise to throw you against one of those big biker dude types w/ the big beer gut.

I was next and had a rematch w/ James, my bald-headed Asian nemesis. Last time we played he came out hot and I caught up and won. This time we traded roles and he took the win by a rack. Next time I promise to get that Starbucks enema I usually get and be ready to play.

Thomas had the lucky draw next and played Max. Max is an excellent shot and was on last night and took the win. He’s a nice guy but the two earrings, the sole patch on the chin, and the effeminate speech kinda weirds me out.

Stephanie was last and was matched against a sorta scary girl named Laura, aka “Ra-Ra”. She looked and talked mean. No, not Steph. I mean Ra-Ra. I said a prayer before I went to bed last night and prayed that Ra-Ra didn’t get her nick-name via a job as a day-care provider. If so, poor kids and thank God for prisons. Steph’s play was perfecto and took the win w/ ease.

Our server last night was Tanya. She was very quiet as usual and started the night off w/ wet hair, as usual. Very attentive and remembered everyone’s names, as usual. Just wish she’d talk more – too shy. Next week I plan on brining a syringe of adrenalin and plan to inject it straight into her tongue. Will that work? Yeah, probably not. No harm in trying though. Is it?

Had some fun w/ Doug after the matches. Doug’s this captain from another team – can’t remember the team name. He’s got no hair but has a big redish furry beard. He’s short, always has a favorite pair of jean shorts to wear, and is pretty funny when he’s drunk. And he’s drunk a LOT. He also makes lots of funny faces: eyes half closed, one eye closed other wide open, one eye half closed the other closed all the way, etc. [btw, I saw you trying that just now…] His slurred speech is one of the funnier versions I’ve heard as well. I like that guy – reminds me of my uncle Ramone, deceased – died of party-hardy syndrome.

Pool night - 06-12-08

2008-06-12T07:43:00.003-04:00

Last night at the Triple started off great. Everyone was in a really good mood – joking around, laughing, having fun. The sole waitress/bartender in the joint obviously noticed our jovial attitudes and slipped something in our drinks cause soon as we started playing it was like we had swallowed a bad oyster or something. Seriously, soon as our matches started we were making ugly faces, burping up acid, our vision got blurry, and we lined up to go potty. Bitch must’ve slipped us something bad. I’m thinking of reporting her to the BBB: Bad Bartenders Bureau.

But lets take a little responsibility. We didn’t play all that great. Yeah, maybe it was the drugs in our drinks or maybe it was just us. Being the good captain I am I have reached out to an advice hotline that only certain pool captains are privy to. I took the liberty of paraphrased advice questions for my players. You’re welcome. Here’s your advice:

Dear Abby: My name is Stephanie and I went first last night. I got matched against this girl named Andrea (SL2) who has a really young girlish face and a rather large rump. It was her birthday and her team brought her cupcakes. Yeah, they’ll go straight to her rump (I hope). Anyway, I felt like I should just let her win cause it was her birthday and all. Was that wrong?
Abby: I’m guessing Andrea was one of those blondy-blond types and you felt sorry for her genetic curse/lack of intellect. Don’t let that get in the way next time. You should always crush your opponent. Next time use your fearsome mean face when you play and ask her if she needs to pee before every shot she takes – that’ll do it. Mental image: Car crusher at the auto junk yard.

Dear Abby: My name is Bobby and I’m still finding my sea-legs for this pool league thing. I was matched against this guy Jeff (SL3) that played like a SL6 last night. What the freak?!?
Abby: Yeah, that happens sometimes. There is no justice in this league of misfits. Sometimes players sandbag, sometimes they just get lucky. My guess is you experienced the latter because there’s few in this league that have enough gray matter to even spell “sandbag”. As for finding your sea-legs, try Red Robster, I hear they have a special this week. Or, just give it some time my friend. Mental image: On a beach, relaxing, taking your time to tan, pool cue in one hand, cue ball in the other.

Dear Abby: My name is Scott and my asshole captain screwed me again this week. He psyched me out by throwing me against another Laura. I played a Laura last week and got my butt kicked. This week I got matched up w/ another Laura (SL4) who is a waitress at TPF. Plus, my captain ended the match too early and basically gave 6 free points to Laura. I think my captain did that because she wore this hot little black dress and looked... hot.
Abby: I suspect your captain was experiencing fatigue factor syndrome. That or the bartender put something in his drink. See BBB.com. Besides, I heard he likes guys, not girls. Also, next time you play ask your captain to throw you against an opponent named Lori or Lauren or something like that. Obviously the Laura’s have your number. Mental image: You are sitting on a girls head – she’s asking you to get off cause it hurts and you’re messing up her hair – her name is Laura.

Dear Abby: My name is Thomas and I went 4th last night and played this guy Heath (SL5). He looked like a typical punk student, probably “A” student at that. I hung w/ him for the first few racks but then the little shit got on a role and smoked me. Why the freak does this crap happen to me? Don’t the pool gods like me anymore?
Abby: My poor confused young man. You’re job is to score points by making shots. If your opponent scores more you should shake their hand and kiss them on the cheek and say thank you for the lesson. Then, when they turn to walk away you crack your cue over their head. That’s what I do! Plus, the pool gods only help those that meditate on a daily basis and you missed this past Monday (they told me). Mental image: Legs crossed – levitating above the table – hands on knees – tongue-fu in place.

Dear Abby: I wasn’t even supposed to play last night. My name is Gordon and I was thrown against this flibberty girl named Tina (SL2). She was dressed in this skimpy little dress, very hot, and talked like she had recently completed the 8th grade. I whipped her butt of course. My question is; Why do I have to carry this team all the time?
Abby: Hey, I heard of you! You’re the great Fretzinator! You’re awesome! I should be writing you for advice! Yeah, no wonder you squashed that little chick last night. You should probably find a better team to play w/. Sounds like these guys don’t appreciate you enough. On second thought, carry them to the playoffs, win a big trophy, and tell that lame captain of yours to double your salary.
Mental image: You, Laura, and Tina in a threesome. I’ll bring the video camera. How bout it?!?

Wow! Nothing like good advice, eh?

Pool night - 06-05-08

2008-06-06T15:10:00.001-04:00

Yeah, I know, it’s been a while since I sent a pool email. We had a break between the spring and summer sessions so there was no pool for a couple weeks. Plus, I’ve basically just been depressed since time has grown short for my buddy Joe Banks and his relocation to Saint Lewis.

BTW, I hate friggin Chaint Luish! It really shucks. For those who don’t know, Dave, aka Joe Banks, my pool buddy for years, is being relocated to St. Louis per his job. So, anything pool has been pretty depressing for the last sev weeks. I don’t write when I’m depressed.

Anyway, I’ll try to relay details of this week’s pool night.

#1 – I should’ve thrown Stephanie. She was there and was kickin ass in warm-up. Two new guys, Scott and Bobby were first and both were attacked a little by newby jitters. Understandable. Scott had a really tough opponent who took little/no mercy. Bobby did a little better keeping up but came up short about 1 rack.

Gordon was next and also came up short about a rack. Vince played the 4 spot and got w/in one ball – very close – but also lost. I was last and was the only player to win – got him by about 2 racks.

Server was Krissy who was kindof annoying, or maybe it was just my poor mood. Sometimes you just want to tell a waitress: “Hey, quit smiling at me and asking me if I’m okay. I’m friggin fine and I will LET you know when I need sumthin. Now get the heck away from me!” Okay, she wasn’t that bad. I’m just having a bad month. Damn Saynt Luy!

Many thanks to Hao for keeping score and the post-match training sessions for Scott.

Note to the team, if you leave me, like to relocate to some BS town like Ceant Looice, then don’t be surprised if I break my cue over your head.

Top 10 reasons you know you’re addicted to pool

2008-04-28T12:59:00.000-04:00

10. All the laundry came out blue because you left piece of chalk in your pocket
9. You always go for that parking space right in the corner of the lot
8. You take an hour eating a handful of grapes because each grape has to be rolled across the table just so before it’s eaten
7. Your favorite pool hall receives a post card addressed to you from your spouse saying “Wish You Were Here!!!”
6. You know all the pool hall waitresses’ names, their favorite color, and average service time to get you a beer (down to the second)
5. You’ve tried everything on the pool hall menu at least 7 times
4. You’ve had to explain to your dear old granny 100 times about how pool is not a violent game despite what she’s heard about all that “shooting and cutting…”
3. You’ve heard over 1,000 jokes about “balls” and you think every one of them is funny
2. The lady at daycare says your kid needs a lot of time-outs so you promise to practice more w/ him/her on their bank shots
1. You see a room full of pool tables and friends as the best place in the world to be

Pool night - 04-24-08

2008-04-24T17:19:00.000-04:00

Remember last week when I said we sucked big-time? We lost 66-34 remember? Well, last night was a huge improvement. We only lost 63-37. Much better! I am really proud of our accomplishments! Next week our goal will be to break 40! That’s a good goal right? 40!
Ehnn… Urg…. Uh-oh… here it comes… reality check… grrrrr….. uhnnn… boiling over now…. SHEEEEE-ITTTTT! I mean, HONESTLY!!! Can’t none of these teams give us a friggin’ break! Just how hard is it for our opponents to just lay there and let us beat the crap outta ‘em anyways? Huh? How hard? I ask you! I just don’t know what the hell’s wrong w/ ‘em. Do you? I’m gettin sick of this! I’m seriously considering switching cues to a billy-club for next week. Or maybe some nice num-chucks. Think I can shoot w/ those?
Okay, so first victim was Shunying. And I will say right off that she lost because of one reason: me. Yep, all me. No denying it. Not trying. Shunying (SL2) was matched against opponent team captain, Doug (SL5), a very good player. Doug’s got skills. He’s also short, pudgy, bald, and loves Bob Marley (well-loved/worn t-shirt for the evening). But he’s a good shot and I won’t bother to cut him up. I like the guy. Anyway, Shunying lost by 5 points (38-14). She needed 19. 4 of those points were my fault. She had the 7-8-9 and it was a very easy layout. Doug shot at the 7 and I thought he missed so I called it a foul and Shunying grabbed the cue-ball. EHN!! NO! Apparently Doug had “grazed” the 7-ball so my call of foul was… WRONG! Wonderful! Shunying’s last night playing for the pool team for a while and I go ahead and screw it all up. Are you sensing the frustration level now? Are you getting that feeling that I have a crab-claw up my ass? Well… you’re right. Serves me right for eating at that all-u-can-eat/barf-crab-claw-buffet. Good price though! But kinda crunchy.
Next victim? Vince. Vinchenzo! Vinnie! The great Vindini! Now did I say “victim”? How stupid of me! Not Vince! Victim? Ha! Far from it last night. Last night was Vince’s night. He won! And let me just say, it was an extremely dramatic win. Highly entertaining! Vince was DEFINITELY the man folks. So lemme give you the scoop. His opponent was Bryan (SL3), so the match was SL2-SL3. Bryan started out the match by zoning in on my blood pressure issue - he got a bunch of lucky leaves on Vince. Grrr… Frustation levels rising… gonna smack somebody… But it was okay folks. Vince just smiled and took all that crap in stride. He played some really good gets outta the lucky leaves and some good safeties where he could. And he made the shots when he got the shots. Points! That’s a good thing folks! Actually scoring points! Anyway, the score is extremely tight. Bryan needs 3 and Vince needs one, check it out, UNO points to win and he’s got the break. I told him; “Vince, buddy, pleeeeze, for me, hit it hard as you can – something will fall in.” So Vince digs deep, rares back, and WHAM! Hits it hard as he could! But, and this is a big but, bigger than my butt and that’s big lemme tell ya, but the cue-ball glances off sharply and enters the corner pocket. The dreaded speed-scratch break. Ouch! So Bryan gets ball in hand and sinks the 1-Ball but the 2-Ball is in precarious position so he plays safe. A very very good safe. All Vince can see is a sliver. And all the other balls are all over making for cluttered table. Vince calmly checks out the lay of the land, strolls up to the table, and wham!, smacks a full-table bank-shot, thru traffic, into the corner, for the win. How cool is that? Awesome! Vince, you fully rocked at that moment. My idol. I wanna be just like you buddy. All except that beard. And bald head. And your job. And the car you drive. And those shoes! But everything else… yeah, that’s me – I’m all over it.
Oh, I just don’t know if I have the energy to go on… I’m drained. Somebody get me a Red Bull. Not the drink. I want the real thing. Nothing like getting a set of red horns chasin you around a meadow somewhere. Besides, it’s nice outside, eh?
Where was I? Oh yeah, next victim was David, aka Joseph Banks. (SL4-SL4 match) Joe’s opponent was Raaaachel. That’s how all the guys say it; “Raaachel”. See if you can figure out why. Anyway, so David’s eyes are too occupied watching Raaaachel play so he has very little time, very little time indeed, to watch what he himself is actually doing at the table. I wanted to do the V-8 bop on the head and tell him to snap out of it but I was sorta afraid I’d get sprayed from all the drool sliding down the corners of his mouth. So… I steered clear of the V-8 strategy. Vince calls her “Venus of the table” BTW. Nice. He also pointed out her finely manicured pink toenails. I, for one, always noticing the little details of things, did not need the information. I had long ago noticed. Ya know? I guess if I had to wear all those crazy open-toe shoes those girls wear I guess I might do my toe-nails too. Not pink mind you but maybe at least clipped. And maybe not as green as I usually keep them either. Ah well, I digress. Poor Joseph did manage a brief come-back w/ a few inspirational bank shots but it wasn’t enough. He lost 31-24. Suggested prescription: more guy-rage practice.
Next up was Stephanie (SL3) who got to play Ryan (SL4). What a catch that Ryan is for the ladies. Lemme tell ya. His t-shirt had a small confederate flag on the breast and on the back it said; “Size Does Matter”. And there was a picture of a buck/deer. I didn’t get it. I rarely get it. Redneck humor that is. I mean, Jeff Foxworthy is funny. Love his work. But those guys that do the t-shirts… I think they’re missing a few screws. And the guys that buy them? Yeah, you feeling me, I know. Anyway, Steph was behind in her match. Badly behind. She needed something like 15 points and Ryan needed like 4. And then somebody on the opponent team made the mistake of informing Steph of this fact. And, naturally, she turned on the jets and made an excellent come-back. Cause that's how that girls rolls, right? I thought for sure she’d be able to take it to the end. But it just didn’t happen. She had a “dreaded 3-ball” shot. And we’re all aware of those dreaded 3-ball shots. No more explanation needed right? What’re we talking about? Anyway, she lost but it was very close.
Last to play was Thomas (SL5). His opponent was the feisty-tempered Todd (SL6). Toddy-boy has a reputation of being highly susceptible to temper tantrums. I heard once that he held his breath until his opponent let him choose the table for their match. Oh wait! That was last night! Really! What could we do? We couldn’t let him pass out! So we waited for Steph’s match to end so Todd, Terrible Todd, Tantrum Todd, Toddy-boy, could get his way and get the table he wanted. Needless to say, Thomas started a little off-kilter. I think Thomas and I were sorta sharing the same approach to our opponent team last night; smiling on the outside, boiling blood on the inside. Where does that dishonest, frustrating, state of mind come from anyways? Do we do that to ourselves or is the devil out there somewhere sending demons into our minds to attack us? To bring us down… To turn us into… Okay, sorry – got off topic for a sec there – too much late-night horror-story reading. Anyway, Thomas lost to the Toddster the texter. Yeah, I forgot to mention we had to wait a couple shots on Todd because he was busy texting someone. Which of course, is much more important than playing pool. When it’s your turn… And everyone’s waiting… And you’re like, just texting away… And you don’t even care… I gotta stop using all those dot-dot-dot’s don’t I?
So that’s it for the matches. Vince won his, everyone else lost. Oh well.
Kudos to the Freztinator for being there for team support last night. Yes, the Fretzinator was there to witness the slaughter. What a guy. Mostly he just had his hands over his eyes though. Good thing he was there though because I know he knows CPR and it gave me some confidence knowing that my blood pressure issue would be taken care of if it escalated into a full-blown Jay-boy hissy-fit. You know the ones I get? Anyway, the Fretzger knows how to keep me calm. His best technique: “Waitress! Please! This man here will have another please! And make it quick will ya!” What a guy! Really knows how to take care of me. Wonder if he takes care of his wife, Eileen the key-master, that well? Doubt it.
And our teammate and buddy Hao was also there last night. Enjoying the spectacle. Enjoying the view. Enjoying the free table practice time. Enjoying his water (guy doesn’t drink! Can you imagine?!) One good reason for him to show up was to collect his 9-On-the-Snap patch from last week. Yes, I think I forgot to mention that in my update last week. See, the APA likes to award it’s players w/ patches when they exhibit astounding billiards feats like sinking the 9-Ball on the break. Yay! And us players love those patches. There good for all sorts of things. Like… um… well, I guess they’re good for… Heck… I dunno. Anyway, a big congratulations to Hao! Oh yeah, another reason he might’ve been there was to watch over his wife, Shunying. Damn TPF vultures all over the place!
And our server last night was Tonya, straight-faced the entire night as usual. Can’t get a smile outta that girl for nuttin’. I tipped her $10 and all she could do was roll her eyes at me like I was making a pass. Puh-leeeze! Next tip will be definitely be in the single digit category – something very low – I’m thinking $8.50. What can I say? I’m a big tipper. Don’t tell my wife.
Next week’s fun will again be at TPF where we will play our old nemesis team the Pool Cats. And of course, we’ll have to deal w/ that sneaky Pool Cat Dave S. If anybody has any good ideas how to deal w/ him please let me know. Only thing I can come up w/ right now is the old Ex-lax in the coffee bit. But you know, for a guy like Dave I’m not even sure that’d work.
Players next week: Gordon Vince Hao Stephanie Jay (and Mr. Greenjeans if we can get him)
cya

Pool night addendum - 04-17-08

2008-04-17T11:42:00.001-04:00

Okay, so I forgot to mention my buddy Thomas who was there last night to support his team - our team - the one that got it's butt kicked - hard - very hard. Poor guy just sat there like bump on a log last night. So what could I have said? Nice log you got there buddy? Don't sound too good do it? Well, at least he had those 3 buckets of beers to keep his mind off the utter destruction. That's okay buddy - I'll be extra colorful about you next week. I promise. I'm already working up some good BS to say.

Pool night - 04-17-08

2008-04-17T11:28:00.001-04:00

Hey team,
Remember my Email from earlier this week saying how I was hoping we'd get our butts kicked? Well, last night it happened! We got em kicked! Very hard! Wait! That doesn't sound right. Maybe we need a new strategy.
So we lost 66-34 which was the exact same score when we lost to these guys on Jan 30. These guys being Bastinado. That's their team name. Can you believe that? BTW, Bastinado apparently means "punishment consisting of whipping the soles of the feet." Yeah, well, they didn't seem to be interested in our feet as much as our butts last night.
I'm copying a bunch of new people on this Email today so I'm gonna explain a couple things. Firstly, I send out these Emails weekly after we play pool, league pool that is. If you don't want the Emails, fine, be that way - lemme know and I'll delete you from my vast list of personal Email addresses (up to 4 now). B, I refer to "SL" meaning Skill Level and points which are 1 point for each ball sunk w/ the 9-ball earning 2 points. SL is used by the league as a handicapping system. SL1 needs 14 points to win, SL2 needs 19, SL3=25, SL4=31, SL5=38, SL6=46, SL7=55, SL8=65, SL9=75. First player to reach their needed points wins. Get it? Not that hard to understand unless you're really hungover or you work behind the counter at 7-11. Sorry Dad, I had to say that bit about 7-11. Three, each team can have 8 players (minimum 5) and each league night 5 of your team plays 5 of their team. At the end of the match there are team points assigned depending on the indiv match results. There's a lot more to it but the rest is boring and I've probably already bored you enough so.... Anyway, I just have fun writing about the people we meet and whatever, ergo these fantasmigorical write-ups! ahem
Now, let's get to the action last night, shall we?
First up was Gordon, aka The Fretzinator! So Fretzy walks in last night - no cue. Huh? Apparently his spousal unit, Eileen, got locked out of the house. And they live in the deep deep jungles of southside so right away you gotta be asking yourself; why do they lock their house? Yeah, me too. Anyway, Fretzinator says he has to go home to let his wife in so he's backing out on the whole pool night thing. I said; "Whoa now! Can't she just settle in to the outhouse out back till you get there?" [note: most southside "homes" have outhouses ya know] That turned out to be a good plan so Fretzker stayed and played Timothy (SL3) making it a SL4-SL3 match. Timothy (TJ to his friends) had a very scruffy beard and wore a procto glove. [note to new readers: procto gloves are these fabric two-finger and thumb gloves that some players use for… self examinations… as well as to help the cue glide better on their hand.] The other funny thing Timothy (yeah, I'm not a friend so I didn't say TJ - besides, TJ also stands for toe jam and that's gross so…) half the time Timothy shot he had his heels together like he was Charlie Chaplin or sumthin. Looked pretty funny to me anyways. I thought he was gonna waggle his cue like ole Charlie there for a minute! Anyway, in the end The Fretzinator must've been too worried about Eileen cause he lost (25-26). Pretty close though.
Next was yours truly. I was matched w/ Brian (SL7-SL7 match). Let me just say… I stunk. Really bad. Last time I stunk that bad was when I had two, count 'em - TWO, 7-11 gut-bomb burritos. My wife almost went ahead w/ those divorce papers after I pulled the covers over her head and "shared" the ultra stinkiness from those burritos. That's how bad it was. (referring to "ultra…" not "divorce") We're talking PEEEE YOU here folks! I just dunno wha happen’d! I blame Eileen. Sheez! Get a key will ya! No, I blame the pollen - really bad these days, eh? I mean, it's all over my car - all up in my eyes - dusting up in my nose… I can't hardly breath I tell ya! Anybody know where I can get a good Haz-Mat suit? Anyway, final score was 55-32. Ouchy mama! Next time I'll have THREE gut-bombs. Then, when Bozo-Brian kicks my butt he'll regret it cause we'll just explode or sumthin. And you can be sure I'll know where to aim my big ole butt!
Third to play last night was David, aka Joe Banks. He got to play Papa Joe, a SL5. (SL4-SL5 match) Papa Joe is nice fella - can't cut him up. Good player too. After Joseph lost he told me; "He's a good player, a thinker." Hmmm, a "thinker" eh? Yeah, gotta look out for those. Anybody that thinks has GOT to be trouble right? A few comments come to mind: You THINK you can beat me? You THINK you can eat all that? You THINK you're getting into MY pants? Yeah, those thinkers are trouble I tell ya! Other thing about Dave last night was that he ordered a plate of wings, then.. UH OH! He forgot his cell phone - left it in the car! Oh NO!!! Must…. have… cell phone… when I play pool. This UN-thinking could not go unpunished, so, naturally as team captain I had to step up and… punish. So I doused Dave's wings w/ pepper, except for one which I doused w/ a pack of sugar. All through the smacking, bone sucking, finger licking wing experience I kept asking Dave how his wings were. All he could said was; "eh – nothin special… not great…" A little advice to Dave; pay attention to the little things sometimes – like what you put in your mouth – and like, maybe, the cue ball. THINK about it. Final score was 38-25.
Next up was Stephanie (SL3) who played Jim. (SL3-SL2 match) I immediately noticed a familiarity in Jim so I wasn’t really surprised when Dave also noticed and commented on it. Jim could be a stunt double for Jaws from the Bond movies – the older ones – the good ones. Remember Jaws? He was the guy w/ the metal teeth and liked to bite you to death. Jim=Jaws. Same large forehead – same large stature – just didn’t have the teeth, or at least not that I noticed. So how you gonna compete against someone like that? I ask you! Honestly! Poor Stephanie against a humongous beast of a creature like that. Who would subject her to such a horrible match up? Who’s the dumb-ass captain who would do that? Oh… that’s me. Well, um, sorry. Stephanie did manage to not get her butt kicked which was the goal for the evening if you do recall. Actually, what she told me was that she got her "ass kicked." Totally different. It’s a guy-girl thing. Final score 19-9.
Lastly was Hao. Our savior. Our one and only winner for the evening. Our shining star. He was matched up w/ Shaun. Big Shaun. HUUUGE Shaun. (SL4-SL4 match). Shaun’s license plate is covered by a sign; WIDE LOAD. I felt sorry for his tennis shoes – the rubber on the bottom was squeezing out the sides from the immense pressure. We’re talking big here folks. And Shaun’s a relatively short guy as well. And last night he was in a very bad mood. Guess the guy don’t like losing. He was cursin’ up a storm as he missed shot after shot. Best colorful comment he made was when he missed a fairly easy 3-ball in the corner and looked at his cue like it was alive and had a real personality and everything and he called it a "FU#% STICK". Whoa! Ha ha! Now, I’m not sure I’ve ever called my cue names much less that. That’s a good one though. Gotta give ole Shaun credit for creativity on that one. Anyway, Hao remembered Shaun beating him last time we played these Bastinado Bastards so he was out for revenge. He got it. Final score was 31-22.
So that’s it on the pool. We got beat, but good. Only 1 match won outta 5.
Our server last night was Lindsey. She actually had her son (maybe 8) in to show him off early in the evening. Yep, good place to show your young son around. A pool hall w/ a bunch of whack-jobs and drinking teams w/ a pool problem. I love you Linds but keep your boy at home. We’ll corrupt him quicker than snot on a schnauzer. (say this 3 times fast: "snot on a schnauzer")
Vinchenzo was not present last night. He better have been taking care of his wonderful wife Penny. We’ll expect a full report next week as to his whereabouts.
Shunying was also AWOL. Rumor is that she’s found a nice arts and crafts club and has been cheating on her pool team on certain nights. Trader!
Next week we’re back at TPF folks. We’ll be on the toy 7’ tables.

Prospectus Poppycock

2008-04-15T10:49:00.002-04:00

I have a few investments. I’m not rich by a long shot but I do have some money in stocks, mutual funds, money markets, etc. It’s basically rainy day money or rainy retirement day money I should say. Basically, I don’t touch this “money”. I enjoy ignoring it or watching the value go up and down like the waves on an ocean. I guess that’s why I ignore it mostly. I don’t do well on the water – get sea-sick easily.

ANYWAY….

I get these prospectus’ in the mail. What’s a prospectus you ask? Well! I’m so glad you asked!!! A prospectus is usually a pamphlet, maybe 50 pages or so, that has something to do w/ the investment you have. Exactly what is a mystery to just about everyone except the person that wrote the darn thing. My theory is that there’s only a few real prospectus versions out there and all the investment companies just sorta copy a version and slap their name on it. You see, what’s actually inside these “documents” is a bunch of legal mumbo-jumbo and/or financial verbiage that only the most advanced economic professors at Harvard are qualified to understand. And even then they’re faking it. Seriously, I know a guy who knows a guy who told me. It’s either too complicated or it’s clear that they’re just screwing w/ you. Great!

I’ll give you a few examples. Just for fun! Cause you know you’re really interested! Right!
I got one just recently, and I won’t name the investment, but let’s just take a look at it shall we?

First thing I notice is that the front cover has a picture of fruit on it. Goes pretty well w/ the “grow your investment” concept eh? Immmmpressive! Hey, but wait a minute! Doesn’t fruit rot eventually? Unless you swallow it? Hmmm, maybe not so impressive.

Let’s move on.

Inside cover: “Not FDIC Insured – May Lose Value – No Bank Guarantee”
Now THAT sounds reassuring don’t it?! Sorta like; “hey, if anything goes wrong, you’re screwed and it’s not our problem! And we mean it!”. Nice!

Also inside cover just below the above statement: “This is not part of the prospectus.”
Holy shit! This is a serious document. You have been warned that this page is legally part of the prospectus and this other page is not. Pay attention now!

Page 1, or first actual prospectus page which is legal I guess: “The Securities and Exchange commission has not approved or disapproved the fund’s shares or determined whether this prospectus is accurate or complete. Anyone who tells you otherwise is committing a crime.”
Again! Another disclaimer stating that this investment company really means business when it says; don’t hold us to the contents of this document now – we’re just messin’ w/ ya – so don’t sue us okay?.....

Next page: “Investment Objective: The fund’s investment objective is to seek capital appreciation. The fund’s objective may be changed without shareholder approval.”
Okay, so now I’m gonna turn on the jets and give you an expert interpretation. I’m an expert ya know. The REAL objective of this investment is to make money. That’s right! What they’re really trying hard to do here is take some money over here – invest it over there – get the money to grow – and then… everybody has what? More money! You get it? It’s easy, right?
Now hold on though. Let’s review that second sentence. What they’re saying there is hey, if we change our minds about the whole money making business, we can do that, as in, we can decide NOT to make money. And oh, by the way, we don’t need your permission for that. Makes sense don’t it? So what’s the REAL objective here? Official Reply: Um… what’re we talkin’ about?

See a theme here? Basically, what these prospectus’s are for are to basically remind you that they got your money and they want to make more for you but we have these big legal/financial documents we have to write and mail and that takes time and money. Money that could be going to you but we have all this overhead ya know: Paper, ink, printing, postage, etc. So give us a break!

Okay, so those examples are good mumbo-jumbo examples but not all that complicated. I looked through a few pages (extremely painful process – did it for you – who loves ya baby?!?) and found the following:
“You pay no initial sales charge when you invest $1 million or more in Class A shares (or, with respect to certain retirement plans, if XYZ determines in it’s sole discretion that the total purchases by the retirement plan (or by multiple plans maintained by the same plan sponsor) will equal or exceed within a reasonable period of time a specified threshold determined by XYZ). However, a CDSC of 1% will generally be deducted from your redemption proceeds if you redeem within 12 months of your purchase.”
NOTE: “XYZ” is my way of making the investment firm anonymous.
Okay, see the tricky part? Right at the end there they said “12 months” when they could’ve easily just said “one year”. They make it too complex I tell ya!
Okay, the expert interpretation: “If you give us $1 million, be careful, cause we can basically do whatever the hell we want w/ it. And by the way, we have CDSC! And it’s contagious!”

In closing on this thrilling topic I just want to say that I am sure I am not the first person to elaborate on the brilliant clarity of these wonderful prospectus documents. But please, go out there and read your own – or ask to read a friend’s. Or… you can just do what everybody else does w/ these documents:
Recycle bin or Trash can – pretty boring though
Test out that new shredder in the office
Start a fire – preferably in your fireplace
Gum disposal
Table leveler device
Paper aviation equipment
Doodle-mania
Nasal exit capture material
Confetti material for your next parade
Birdcage bedding
Drop some off at a doctor’s waiting room maybe – people love to read!

Use your imagination!

Pool night - 04-03-08

2008-04-03T17:24:00.000-04:00

It was sorta a slow night last night. Not sure exactly why but the place just seemed quiet and low-key in general. Maybe the seasonal pollen has kicked in and everyone's body is struggling to fight the evil things that pollen does to us. You know, watery eyes, blurred vision, fuzzy thinking, can’t walk straight, etc. Oh but wait! We’re in a pool hall! Everyone’s already like that all the time from the booze and smoke anyways. So, I guess last night’s mood was just a mystery.
Somehow the team rose above the lowly sullen mood and smoked our opponent team, Shark Bait. We won 61-39. Not bad. Maybe that’ll help bring our team up from the low loooow ranking we’re currently mired in.
Hao was first and his opponent was Jeremy, a very good SL5 from memory. (SL4-SL5 match) Jeremy’s hair was approximately 1 millimeter in length on his head, very similar to Thomas’s btw. He also sported a "Designated Wingman" t-shirt along w/ cute little hoop earrings (both ears), a large watch, and a pocketknife too big to fit in his back pocket. Only thing really missing was the motorcycle boots. I can never understand why some right handed players play w/ such big watches on their left wrist. Too distracting IMHO. You wanna check the time or do you wanna play pool? Anyway, later in the match as Hao was kicking ass, Jeremy sported a backwards BoSox cap. I supposed that was his "rally cap". Didn’t work. Hao beat him by a rack and beat the handicap spread winning 31-31.
Next was Vince who played the very pregnant Lisa. (SL2-SL1 match) Poor Lisa had to use a bridge for 90% of her shots. Poor Lisa’s closet still only contains blouses that are open to the navel. Poor Lisa’s feet hurt so she had to play barefoot. Poor Lisa beat Vince 14-14. Vince was okay w/ that as long as he got his Scotch and Guiness and Guiness and Scotch and Scotch… I like how that man drinks. Just kidding. I think he had one shot of Scotch and an ice-water. I promise. (ahem)
Stephanie was next and played a boisterous broad named Barb. (SL3-SL3 match) Hao figured Barb was Jeremy’s wife after she swapped spit w/ him. Touching moment really. Barb’s a top-heavy woman. Poor Lisa’s got nothing on her. Barb’s also a fairly loud and constant yakker. Some people yak like that to counter the nervousness – some yak cause it’s just who they are. For Barb I’m sure it’s the latter. Poor Jeremy. Anyway, Steph trounced the big Barby doll 35-17. Ouch! Hurts so good! You know, I think Stephanie's a big thick juicy steak kinda person. You put a plate of Barb in front of her and she's ready w/ the fork and steak-knife. Know what I mean? Steph comes to play yall!
Next was yours truly. My opponent was Mr. James Lucy, a well known Playing Field regular. (SL7-SL7 match) Been around for years and years. He’s extremely… good. I once asked him to give me a few pointers. He gracefully declined but pointed me to some other players. They also gracefully declined. Of course. Pool players generally want to keep their little secrets I guess. BTW, here’s one: Focus on the OBJECT BALL when shooting, NOT the cue ball! Last time I’ll say it. (ahem) Anyway, James came out hot and I was miserably cold. Thomas came over and told me to slow down. That did the trick and I proceeded to string several good runs together winning the match 55-35. Nice!
Thomas was last and faced Brad, team captain. (SL5-SL6 match) Brad’s an excellent shot – very smooth stroke. Thomas hung w/ him the entire match though. It reminded me of a boxing match to some degree. Back and forth – neither opponent giving up – both wanting the win badly. Okay, so maybe not so dramatic, but it was a battle. Both players played smart and didn’t miss too much. Brad’s defense was maybe a smidgen better than Thomas’s last night. But Thomas’s offense was better and in the end that’s what won it for him. He got his needed 38 and won 38-39 beating Brad by a rack. Brad was none too happy about it either. But then again, Brad has to go home w/ Poor Lisa, his wife. His large pregnant wife. Poor Brad.
Our server last night was Catherine. She didn’t have a whole lot of customers cause the place seemed a little dead as I said before. I found myself disappointed cause she didn’t have to hustle all that much. How pompous of me! Okay, I’m grounded. No, I’m giving myself a time-out! No, I need a spanking! I think serious punishment is called for here. I’ll check w/ my wife on the spanking scenario and let you know how it goes. (ahem)
The Fretzinator was out of town last night (I think). Or we should say "Grandpa Fretzinator" cause his daughter just gave birth this past Saturday to Katlyn Elizabeth. Gordon plans to have a pool cue in her hand by next week so you guys better practice!
Shunying was also out last night. She’s planning a big trip to China to see some Olympics and get some good authentic Chinese food. Not the crap you usually call Chinese food.
Joe Banks also missed last night. He’s busy trying to repair his house after a plumber decided to flood the whole thing. Some plumber. Where’d you hire him Joe? From the side parking lot at WalMart? My understanding was that the water was waist deep. Good thing you had the kids take swim lessons at the YMCA, eh Joe?
On a sad note, I must recognize the passing of an old friend and teammate, Richard Scroggin. Richard played on our team a couple years ago when we were just playing 8-Ball. He lasted several seasons w/ us. He was 44 and a very large man physically which was a necessity for his extra large heart. Along w/ being very kind he was a fairly funny guy as well. He passed away on March 12. Paste from RTD: He was driving a van east on U.S. 460 when it overturned after running off the right side of the road, overcorrecting and then running off the left side of the road. Scroggin, who police said was wearing a seat belt, died later at Lynchburg General Hospital.
So, a tip of the glass to you Richard! We’ll miss you.

Spring Break 2008

2008-03-30T10:52:00.002-04:00

Day 1, 03.23.2008
We all got up really earyly (~4:30am) on Easter Sunday. No, it wasn’t for sunrise service. It was day 1 of our long-awaited spring break vacation. The adrenaline from being at the start of our travels was enough to keep us alert at this ungodly hour. The girls were giggling away in the back of the van as I motored to the airport. I took that as a good sign. No morning grumpies served as maybe a good omen for the day.
After park and ride and airline check-in we got through airport security. That was fun. I just love having some dumbass security person talking down to me like I’m supposed to know all the little details of their rules.
Security: Sir, you have to take the laptop out of the case so it can be scanned properly.
Me: Sorry, I didn’t know.
Security: Sir, you must take off your shoes before you walk through the metal detector. Besides, I like to smell them and compare stench levels for the diff travelers.
Me: Sorry, here’s my smelly Nikes.
Security: Sir, you have to bend over when we do this. How else can I get my finger up your ass.
Me: Sorry, I’ve never had a body cavity search before. BTW, are you dating anyone currently?
Sheez! All they have to do is post these crazy rules on a sign somewhere then we’d know!
Anyway, we get on the plane. It’s all pretty routine from there. Boring. Connecting flight in Charlotte, NC, and eventually we make it to Ft Lauderdale, FL. Only thing about the flights that kinda seemed odd was that both flights had 2 or 3 male flight attendants. Whatever… I guess a lot of gay guys want jobs like that so they can fulfill their “pilot fantasy” maybe someday. Who am I to protest? This one guy though, lead attendant on the last flight, had ears that were abnormally set back in his head. I mean, imagine where your ears are, and then shift them back two inches toward the back of your head. That’s where this guys ears were. No kiddin! Very odd. Add that to his very effeminate voice and really short hair cut and you’ve got a scary dude.
Around 1pm we finally got landed and there’s this lady, about 90 yrs old, from the cruise line, who helps us get on a van to the hotel. Nice lady. But she had these rabbit ears, fluffy pink ones, to celebrate Easter of course. It was just an odd look for her. I kept wanting to tell the nice lady that someone had pulled a joke on her at breakfast at the home and put ears on her head. Didn’t you notice? Goodness sake!
About 2pm we got some lunch in the hotel café. Nothing much to report. The weather really sucked but we made an effort to beach it for a while anyways. “for a while” wound up to be for precisely 4 and a half minutes. It was cold, windy, and looked like the skies would open up any second. So, obviously, our next pick was the pool. Cause, of course, it wouldn’t be the same at the pool, right? Uh, yeah, right. We lasted maybe 10 minutes at the pool I guess. We stayed longer than the beach just because we had so much pride in our decision I guess.
After that we decided a good spell of room camping was in order. Sleeep. Around 7:30pm I woke up and walked around outside for about 20 minutes. In the rain. Yeah, fun. I found a Bubba Gump restaurant that looked okay so I went back to the rooms and dragged the family out for dinner. The ladies were a little worried about getting their hair wet but their stomachs overruled so we made a go of it. It was just sprinkling a bit so it was okay.
So, a fairly good meal at Bubba Gumps, then a fairly short walk back to the rooms, and then nighty-night. Not a fantastic, wonderful, start for a vacation but at least we’re not home plopped in front of the idiot-box.

Day 2, 03.24.2008
Lazy start - didn’t wake till 8:30am. Probably should’ve gotten up earlier cause SOMEBODY used up all the hot water. And it wasn’t Mollie. At least it’s a lot more sunnier today. Hoping for a good day…
The girls opted for a lazy start. I went walking up by the beach. I started to walk (went about 10 mins) and then saw so many interesting things that I had to go back to the room and get the camera. I’ll post lots of pics from this trip to flikr or someplace.
So some guy in a van shows up around noon to take us to the big boat. We’re on Navigator of the Seas for the next week. That’s a Royal Caribbean cruise ship. But I’m just gonna say “big boat” if that’s okay w/ you cause… it’s a big boat.
After we check in on the dock we walk up the gang-way and… struggle w/ what to do next. Ever do that? Sure you have. It’s that “I don’t care, where do you wanna go?” “I don’t care, wherever you wanna go is fine…” And it just goes back and forth from there. Real problem is that nobody knows what to do w/ themselves. A little advice. Next time that happens to you say something smart like; “Hey, I’ve always wanted to break dance in front of a bunch of strangers. Can we find a place and do that?”
We eventually get into the rooms and then eat. Then there’s a lot of walking. We’re walking all over this damn big boat. When I say big, I mean BIG. We walked pretty much all afternoon and still didn’t cover it all. Dinner was at 6:30pm. I was expecting fancy food. You know how everybody always says; “Man, the food is really great!” Well, IMHO, it wasn’t. Only thing maybe spectacular was that you didn’t have a bill at the end.
We all caught a show afterwards which was a little singing and dancing and then a comedian named Wing did standup. Can’t remember his first name. He was good. Not sure I liked the stall tactic where he went around the audience asking people where they’re from. Kept thinking he’d pull the stupid info into the act. He did a little but not a whole lot. I guess he wasn’t too impressed w/ the people that spoke up. Anyway, he was pretty funny so I’ll give him an okay.
The kids scrambled off for a dodge-ball tournament. Mostly boys I heard. But Allie and Lucy have pretty good arms so I’m sure they gave them a little competition. You get a good arm if you play fastpitch softball for 9 years or so. I’m sure they’ll give me more details about it later.
Mollie and I hit the slots in the casino. El casino, one of my least favorite places in the world I must say. I think a lot of it has to do w/ the noise. There’s all these diff slot machines making all this beep-bleep-bloop. It’s almost like an instant hangover headache for me. I really hate that noise. Mollie on the other hand, seems to be addicted to it like a mouse to a piper. Must play slot machine. She made about $30 last for about and hour. I was at the bar w/ a scotch when she gave up.
At the end of the evening, around 11pm, they have this Mardi-Gras type procession through the mall on deck 5. Like I said, big big boat. Fancy sea-creature costumes - some on stilts - lots of make-up. Sorta like a Disney thing almost.
After that I was off to bed and out like a light. Until maybe 3am or so. That’s when the back and forth pretty much started. Rough seas. 20-30 ft waves.

Day 3, 03.25.2008
Didn’t get much sleep last night. Still rough seas here about 8am. Walking down the hall to go get coffee I collided w/ the walls about a dozen times. We’re talking rough. I’m on these motion pills called Bonine. Sounds like something you’d give a cow don’t it? They seem to work okay though. I’m a bit groggy but for sure I’d be sick w/o them. There were chicken wing bones all over the place in that hallway. Couldn’t stay on the dirty dishes from all the teeter-totter I guess.
So, I was gonna work out but w/ all this leaning this way and that I think I will just forget it. Or maybe I’ll just go splash some water on my face and shirt and go back to the room. A good exercise disguise is deserved. I’m on vacation, right? Besides, I’m 5th on the waiting list for spinning today at 4pm. Maybe that’ll be a better time.
Mollie and I choked down some eggs and whatever at the feed troughs. It really reminds me of the disgusting Golden Coral. Lots of hungry heifers meandering away around the diff buffets - tons of food. Then you find a table/seat wherever you can and then one of you fetches drinks. Can you tell I’m definitely not into “serve-yourself”? I don’t consider myself a food snob but there’s a line there where you’re almost in the redneck zone when you’re always finding yourself in the buffet bonanza eateries.
Next stop was deck 12 w/ all the bathing beauties. Hard to find a couple of seats but we just managed. And there we sat for hours. Bored. Took 2 naps. After a while I grabbed the camera and went around just taking pictures of anything interesting. I stayed away from snapping actual people. I figure there’s time for that later. No, I just took shots of this and that around the boat. There’s lots of colorful decoration - statues - fancy chandeliers - cool bars. That killed about 20 minutes. Then I went back to the sun bathing boredom buffoonery. Bored.
About 3:30pm I got my cycle shorts on and headed to the “gym”. It’s not quite a gym but it’s something. They have maybe 8 elypticals, 12 treadmills, and a few other miscellaneous torture devices. So, I sorta had an appointment. Spinning was supposed to be 4-5pm. But…. I didn’t make the cut. Everyone that went straight from the gang-way entering the big boat yesterday and went directly to sign up for the stupid spinning class pretty much showed up. So me being on the waiting list just wasn’t good enough.
Allie and I decided to kill some time before dinner and we hit the hot tub in the Solarium, an adults only section on deck 12 behind the pool area. We killed an hour or so in the tub and the pool there. She looks old enough so nobody said anything.
While Allie and I did that Mollie, Lucy, and Hattie took in the ice show. It was “good, but nothing amazing” per Hattie. You know, I think my cynicism is rubbing off on the kids.
About then is when we all got yet another chance to visit the bonafide buffalo buffet. You know, I love making a hundred trips back and forth from the table to get soup, butter, salad, dinner, butter, dessert, silverware, more butter, drink, role, even more butter, napkin, toothpick, more butter… Okay, so I like butter. Know what I don’t like though? What I particularly do not care for is taking laps while I try to ingest my fooood. Trust me, I took enough laps in 7th grade gym class. I was a total middle-school screw-up. As you may have already guessed if you’ve read this entire schticker up to this point.
After “dinner” we set the girls loose on the internet café and Mollie and I found a bar near the beautiful people for a drink. The beautiful people were all these very well dressed people (tuxes, dresses, black, etc.) Yes, it was formal night in the dining room. Made eating at the bustin’ buffet even that more memorable. One bright spot however was that I found an EXCELLENT bartender. She’s currently my heroin. Or I should say my “Mohito Mary”!!! Let me tell you buddy, the women knows how to put her shoulder into making a good drink, the Mohito. Yum! And POW! What a kick! Lovely, lovely Mary.
Obvious next step was back to the room where we caught up w/ the girls once again. Can’t seem to lose the little buggers. Heh heh! So… Mollie braided Lucy’s hair and Hattie lubed up cause… oooooh the buuuurrrn! You know, one of these days, just maybe, my kids will actually listen to me when I tell them to put some sun-screen on.

Day 4, 03.26.2008
We’re docked at Cozumel, Mexico, when we wake up. Agenda for today is breakfast, swimming w/ the dolphins, maybe a little shopping, then back on the big boat for some more big boat type fun.
Big decision was whether to drag poor Lucy or not. She wasn’t feeling well. In the end Mollie talked her into it w/ the stipulation that they would leave immediately after to come back to the ship.
So, we all went up for another visit to the rumblin, bumbling, stumblin buffet. And then we set out for Cozumel. The gangway was on deck 1 so we just walked off and waited for a tour guide to herd us into taxis to take us to a place called Chankanaab. It’s basically a resort village of some kind. They have 22 dolphins and they’re in these pins along the shore. The whole place seemed fairly new and well-kept. There were restaurants, shops, and all sorts of buildings - very modern. I have to admit I was impressed. I was expecting some worn out place w/ an old guy w/ a cigar and a raised pool in his back yard w/ some drug-dazed dolphin. His instructions would be; “Si amigos - just jump in, eh?” Anyway, it was nothing like that - very professional.
We haggled a bit for prices for the pictures. And then Mollie and Lucy headed back to the ship. Allie, Lucy, and I walked around a bit and found a restaurant w/ a nice view so we sat and ate chicken tacos and enchiladas. They were okay - nothing spectacular. Then we walked around some more. There was a walking trail through manicured grounds - I guess it was Chankanaab park. Anyway, I couldn’t talk the girls into snorkeling so we just headed back to Puerta Maya which is the shopping area right at the docks.
We shopped for an hour or so and Allie bought a few things for her friends. Lots of locals asking you to come visit their shop because “…their prices were better here…”. Seemed like all the shops had the same stuff really. So, back to the big boat.
I got my suit on and went up to deck 11 and got in a good steam and sauna. Man that felt good. Then I hung out in one of the big hot tubs in the Solarium and sipped a few beers.. Not a lot of people on the ship. They were all back on Cozumel having fun I guess. Eventually I caught up w/ Mollie and the kids maybe around 4pm. Mollie and I tried to book snuba for our stop tomorrow in Belize. Snuba is sorta a snorkeling/scuba cross. No luck. So we decided to just wing it.
Next we went up to deck 11 and 12 to just walk around - halfway looking for the kids. We actually found them in a 12th deck bar playing cards.
Dinner in the dining hall was next. Our usual waiter, Dane, was there as usual w/ his slightly enthusiastic manner. I really don’t think the guy actually liked his job all that much. All week he acted like we were basically a pain to him. During the meal their had this waiter-parade and all this clapping. I took advantage and clapped really hard. Hey, I know how to have a good time and burn a few calories to boot, eh?
After dinner we set off w/ the kids to a Jay Johnston show. This is the guy that was on that Soap show years ago. You might not remember the show - nothing really special. Anyway, Jay does a comedian’s show w/ a couple ventriliquist dummies. He actually had one dummy that was a white-board. Neat trick.
We split w/ the girls after that. Allie went to the teens area and played a “Battle of the Sexes” game. Boys against girls w/ each group creating questions and activities to try and best the other. Lucy and Hattie crashed early, or so we were told. Mollie and I tried out the casino again. I blew $20 on the roulette table in 4 bets. Rediculous. Mollie blew 20 or so on video poker but at least she stretched it out for a half hour or so.
Then Mollie and I caught the newlyweds show. They get 3 couples from the audience and then do like the regular show w/ questions. They had one old couple, married 56 years, one newlywed couple, and one couple married 11 years. The old couple was by far the most entertaining. For example, the old lady’s reply to a sex question: “My husband takes his Viagra w/ prune juice. He doesn’t know whether he’s coming or going.” ha ha
Next thing to do was to check out the 11:30pm “special buffet” by the pool. I should’ve taken my camera cause it was really nicely decorated. Lots of ice sculptures, fruit sculptures, and fancy desserts. So, we grabbed some sugary delights and then off to bed.
All during the night the big boat was really rocking. Tough to sleep.

Day 5, 03.27.2008
Oh, my aching head. Ouchie-mama!
Today’s forecast is showers. And a big headache.
We sorta slept in - didn’t get up till 9:20am. I had some kinda headache. We scarfed breakfast down about 10am w/ the girls. Mollie gave me some of this Head-On medicine. It’s basically like a glue stick you rub on your forehead. Didn’t help one iota.
Then we got some tender passes to go to shore to Belize. Nice little 20-minute boat ride. When we got off the boat there were all these people shoving posters in our face to take their tour. I wasn’t too fired up about it. I figured we could kill a few hours shopping and having lunch and then just head back to the big boat. Plus we had a late start so I was really worried about whether we had enough time for a tour.
Mollie started talking to this one guy. Lucy and I weren’t impressed. Mollie and Allie seemed okay w/ it. Hattie didn’t seem to care. Anyway, the guy went on and on and finally I told him to show me the boat. That’s when we saw this boat carrying a bunch of people taking off. Our guy started yelling at them to come back but I’m already like; “dude, that ship has sailed, eh?” The guy said we could go on another boat but I’m like; NO! I really hate pushy salesman. So we shopped and ate lunch.
On the tender back there was this strange guy w/ a bad toupee that liked talking to strangers. We were his pick for the moment. He threw some interesting facts at us like; “…the big boat has 3630 passengers and ~1200 crew.” Another fact; “I have two daughters myself.” And yet another; “I like it when my pants are wet.” Okay, I made that last one up. I asked the guy; “How much you give me for de women, eh?” He didn’t seem to think my question was funny.
Mollie and I then took off for the pool. We started on deck 12 - still very cloudy so no sun but there was a nice breeze. It started sprinkling and we opted for deck 11 which is still outside but is covered. No breeze though. After a few minutes of that we noticed the rain held up. So we went back up to 12. Yeah, I felt pretty stupid w/ all the up/down/up. Then it started to rain again so we gave up and went to get ready for dinner.
At dinner, Dane, our waiter, showed us a trick w/ toothpicks and a drop of water. They slowly form the shape of a star. He also begged a song out of Lucy. She sang a verse of “Let it be”. Dane promised to return the favor at dinner tomorrow night.
Then we decided to get a formal portrait done. They do them right outside the dining hall so it was fairly convenient.
Next we got a little ship-shopping done. There was a $15 table that seemed popular. I just sorta sat there w/ my drinky-winky while Mollie shopped. I like watching all the people and imagining a life story for them. It’s sorta what I do, eh?
At 9pm we caught THE Broadway show of the cruise. Lots of singing and dancing. Not bad. Something you’d expect to actually see on Broadway I suppose. Best bit IMHO was the Proud Mary Tina Turner tribute.
Then at 10:30pm we caught this Quest show. It’s where all the people in the audience participate in sorta a scavenger hunt game. They split the audience in a dozen or so groups, then get 4 or 5 leaders down on the main floor. Each of the leaders have a card w/ the team number on it. The facilitator says something like; “I need to see a team number and… a man in his underpants w/ a ladies bra on his head w/ lipstick heavily painted on his face.” So each team races to fulfill and the teams fulfilling first get the most points. It’s pretty funny. Lots of underwear flying around. At the end they had guys in drag walking a catwalk to impress judges to break the tie.
We decided to catch the late late show which was at 12am. It was John Wing, the comedian again. He called it his “dirty show”. It was definitely more dirty than his previous show. Better too.
Mollie and I had a nightcap of cookies and then crashed.
Man, what a full day, eh?

Day 6, 03.28.2008
Last day. Everyone’s sleeping in. We told the girls they were on their own for breakfast. They slept till noon anyway. Sleeping in for me and Mollie meant 8:30am ish. We sat at a table w/ a couple about our age and a mother-daughter couple. When we sat down the dude had his sunglasses in my bread dish. Lemme tell ya, this was one ugly dude too! Very greasy hair. I didn’t want anything from that plate.
Mollie and I got to deck 12 to lay out around 10:30am. It was packed - hardly any free chairs. Somehow we scrambled a couple and hung out till about 4pm. Yeah, lots of sun and napping. Woo! Woo! Big day!
We saw the girls getting ice cream down below and waved at them a long time before they saw us. They came by for a quick below but that was it. They said they checked out the steam room and the sauna (per my recommendation) but they didn’t seem impressed. Oh well, I guess your bones have to be old and creaky before you appreciate a good steam/sauna.
Dinner was at 6pm as usual. The food wasn’t awesome - just okay. Dane sang some Christian song I never heard of. I made a joke and told him we were Muslim. Okay, so not a good joke. I think he was fine when he got the big tip.
Then we were off to see the sunset. Really cool on the water. Some idiot man was there and made a very emphatic statement; “It’ll all be over in 8 minutes!!!” I gave him my best “oh really?” face and nod. I guess the guy hasn’t seen the sun before.
After that it was pack, pack, pack. Then the Firebaugh family was wiped out. I couldn’t talk ‘em into a nightcap or shuffle-board or anything.
Didn’t write much today cause there just wasn’t much to say. Plus, I’ve somehow managed to put an exclamation point on this vacation and have gotten a cold. Lovely. So I don’t feel like writing much.

Day 7, 03.29.2008
We got an early start on the day getting to breakfast at about 8am. The girls were a bit grumpy - don’t like getting up so early.
Then we hung out in the Metropolis, main theatre, till they called us to disembark. It’s a really wonderful process of being herded through a very very long line and eventually out to a big room where your luggage is. Then you get shoved in a parking area w/ buses and taxi’s and have to figure out which is yours. We were last to get on a bus and there was us and this one couple. The bus driver said there were only 5 seats left. I said fine, I give up, give it to the couple. I’d be happy to miss our flight and stay another day or two on this grand vacation. The bus driver surprised me and picked us to board so we got on. As we were about to pull out a few people discovered they were on the wrong bus. Delayed…. Now the bus driver had to fish their luggage out of a very packed bus. Sheez!
So, we finally got on our way to the airport. The bus driver made everyone laugh w/ a few jokes about his bad back and women’s luggage. On the flight to Atlanta I was completely out of it. My cold was hitting me hard. Then we ate at Chili’s in the terminal and then had a nice 2.5 hour layover.
The flight from Atlanta to Richmond was pretty much miserable. This little girl sitting next to us cried pretty much for a solid hour. Lots of people were none too happy about it.
We had a nice surprise when we got home. Penny, lady watching our house, had set a nice floral out and had made us a nice casserole. Very nice!
Still wiped out by my cold - went to bed early.
Sorry - not very entertaining past couple days - no good when I’m sick.

reeeeeorg... reeeeeorg… reeeeeorg...

2008-03-21T08:08:00.002-04:00

We just had a reorg here at work. Again. It's not unusual to have one every six months or so but it's more typical to have one at least once a year. A "reorg" is basically when management shuffles the personnel forming new teams here, getting rid of teams there, renaming teams, etc. Anyway, the below is an Email I sent to my team just to try and relieve a little tension. It can be a stressful change.

You know…

If you say; "reeeeeorg... reeeeeorg… reeeeeorg..." you sortof sound like an ambulance in France.
You gotta say it fairly loud and w/ some enthusiasm. And you gotta bob your head back to front when you do it.
But yeah, it fits pretty well…
So, you could look at our latest reorg w/ an exciting Jason Bourne kinda scenario twist. kinda
You have to use your imagination.
Do it in the car on your way home from work. Nobody will notice - you're safe!
It's a good stress reliever. You'll thank me.
Okay, I'll fess up. I did it a bunch of times at home last night. My wife and kids think I'm crazy. Even after I explained where I was coming from. Can you imagine? They still thought I was crazy even after I explained!
BTW, if you hold your tongue just right and breath in a lot when you do it you sound like a donkey. My kids actually liked it better than the ambulance.

This just in – “Men, Women Differ in Eating Habits”

2008-03-20T15:56:00.006-04:00

Pasted from WSJ, March 20, 2008
[no author listed] [duh - wouldn't want my name associated w/ it either...]

A new study of eating habits of adults confirmed conventional wisdom that most men eat more meat than women, and women eat more fruits and vegetables. But there were a few exceptions: Men were much more likely to eat asparagus, brussels sprouts, peas and peanuts.
That said, they also were bigger consumers of frozen pizzas, frozen hamburgers and frozen Mexican dinners. The study – called the most extensive of its kind – was a telephone survey of 14,000 Americans. Among the findings: Women are more likely than men to eat eggs, yogurt, and fresh hamburgers. Men also showed a little more of an appetite for runny eggs and undercooked hamburgers – two foods that health experts say carry a higher chance of contamination that can make you sick. Women were more likely than men to eat only one risky food: raw alfalfa sprouts, which in the past 15 years have been linked to outbreaks of food poisoning.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay, so I’m drawing a line there to show you the end of the article. Now I’m gonna have my say. And sorry, but I have to repeat a lot, if not all, of the above just so’s I can pick it apart. You just sit there and listen.

“…men eat more meat than women…” Holy shit!!! You need a study to prove that? Please don’t tell me my tax dollars paid for this STUPID study. YES! DUH! Men eat more meat than women. Ask any man or any woman to confirm. Honestly!

“…women eat more fruits and vegetables…” Again I say; Holy shit!!! Of course they do!!! I mean, every time we go out to eat I order some big ole steak or whatever and my wife’s like; “oh lemme see, ummm, I think I’ll have a nice tossed saaaalaaaad, yes, very nice - dressing on the side please, and no croutons – too many naughty carbs – oh my! – can’t have those carbs…” So yeah, women eat salads!!! Aka v e g e t a b l e s !!! Can you tell I’m shouting here? And yes, fruits. Women eat more fruit. Know why men don’t eat more fruit? Cause there’s NO MEAT in it!!! Sheez! What’s wrong w/ you people!!!

Okay, lemme catch my breath. Next point. Exceptions. “…men… asparagus, brussels sprouts, peas and peanuts.” Um, they’re saying men eat more of these particular vegetables than women. Okay, this one maybe I can buy. Sorta. Maybe these particular vegetables have a strong twang to them? All except peanuts that is. And maybe Men prefer a strong twang to their vegetables I guess. Hey, it’s a man thing. I can go w/ that. But wait a minute. Peanuts? I mean, I guess they’re technically a vegetable but ask any guy and he’ll say that’s bar food. So naturally, yeah, men are gonna eat more peanuts than women cause most men are drunk at the bar while all the women are out together at some bullshit restaurant eating… SALADS!!!

Next point. “[men] …were bigger consumers of frozen pizzas, frozen hamburgers and frozen Mexican dinners.” Okay, c’mon kids… what’s the key word here? FROZEN!!! Hello! Everybody knows men, in general mind you, don’t cook. I didn’t say “can’t” cook, I said “don’t”. Something about wearing aprons and “being barefoot in the kitchen” just doesn’t work for a guy. Not… manly. So YES!!! Mean eat a LOT of frozen food. Something preferably w/ MEAT in it. So they eat more frozen food than women. WOW!!! Huge discovery!!! Gimme a break!!!

Then they said women eat more eggs and yogurt. Yeah, guys don’t eat yogurt. That’s girly food. Please!! You ever see a real man eat one of those little bitty cups of yogurt? Never in my LIFE have I had one of those. One, you look like an idiot – big guy, little bitty cup of slop. Two, there is NO MEAT in it. HELLO!!! And then they say men prefer their eggs runny or some bullshit like that. Okay, I guess that’s somewhat understandable. Men are impatient in general (that's why all the frozen food...) and can’t wait for their eggs to cook fully. Okay, I’ll go along w/ that. Makes sense. Sorta

Hamburgers. Women prefer fresh, men prefer undercooked. Well now we’re getting somewhere. At least we’re talking about MEAT! But wait… hmm… lemme see. A woman wants a hamburger she goes and buys the meat, pats out a patty, fries it up, and maybe crumbles it over her nice… saaaalaaaad. Yeah, I can see that. Dressing on the siiiiide. Okay, I’ll go along w/ the idea women prefer fresh hamburgers. But hey, don’t knock the guys here. Lemme explain why we MUST eat undercooked. When a guy buys hamburger he buys frozen patties. Remember “frozen” from above? Guys buy frozen stuff. So, typical guy slaps the frozen patty on the grill (guys grill – you should know this) and then waits at least… 30 seconds I’d say. As soon as a guy smells that burning beef he scoops it off the grill, into a ready bun, and directly into his mouth. Know why? Cause it’s MEAT!!!! And GUYS LIKE MEAT!!! Are we clear on that yet?

I’m sorry. I am tapped out. I cannot write anymore about this bullshit study. What a bunch of horse-hockey!!! What did they tell us we didn’t already know? ZIP-ZERO-NADA!!!

PS. I would like to apologize to all my Hindu friends who may be offended by this blurb. I know most of you are offended by my “meat eating hobby” and by all the other meat eating guys in this country. I try to be sensitive to that when we eat together. Seriously. But you gotta know I eat meat. And pretty much every American guy I know eats meat. And brother… we eat a LOT of it. Pass the ketchup.

Pool night - 03-20-08

2008-03-20T12:19:00.000-04:00

We didn't win last night. We didn't lose either. We tied 50-50. TIED!!!
Can you believe that? A tie. It just makes me feel a little... cheated. I mean, you have to understand the team we were up against. Last team in league standings. Four SL2's on the team. (sheez!) And they look like that family from Texas Chainsaw Masacre (trailer-trash w/ a VERY bad case of the uglies). We shoulda kicked their friggin ass! I sure didn't help - I played like bat guano.
Okay, so let me try and pull my face out of the mud/guano and put on a smile and tell you how it went down last night.
First up, fresh and ready to play was Shunying (SL3). She got to play Robert Jr. (SL3-SL2 match) He seemed a little emphatic (okay - craaazy!) on the "Robert" bit but his Dad, also on the team, kept calling him "Bobby". I don't think Robert liked that too much. My guess is that he's got a good ulcer started on it. And I don't think Robert liked it when Dad was calling time-outs on him every five seconds either. More ulcer issues. Mostly I think Shunying was just afraid of these people. Don't worry Shunying, I don't think they're too much into Chinese food. I think they mostly stick to the basics like possum, chitterlings, and the ever popular earthworm tartar. Anyway, Bobby and his Ma (also on the team) (scary looking old "lady") were rushing to get out of there. Apparently his sister/cousin/wife was having a baby. Note: "sister/cousin/wife" is not either-or. Get it? Anyway, rushing around the table seemed to help Bobby, sorry... Robert, and he won even though Shunying got more points (18-19).
Nows a good time to mention the preferred fashion of our Rack-A-Licious family. That's their team name BTW, Rack-A-Licious. I think one of them actually chewed on one of the wooden ball-racks at one point and that's where they got their name. Seriously. Anyway, Mom, Dad, and son, all seemed to be into the camo look. Robert Jr had a camo cell-phone wallet. Huh? Okay, so maybe I can see that. Deer sees your cell phone and they immediately want to run away cause they think you might call them in the woods and there's that whole roaming charge deal… So better to camo the phone. Yep. But then Mom had a sort of camo purse. It had a leather strip on it but the rest was camo. I really don't get that one at all. I mean, do you carry a purse w/ you when you hunt? And Dad had the typical camo cap thing going w/ a camo #3 Dale tribute on it. This one I can go along w/ though. Anything to try and blend that mans head/face in w/ the surroundings instead of actually looking at him (gag) is a good idea. We're talking uuugly here folks!
Wow - really rambling today… sorry
Vince was next. Yay! Vince was matched up w/ a nice ole guy named Bryant. (SL2-SL2 match) Bryant was very friendly - liked him right off cause he and John (his teammate - will get to John later) were like Click-n-Clack from the Car-Talk show. Good introductions/conversations. They definitely didn't belong to the trailer-trash redneck Bobby's family and were just on the team for the ride. Poor fellas. Anyway, Vince had a little trouble w/ Bryant and lost but only by 5 balls (19-14). Also, I should've mentioned that Bryant is from Ottawa, as in Ottawa Canada. Hey, if you're from Ottawa and now you live in Richmond you can't be all bad, right? I mean, you GOTTA have a good sense of humor right? I mean, you freeze your ass off your whole life, decide to go to live in Florida, but your car breaks down in Richmond, so you say; "close enough! we're home!". Gotta laugh at that right?
Aaaaaand, next up was Thomas who had the glorious pleasure of playing Bobby Sr. (SL5-SL5 match) Bobby Sr. is a character. The obvious leader of the Rack-A-Licious mob. Oh my god I could write a book on this guy! He's a sortof smallish man, maybe in his late 50s. He looked like he hadn't had his weekly (or monthly maybe) shave/bath. And I was happy that he kept his camo cap on because I definitely imagined all sorts of little creatures/bugs jumping off his head if he tried to remove it. Yeah, it was that bad. And even though he was sorta small he wore this t-shirt w/ holes in it here and there and was skin tight around his torso but baggy around his scrawny shoulders/arms. He also had very thick glasses. And like his wife, very few teeth. My guess is that he and his wife knocked each other's teeth out fighting. And of course he had the big ring of keys off his belt loop and work boots and jeans to complete the redneck-from-Deliverance look. Thomas was slightly amused and took the man to school, smoking him 38-27. I respect Thomas's play. Hard to shoot well when you're laughing that hard.
Stephanie was next and was matched up w/ John, Bryant's buddy. (SL3-SL3 match) John was a nice guy. A little pudgy but I can't talk there. (ahem) However, he did have one issue that I'll mention. The man was a sweater, as in he sweat. A lot! It didn't seem all that hot to me but the man's face was just costantly soaked w/ sweat. Ewww! I mean, when they broke out this little fan at the start of the matches I thought that was a little odd. Turns out the fan actually served a dual-purpose. It helped address John's sweat-gland issue but it also helped his buddy Bryant who has asthma and really didn't like smoke. Also, big John had to use a sweat-towel to wipe his face every couple minutes. Gross. I'm sure Stephanie just loved shaking his slimey hand afterwards. But I really feel guilty picking on the man, seriously, cause he was a pretty nice guy. Stephanie edged out a win 25-23 btw. I didn't get to see much cause I was busy w/ my own match.
I was last. Again. And I sucked big time. No exaggeration. Don't know how I won but I did. I played Tom (SL6). (SL7-SL6 match) Tom looked to be about 102 pounds - looked like a strung-out junky really. His pants kept falling down and he constantly had to keep pulling them up. Poor guy - tough finding waist size 19 I guess. From his appearance I could only assume he was also "in the family" w/ Bobby Jr, Bobby Sr, and camo-purse carrying Ma. Maybe he was a cousin or something though cause he had a diff last name. Anyway, I played just horribly - missing LOTS of easy shots. Not sure what my friggin problem was. I edged out a win by 4 or 5 balls somehow. I was in a very pissy mood. MAN!!! I'm still steaming. Mad at myself. Idiot! Not sure if I'm more mad at myself for not being able to snap out of it or for the piss-poor shot making. I definitely need a vacation. And... I will actually be on a cruise to Mexico next week, seriously, so maybe that'll give me the needed tude-adjustment.
Our server last night was Bonnie. Bonnie seems to be the ever-frazzled type. I believe she has a short-term memory issue which must be hard to cope w/ being a waitress and all. Somehow she seems to manage to keep the order straight though. She did well to keep up w/ Vince and me. Lots of drinking. Oh, and Bonnie's hair really freaked me out. I'm positive she uses the "finger-in-electrical-outlet" approach to hair-styling as opposed to a comb or brush. But she's fairly nice so I won't pick on her anymore.
Next week we're at Stool Pigeons downtown. 8' Red tables. Wee!
Note that Thomas will be captain. Vince and I are out of town.
Also, next two weeks Gordon needs a potential backup. He's about to be a Granddaddy. Will he prefer Paw-Paw, Pappy, Grandad, Grandaddy, Papa, or… The Fretzinator (my recommendation)??? He'll have to share next time we see him. Anyway, for backup next week at Stool Pigeons I'm designating Stephanie. Seeing how Vince and I are out of town and she's the only one not scheduled to play that makes her a good backup, eh? Week after next I'm designating Thomas as backup. Gordon can send out an Email of call someone (phone numbers are listed on the schedule) to let us know the status.
PS. Lady on toilet for 2 yrs: http://www.freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080312/NEWS07/80312051
Now THAT’S a bad case of the runs.

New Pool Cue

2008-03-15T10:05:00.015-04:00

I bought a new cue last week. Thought I'd show it off.

Flames go w/ my name as well as the team name: Fireballs

Here's another shot

And here's my "guyrage" where I practice w/ my good buddy Dave and other good buddies like Vince.

Pool night - 03-12-08

2008-03-13T10:20:00.001-04:00

Hey,
Time again for your weekly pool update. Yes yes, you must go through the ordeal of reading another blurb by this crazy dude who thinks he can write. I should've said "very crazy dude". In fact, somebody please help me - get me a medic - call 911 - send the guys w/ the white coats...

Or… not. As in, you don't have to read this. You're call. What the freak do I care? I just write this stuff cause I like to do it. Honestly. Like I said, very crazy!

Oh come on!!! Like you can't waste 5 minutes to read this shit?!? It took me at least 15 min to WRITE it, the least you can do is READ it.

um sorry not sure where my head is this morning somewhat grumpy need more coffee

We sorta pounded 'em last night, as in we won big, 70-30. Our opponent team was "Slow Strokin'". They didn't seem too slow though. I might suggest a better team name, "Fireball's Strokin Bitches" or maybe "We Like to Get Our Butts Kicked Strokin". Something more explanatory, more descriptive.
So let's get right into it shall we?
Dave was first and was matched up w/ a SL 5 named Sean. (SL4-SL5 match) Sean was a young guy, in his 20s I'd say, earrings in both ears, fairly thin, and had tough workin mans hands. I know cause I gave him a shake at the start. He also had on a white T-shirt w/ a big yellowish stain on the front - looked like glue or something or maybe antique white paint - not sure. And when I say "big stain" I mean most of the entire front of his shirt. Uh, yeah, nice. Obviously Sean was sporting his "I don't give a shit" look. Dave, being the professional he is, actually didn't, as in he didn't give a shit. Dave beat up on him pretty good winning 31-26. And sure, so a few lucky balls rolled in for Dave. Hey, that's the way we do it, eh Joe?
Next was Gordon who was absolutely on fire. (SL3-SL3 match) He smoked his opponent Jeff so bad and so quickly that small drifts of smoke came up from each pocket at the end of the match. I'm tellin ya! The man was definitely on his game. Maybe he just doesn't like tattoo's and that triggered some rage. That true Gordon? See, Jeff had this tattoo on his right calf. It was a winking smiley face (I kid you not) about the size of a fist. First thought I had was that the poor guy lost a bet somehow and… whatever. Anyway, Jeff had one or two good cut shots but please… nobody was going to handle Mr. Fretz last night. He pummelled poor Jeff 25-12.
Thomas was next, back from his travels out west to the great state of Colorado. He had a bit of a neck problem last night though - seriously - it was sorta sore - probably twisted it looking at all the pretty girls in Denver. Damn physical distractions. I'm talking about his neck, not the girls. Anyway, Thomas had the unfortunate luck of being matched up w/ Heath, SL4. (SL5-SL4 match) Heath seems to be the star of our "strokin" opponents team. He was pretty good - shot a LOT of good safeties - made a lot of tough shots. Thomas came out on top with points (32-31) but the handicap was just a bit out of reach on this one and he lost. Still, a very close match.
Our next throw was Stephanie. Stephanie!!! She's back! As you know from my previous writings Stephanie's been away to the west coast, or I should just say "the coast". Let's all say it, all together now… "we're going to the coast". Man, I like the sound of that. Next time Stephanie's taking me w/ her - whether she wants to or not! (ahem) Anyway, Stephanie said she had a great time and I will quote her here; "vacations are a good thing". Hmmm, anybody want to argue w/ that? No? Can't says I would either. Very profound. So, back to the pool. Steph's opponent was Andrea, SL2. (SL3-SL2 match) Andrea had a pretty girlish face, blond, but had a rather large caboose. Boom-babba-boom-babba-boom. That's Andrea walking. (ahem) Anyway, I didn't get to see much of the action cause I was busy w/ my match so I asked Steph for details after. Her response, and I'm quoting her again: "I squashed her!". Oh, ho, hooo!!! And she said it w/ such emphasis too! I knew it felt good. Nice! 25-11 was the final.
I was last and played Calvin, the Strokin' team captain, SL4. (SL7-SL4 match) Let me just say, Calvin is a huge man. No, take that picture out of your head. Now replace that picture w/ a picture where you DOUBLE the size of the last guy you pictured. We're talking HUGE here folks. I mean, when Calvin walks past you you feel the floor dip a little towards his way. Honestly. Anyway, early on I had to get the itching powder out of my shorts - had scratchitis. I had to hand the cue-ball to Calvin way too many times. One time, I thought he looked… hungry. Very scary. Seriously. I thought he was going to take a bite out of the cue ball. Anyway, it's tough to play against such a big diff in handicap and I really debated whether or not to play but I pulled it out somehow, winning 55-24.
Our server last night was the ever lovely Laura. She is such a pleasure. I think I threw her off last night though. I usually order beer but last night I was in the mood for a healthy drink so I ordered a screwdriver. Hey, it has OJ in it! That's healthy! The vodka evaporates and all that's really left is vodka flavor. It's really something you give a child! Okay, that last bit was a stretch. Anyway, Laura brings me a Coors Light. Huh? God bless her. Her rep is so good - she has so much respect - I really didn't care. She laughed it off and brought me my delicious OJ spiked concoction. And I tipped her a very large tip as usual.
BTW, the Strokin team is Laura's team. Too bad we didn't get to play her - maybe next time.
Next week we play "Rack-A-Licious". Sounds yummy. We'll need the following to play:
Thomas
Vince
Stephanie
Shunying
Jay
IMPORTANT NOTICE: They're extending our spring session another week. I'll update the schedule later. Not sure this is such a big deal. We sorta have Wednesday night's drilled into our heads now. As in, I can always tell my wife; "Oh, but honey… I know you had planned on having me scrub the callous off the bottom of your feet tonight but tonight's pool night. Remember?"

Heartsick by Chelsea Cain

2008-03-11T15:27:00.003-04:00

Finished a fairly good book last night titled Heartsick. It was one of the recent books I bought in a batch of bestsellers - thought I couldn't go wrong - and I didn't. I really liked it. Somehow a lot of books I read are detective stories and all seem to be chasing a serial killer. Same idea behind this book really. However, I found myself very entertained because the author goes into lots of details about weird relationships between people while still carrying on with the "chase the serial killer" plot. For example, she spends a lot of time on the relationship between a cop and a previously captured serial killer lady. This lady had a good ole time torturing the cop, physically, years prior, when she lured him into a trap capturing/torturing him for days. Then there's the relationship between the same cop and a writer/reporter who was doing a multi-part story on him. It was just a good book - good story - well written - easy read - good creativity. I think my next book will be another fiction. I was going to read a business book but I'm gonna go on vacation in a couple weeks and I don't want to be on the cruise ship feeling like I'm still "connected" to work.

Email to co-workers about readin

2008-03-06T13:51:00.001-05:00

Background: We had a team meeting the other day and one conversation topic was what we read. The below was an Email from me to just sorta tack-on.

First, I'll be the first and throw out a blog that I like: http://fakesteve.blogspot.com/

Second, there's a great WSJ article by David Wessel (my fav WSJ writer btw) in today's rag about the credit fallout. He gives a simple explanation about "leverage" and why our economy can take a 2% loss/decline in the stock market like we would take a swallow of a very sour whiskey sour. Once you swallow you realize it's too late and you regret the experience BUT it's no big deal. Sorry - I get longwinded - a lot. Anyway, a 2% loss/decline in the stock market is basically nothing to our economy. HOWEVER, a 2% loss/decline of the mortgage-market, well now, that is huge. Using the "ingestion analogy" like the whiskey sour, a loss in the mortgage-market is more like eating something from a Fear Factor show, maybe dog poo or something. And it's all because of leverage. Banks are highly leveraged.
I don't subscribe to WSJ online so I can't send you a link to the article. I like to read some things the old fashioned way. Hard copy on the table by my desk if you're interested.

Pool night - 03-05-08

2008-03-06T11:02:00.003-05:00

Hey,
Okay so I'm a bit late w/ this update. It's cause I had this major achievement to take care of here at work. Yes! I actually do have a job and don't just write pool articles all day!!! Anyway, I had to get this big chore taken care of at work this morning. Been working on it for a couple weeks actually - finally got it done. Whew! My guess is that they'll probably just pin a medal on me. -sigh- I'm such a good boy! That or maybe they'll just gently nudge me down the stairwell! I'm up 4 flights btw. There's a rash of stairwell "incidents" here lately. I work in a very competitive workplace. What can I say?
Also, let me clarify that "btw" means "by the way". So stop asking me about that! Seriously! Don’t you people read blogs all day instead of working? I mean, why do you think they give you a computer?
Anyway, let's talk about pool last night, shall we?
We got to play on the leeetle tables last night! So fun! Normally we're on the regular 9' tables (4'x9') as you probably know. But last night we got the 7' tables (3.5'x7'). True fact: All pool tables are exactly half as wide as they are long. EXACTLY! Unless they're from one of those discount warehouse sales places where you save a lot of money but the quality is just a teency bit off. (ahem) Anyway, I love the little tables - it’s like playing w/ a toy compared to what we usually have.
So, David, aka Joe Banks, was first and played Gloria (SL4-SL4 match). David came out blazing (no - he didn't have gas). He made fairly quick work of Gloria. I think he was just hungry, physically. He wanted to get the match over w/ in a hurry so he could disappear next door to BW3 to inhale a doz wings. Gloria was the captain of our happy opponent crew BTW.
I should also mention that the team we played last night was the "house team", as in the people on the team were The Playing Field (TPF) employees. Gloria is married to Scott who is also on the team and is a TPF manager. The team also has Larry, Martin, and Anne who are also TPF managers. The place has a lot of managers, what can I say?
Back to the pool, eh? Shunying was next and played Anne (SL2-SL2 match). It was a great match and came down to the wire w/ Shunying winning by 3 balls. She was very happy to put a W up on the board. I think Anne got a little frustrated w/ her coach, Scott, who was calling lots of time-outs on her when she least expected it. At least when I'm coaching Shunying I try not to call a time-out until I read her face and see that she's not sure about what to do. Anyway - great win Shunying!
Gordon was next and put up a decent fight against Martin (SL3-SL4 match). Martin came out extremely strong claiming the entire first rack all to himself. Gordon came back well in the second rack however and took 8 out of 10, w/ Martin sinking 1 dead ball. That's the norm for Gordon - always the fighter - a true seasoned veteran of this highly competitive pool league environment. (note: play theme song from your fav sport here) And, just like usual, at least here lately, Gordon took the match down to the wire. He lost by one measly ball. If he'd had some better coaching from me he may have even won. He missed his last shot which was a tough bank shot which needed top left english. It was… tough.
Hao played same time as Gordon and played Kari (SL4-SL3 match). Hao was very energetic - maybe a bit too energetic. Okay, so he was slamming the balls hard the entire match. There were actually a few hit so hard they jumped up from the table and hit the ceiling. Not really… but It's hard not to be tempted to slam the balls on these little tables cause it's so fun to see the pinball action. Problem is that when you do that you tend to scratch about 3 times more than usual. I think Hao understands this now and his loss to mega-ton Kari, a laaarge women w/ very girlish face (very peculiar really), will go down in the record books as a good lesson. He only lost by 4 balls btw.
I was last - seems like I'm always… last. I played Adam, an old pool league friend. (SL7-SL6 match) Adam and I have worked a couple tournaments together as APA officials. He's a good player but I was very happy to be on the toy-tables and very ready to win for a change. I was actually so pumped up that I ran the first table w/ a 9-Break-Run. I also ran another rack but only after Adam broke. Let's just say I ran away w/ it pretty well winning 55-18.
So our team won 58-42 last night. Good, eh? Bout time, eh? We'll win again next week, eh?
Our server last night was Cathy. She's the always-red-in-the-face girl w/ large... umm... w/ heavy... umm... she has huge… breasts. And she definitely knows how to hustle. Hustle=big tips from Jay + various verbal compliments which are even more valuable of course!
Thomas called me on my way home to check in - poor guy is addicted - can't be denied some sort of touch-point to his weekly pool outing. I fully understand the addiction btw, being myself utterly addicted. And Stephanie should be back next week as well. She's been out the past few weeks touring the west coast and working on her tan at various nude beaches. She said she has lots of pictures to share next week. Can't wait!
And Vince was out last night but will be able/willing next time. He was traveling around the state making sure we're all safe from the bad criminal dudes looking to get out on parole. No BS.

Cell phones in the bathroom

2008-03-05T11:43:00.003-05:00

I've been meaning to write this one for a week or so - just getting around to it – been really busy.

The other day I go to the restroom here at work. I know what you’re saying; “oh no, Jay’s gonna tell us about his BMs.” No, it’s not quite that bad so hold on and gimme a minute.
Anyway, there’s this housekeeping guy in there when I enter. You have to understand that our restrooms here at work are pretty big. There’s four sinks, a large wall mirror, and a shelf, maybe 5’ long, for whatever. There are 4 stalls and 4 urinals. So, lots of room for housekeeping guys to be standing around.
Anyway, I go in for a piss and there’s this housekeeping guy there just sorta standing there w/ his big trashcan. All the housekeeping crew walks around w/ these big round trashcans on casters w/ cleaning bottles and rags, etc, hanging off the edge of the can. It’s sorta like the homeless persons version of the grocery cart IMHO.
So, I go to take a piss and this guy gets a call on his cell phone. Okay, so NOW you know what I’m writing about. It’s about people who feel the need to use their cell phone in the bathroom.

First of all I don’t know how I should feel. Should I feel embarrassed because someone on the other end of the phone is listening to me use the restroom? Probably not right? Because they don’t know who I am and I shouldn’t really care right?

Should I feel angry for having my privacy invaded? Naw, I could give a shit. (ahem)

Should I be amused because this is kinda funny? I mean, here’s this person on the other end of the line and you KNOW they can hear you use the bathroom in the background. So that’s sorta funny because I’m like farting in their ear and they’re like; “what’s going on here?” Who is that farting? Is that the guy I’m talking to on the phone or is he really dumb enough to be talking to me when he’s in the restroom?

Seriously, I really don’t know how to feel about it. I guess it’s just sorta something I’ll have to figure out.

I think I will call a meeting w/ my coworkers in the restroom. We’ll teleconference w/ the ladies restroom to make it all-inclusive. Sound good?

Pool night - 02-28-08

2008-02-28T11:03:00.000-05:00

Hey,
We held our own last night. It was a pretty even match and we lost but just barely. The score was 54-46. Which isn't too bad yall, especially when you consider they threw 23 points at us and we only threw 18 points at them.
That's a 5 SL points difference. That's like 6 players vs 5!
Damn cheaters!!!
Where does that expression come from anyway; "held our own". Sounds sorta perverse don't it? Or is my mind just in the gutter this morning?
I'm a little late w/ this Email today. I been BUSY! My job's really got me hopping these last couple weeks. And life in general just seems to be kinda crazy-hectic as well. I think it's the pre-spring antsies that get people going this time of year. What's wrong w/ everyone?
Don't they pay attention to Punxatawny Phil? We're into 6 more weeks of winter here! Stop w/ the trying to getting me into the Spring-time hectic chicken-w/-head-off life. I mean it now! Back off!
So, where was I? Oh yeah, need to convey my observances of our weekly ritual last night.
First lucky player to take charge of the table last night was our beloved Vincent. Vince, I don't like throwing you first because you don't have enough time to get drunk which is when you play better.
Gotta reach that delicate buzz to balance ratio in order to achieve utter perfection. It's a life goal, eh? Ratio definition: Buzz from the booz and Balance meaning the ability to not fall over. I think you know what I mean. Man, I'm really chatty today. Anyway, Vince played this really dorky looking lady named Karensa. Was it me or was she cross-eyed? I dunno - couldn't look at her face too long - I was afraid of contagion I think - as in, I felt if I looked at that goofy face too long then mine would also form into that same goofy look and then
probably get stuck that way! Wait.... I know what you're thinking...
my face is already goofy. Ha ha! You are SO funny! Who's writing this shit anyways? So... Vince couldn't stop laughing at the craaaazy lady so he couldn't keep his cue straight and he lost.
Next was Gordon who played "Dammit Donnie". That's right, Donnie's legal pool name is "Dammit Donnie" and it's because he's known for missing clutch shots. Duh! Actually, Donnie's a nice guy and he doesn't deserve this weekly name-calling humiliation. But it's fun so I took a turn or two and he lauged, which is good cause I don't want my ass kicked, which he could easily do from the looks of him. He's actually a pretty good player (SL4).
Anyway, Gordon was not feeling charitable in the least last night - no mercy for the downtrodden unjustly-labled DD - sorry - Gordon Fretz is in the house and he don't care what your name is or what they call you. Gordon took care of business very well - keeping pressure on poor old DD the whole match.
So that was a big win.
Hao was next and I have to say, was the star of the night. He played Laura
(SL5) who is an excellent player/captain/coach. Laura's fundamentals are exemplary and she's always had a lot of respect from long-time leaguers.
That's why it was so great to see Hao rise to the occasion and play some really excellent pool. He was on fire folks.
Lots of good runs, lots of smart leaves, lots of good work getting out of all the safeties Laura left for him, just damn good pool. By my world-class score-keeping count, I had Laura at 10 safeties for the match. Hao had 7 himself. One game went five innings and they still had 8 balls on the table. We're talking about a tough, tenacious, battle here ladies and gentlemen. In the end, Hao put together several good runs and sprinted to the finish winning by a rack or so. He was awesome!
Next was Thomas who played Cory, a SL5-SL5 race. Cory was a lucky little shit for the first few racks - lots of lucky leaves and lots of lucky "momentum changers" as Vince says. Actually that's a term from David Soldato describing those lucky times when a ball decides to go in for no damn reason. Very frustrating for one player who thinks they'd have bad luck and very inspiring for another player who thinks luck is on their side.
Anyway, Thomas was doing 180 on the old blood pressure valve as he missed a couple easy shots. But he held on there and took it to the end, only losing by a couple points - very very close. Get 'em next time big guy.
And then there was poor Shunying. She got matched up w/ Billy Gholson, aka Billy the Brute. Actually, he's more like Billy the punk-ass kid who thinks he's a good pool player. Billy's a SL7. So yeah, this was kinda a lopsided match. Shunying thought she was playing a SL3 and figured out he wasn't somewhere around his 30th point. Oh yeah, sorry Shunying, I forgot to tell you the other team was taking the asshole approach on their last throw.
Fine - whatever. So Billy the Brute picked on poor old Shunying and beat her. Hao! How can you stand there and watch him do that to your wife?
Man! Heh heh
Our server last night was Tonya - not so impressive. She was gone for long spells and her hair was really wet at 7pm when she started serving us.
Actually I think it was still wet around 11pm when I left. Maybe she was getting it wet doing wet-T's for the cooks in the back - my best guess. Ya know, Tonya used to be a better waitress. I guess somebody actually explained how the pay really sucks for this job and that bummed her out maybe - never been the same since...
Next week we're back at TPF but... good news maybe... we get to play
on the 7' tables!!! Weeee!!!!
And I just might wee-wee myself from all the excitement!!!
Players scheduled are:
David
Vince
Hao
Shunying
Jay
Hey Stephanie! We miss you! Please come home! That smile of yours is the only reason some of us like to show up!
David, thanks for calling and offering your attendance last night. I'll admit that your smile is not one I've noticed. Aren't you that guy that always has the crusty mustard in the corners of your mouth? Yeah, that's you right? Somebody help me out here. Who's who?

Books I've read in 2007 and 2008 (as of today 02/23/2008)

2008-02-23T13:15:00.000-05:00

Death by Meeting by Patrick Lencioni
The Hamster Revolution by Mike Song, Vicki Halsey, and Tim Burress
Lean Thinking by James P. Womack and Daniel T. Jones
Hard Facts Dangerous Half-Truths and Total Nonsense by Jeffrey Pfeffer and Robert I. Sutton
Competing on Analytics: The New Science of Winning by Thomas H. Davenport and Jeanne G. Harris
The Black Swan: The Impact of the Highly Improbable by Nassim Nicholas Taleb
Blink by Malcolm Gladwell
Honeymoon by James Patterson
Redneck Words of Wisom by Jamie Muehlhausen
You Might be a Nedneck if... by Jeff Foxworthy
Broken Prey by John Sandford
Doctor Hudsons Secret Journal by Lloyd C. Douglas
Black Wind by Clive Cussler
Monday Mourning by Kathy Reichs
True Evil by Greg Iles
A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseni
Hide by Lisa Gardner
The Hunt Club by John Lescroart

Note: A friend of mine had a yard sale for charity and I donated several boxes of books, some of which I'd recently read. So this isn't a complete list. As far as newspapers go, I read the Wall Street Journal Monday-Friday. On Sat/Sun I read the Richmond Times Dispatch. I also catch a lot of news from the internet. Some of my usual news sites:
cnn.com
nightly.msnbc.com
slate.com
npr.org

I also read some magazines regularly:
Business Week
Gameinformer
Bon Apetite
Sometimes I read Forbes.

Book I'm currently reading (2/23/08): Heartsick by Chelsea Cain
Book I'll probably read after that: Fooled by Randomness by Taleb

Pool night - 02-21-08

2008-02-21T08:30:00.000-05:00

Hey,
Our losing streak continues - didn't do all that well last night - lost 63-37. Not sure what the problem is - kinda having the opposite session from last session. Must be something to do w/ planet alignment.

[pre-read note: please read "NOT!" w/ a Borat accent]

Shunying was first. She didn't want to go first but I threw her anyway. I promise you won't go first next week Shunying. Shunying's opponent was Cindy, also a SL3. Cindy was terrible and couldn't get anything to fall in, NOT! Shunying won easily, NOT!

Gordon was next and was matched w/ a SL2 named Arlene. Arlene was an older lady who had a frowny-face - one of those type faces that looks like it hasn't smiled since it was a kid. Gordon came out of the chute very strong, NOT! About the 3rd rack, Arlene came on strong w/ a huge comeback and evened out the score, NOT! - that was Gordon. Came down to the wire - another match down to the wire for Gordon! - he must love that tension! Arlene pulled it out in the end and barely edged out Gordon for the win, NOT! - Gordon won that way.

Next player was Thomas. It would've been Dave but he was too busy eating his slimy wings. And what was that about being shorted a wing? Apparently Dave was shorted a wing and the entire TPF kitchen was severely reprimanded by the management. Big mistake Dave - they'll be watching to see what you order next time and rumor is that they'll have some "extra" ingredients for you. (ahem) Anyway, back to Thomas. His opponent was Pam, SL4. Thomas was playing w/ an extremely cheerful attitude all through his match, NOT! On one easy shot that he missed he showed how to stay calm and remain patient for a return to the table, NOT! - he almost threw his cue across the room - and don't think I didn't see that moment Thomas! Heh heh In the end, Pam nudged out a win, NOT! - Thomas held on and smoked her.

David was next and got to play an old adversary, Dale. David, Gordon, and I have been playing members on this team for as long as we've been in the league - maybe 6 years? Anyway, Dale was definitely not "on" last night and missed a lot of shots, NOT! David was a bit distracted because he had this new glove - sorta homemade - cut the fingertips off some other glove. But he hung in there and really stomped Dale, NOT!

I was last and played my old adversary, Beth, a SL6. Beth has the quintesential sex-goddess body figure, N O T !!! I basically had a repeat performance from last week. First two racks I was smoking it - had something like an 17-3 lead. Then the bottom fell out and I sucked and Beth didn't. I was encouraged by Thomas who kept saying things like; "hey bitch! get your shit together!" And yes, he's talking to me, not Beth. So to summarize, I started strong - then sucked - but then I came back strong in the end, NOT! I never came back - I lost miserably.

Our waitress last night was Catherine. She was working hard - lots of customers - place had a lot of non-league customers last night for some reason. Or maybe it's just that I noticed it more because of where we were playing. Anyway, Catherine was a somewhat plump girl - haven't seen her much before. Her face was red from all the running around. She's very nice though - worthy of a good tip.

Pool night - 02-14-08

2008-02-14T08:30:00.000-05:00

Hey,
Last night was very strange.

David D was first and played this monster named David S. David S was this ginormous beast standing about 6'10" and my best guess at his weight is around 450. He was bald and had tattoo's all over his bald head, arms, and neck. His belt was this heavy duty chain and he wore these enormous biker boots. Guy was extremely scary. David D kinda just shivered in fear every time he got to the table to make a shot. He missed the cue ball many times just because he was looking at David S who was glaring at him, growling, when he was at the table. So, David D lost.

Vince was next since he had to get home early. Actually, I think he was just scared to be there last night. His opponent was this massive creature named Roger. Roger was even bigger than David S. I'd say he was maybe 7'2" and closer to 500lbs. The ground shook as Roger walked around. Roger's cue was a tree trunk - not a big tree but sizeable. He hit the balls so hard they bounced around the table forever - and when they do that they eventually find a hole. Vince tried to stand up to the beast and give him a game but Roger just laughed as he cleared rack after rack w/ just one shot. So, Vince lost.
Also, Vince - you owe me $9.

Next was Stephanie who was matched up w/ this abomination from hell named Ellen. Ellen was the petite monster on our opponent team standing only 6'6" and weighing in around 400lbs. She had horrendously crooked teeth - much too large for her mouth because they stuck out - green, black slimey teeth - yuk! She also had this huge hunch on her back and breathed w/ a heavy wheeze. Stephanie was terrified. When she had a shot she quickly ran to the table, waved her cue around a bit like it was a wand or a sword or something, and then quickly ran back to our corner and cowered like a sheep. So, Stephanie lost.

Thomas had the unfortunate luck to be matched up w/ this guy Jim, who looked like an old wizard. He had long white hair and a very long pointy nose. His cue was a walking staff that had some sort of large jewel embedded in the butt end. Thomas stood his ground well though and kept the match tied rack after rack. Jim, obviously frustrated, then morphed into some kinda of large, white, hairy abominal snowman. He had these large claws and screeched loudly and scooped all the balls into the pockets using his hands for the last couple racks. Thomas didn't even get a shot after that. What could he do? So, Thomas lost.

I was last but played the same time as Thomas. My opponent was this behomoth named Robbie. Another huge monster. I tell ya, this team was full of 'em. Robbie shook my hand at the beginning of the match and my entire hand didn't even fill Robbie's palm. Also, he almost ripped my arm out the socket. And Robbie's arms were very long. Robbie's knuckles drug the floor as walked around the table. And Robbie didn't use a cue, he just picked up the table and laughed as all the balls obeyed gravity and rolled into a pocket. I started to say something but Robbie gave me a look like he he hadn't eaten in quite a while. All I could do was stand there and applaud Robbie's excellent form. So, I lost.

Our waitress last night was the ever so pleasant Rachel. She was a princess in a land of monsters last night.

Public apology

2008-02-12T08:40:00.001-05:00

Public apology - Vince DID pay me last night - I remember now - my bad - Vince, I apologize.
Now, I will assume a tucked tail position for the rest of the day as I am publicly humiliated by my lack of memory and previous accusatory tone. And don't bother consoling me - I'm beyond it - just let me lay here and suffer in deep depression. Hopefully I will recover from this shameful state and be able to once again hold a pool cue in my hands. As of right now, I don't see that happening anytime soon. Feel free to pray for me in whatever religion you deem appropriate.

Thinking outside the box

2008-02-12T08:40:00.000-05:00

Hey,
Read something last night that I thought was a good example of "thinking outside the box" - just thought I'd share. Besides, you know how much I love to type.

There are these two guys. Both work on Wall Street giving financial advice to various clients.

First guy, Philip, has a PHD in Economics from an ivy league school. He's very smart. He's tall, lean, and dresses in serious dark-colored suits. He's all business at the office and once considered firing his administrative assistant for scheduling a surprise birthday cake celebration on his behalf. But he's well-respected, knows everything, and has had a lot of success in his career.

Second guy, Jim, has a Bachelor of Arts in Philosophy. He's also very smart. He's about 5'7" and weighs about 280lbs and thinks that's just about right for him. [Note to Kevin: this guy's never, ever, ever going to be in Runners World magazine] He's a snappy dresser and many days doesn't bother w/ a tie. He's the first guy to tell a new joke in the office. He's also the best guy to take out to lunch cause he knows where the best food is and how to talk the waiter into giving you a discount price. He's an excellent salesman and has also had a lot of success in his career.

I have a coin. This coin is fair. It's not two-headed, unfairly weighted, or have anything special about it. When flipped you are just as likely to get heads as tails. I embark on a test and flip the coin 99 times. Each time I get heads. Before flipping again I ask each guy what the likely result will be.

Philip, first guy, immediately says chances are 50/50 that you will get heads/tails. The fact that you got 99 heads before is not relevant.
Jim, second guy, laughs - very loudly - quite annoying. He confidently declares Philip an idiot and states that anybody believing that story about the coin being fair probably also believes in the tooth fairy.

So, question to you is this; Who is right? Are you w/ Philip or Jim?

Me? I'm w/ Jim.

Pool night - 02-07-08

2008-02-07T08:30:00.001-05:00

Hey,
We did okay last night. A lot better than last week. We won 52-48.
I'm in a spunky kinda mood this morning so sorry - got a bit long-winded w/ this update.

Vince was the lucky devil to play first. He played Rachel, 40 something hottie. This was the same girl Vince played the last time we played this team. Not sure anyone remembers because we didn't say last night. But I remembered. Anyway, Vince was too busy looking at the bootie, again, and got pummeled. Can't say I'd do better - she's quite a distraction. Vince was also busy trying to annoy Peanut, the waitress, w/ drink questions. Hey Vince, maybe you didn't notice but that girl doesn't have a clue. I heard she broke up w/ her boyfriend lately. She told him; "I'd go the end of the world for you!" He said; "Yes, but would you stay there?"

Big Joe Banks (aka Dave) was next and played Todd (aka Mr. Hot-head). Actually, Todd behaved himself pretty much last night. He has been known to get quite animated - especially when he loses. It was a very close match - Dave won by 4 balls. I didn't notice a lot of the typical Joseph banking however - mostly just straight shooting. It might have something to do w/ Dave's new diet. Maybe yall haven't heard. He eats a plain dry chicken breast for breakfast, then same thing for lunch, then same thing for dinner. He follows that up w/ a half bottle of Jaeger-Meister. Mmm-mm! He's been doing this for about a month - says it marvelous - he's lost 20 pounds! And it doesn't give him the squirts like that all-raisin diet he tried last time!

Next up was Gordon, who has NEVER needed to diet. He told me his secret one time and I guess I can let it out now. He says all you gotta do is "drink one more". You know, when you're drinking and you tell yourself that's enough? Well, what you do is order another! You just gotta "drink one more". That way you get sick and throw up! Diet problem solved! See? That Gordon's a genius! Anyway, Gordon got the pleasure of playing Revina w/ the sore left thumb. Poor girl had it wrapped up like a lollipop. It didn't seem to hinder her stroke but she had to get Todd to do her racks - and there were quite a few of those because Gordon was tearing it up last night. He pretty much smoked her - winning by close to 2 racks.

Then Steph stepped in and took care of bidness. She basically just took her opponent Ryan to school and spanked his little fanny! Poor Ryan - felt sorry for the guy - he had a pretty good stroke and made some good shots - but little did he know that Stephanie had tanked up on a big 'ol cheeseburger just prior to the match. That and a few of her usual ginger-bourbon's. Turned out to be some good "fuel for her because she basically motored around the table cleaning up shot after shot. I don't think anyone could've come close to beating that girl last night.

Hao was next and was showing off his brand new Cuetec cue - really nice cue actually. So I had to give him a chance to test out the new toy. Nothing like a new toy - I love new toys. Anyway, he got matched up w/ the team captain, Doug. Doug's a character - he looks funny but he's really a nice guy if you talk to him. He has this long reddish beard, bald head, stands about 5'3", big gut (like me), and always wears cargo shorts. From a distance you couldn't tell if he's a biker or a tourist. Anyway, little Dougy's a good shot. The match came down to the wire and Doug pulled it out by 3 or 4 balls.

And then there's Peanut. When I got there she was quick to jump on my order - very attentive early on - and then… back to the old Peanut - forgetting orders - disappearing for a long time - standing in the middle of the floor looking at the ceiling w/ the blank stare of a crack whore on acid... I don't get it. And then we've got 2 matches to play and she wants to bring my check. I said no because it's too early and I'll want something else. She brings it anyway saying she's going home early. I saw her an hour later - she didn't go home early. You little biddy! Also, I think she overcharged me as well but I didn't even bother to get my reading glasses to read the receipt - I just flipped her a 20 and shoo'd her away. She's not worth the argument. What a zero!
Maybe one idea is to just get all my drinks from the bar next time she's the waitress. Na, that'd piss her off too much.
I know, next time I'll wear a really tight T-shirt and my Daisy Duke jean shorts and then flaunt in front of her and tell her she can't have any! That'd REALLY drive her crazy, eh? Hmmm, I'll have to think about it. Don't want to cause a riot.
And we did it all last night w/o the company of Thomas and Shunying. Thomas was at his UFO convention of course. Yall be sure and ask him about his abduction experience next week - anal probing and all. And Shunying was out w/ friends partying all night long to celebrate Chinese New Year. Gong Xi Fa Chai! (basically Happy New Year but it really means; wish you fortune and wealth in the new year) This is year of the rat yall! Yea!!! Eat more rat!!! It's on the Playing Field menu if you're interested. It's listed as "Cheeseburger". Right Steph? ahem

Pool night - 01-31-08

2008-01-31T08:36:00.000-05:00

We stunk worse than a construction workers port-a-potty last night. But I still had fun! Kinda like that time when our entire school bus mooned those construction workers on the side of the road - 1 guy working 10 guys watching. Don't know why I thought of that...

Actually, Vince and Stephanie didn't stink cause they didn't get to play. They were there for encouragement, lively conversation, and a little practice. That was one good thing - lots of practice room in the place last night - hardly any regular customers.

Dave - we missed you buddy - see you next week.

So Thomas was first and went to the wire w/ Joe Warfel Jr - big daddy Warfel. In the end it was one of those - I don't want to win you win - no I don't want to win, you go ahead - no, I mean it this time, you go ahead and win… Thomas had the last laugh and finally squeeked out the win by 1 ball.

Gordon was next and played pregnant Elizabeth. He basically let her win out of sympathy, the big lug. I think he just felt sorry for her because her teammates kept making pig sounds. Actually I told her afterwards I was going to report her as cheating - 2 against 1 isn't fair.

Shunying was neck and neck w/ her oponent Timothy - then I had to leave and play my match and it went down hill from there. Obviously my mental telepathy encouragement abilities work better when I'm standing right there as opposed to when I'm across the room. My fault Shunying - I'll work on that.

I played Joe III - son of big daddy. First game I came out blazing. Little did I know I was running on a short fuse last night cause it went straight to hell immediately thereafter and I lost by 2 racks. Jaybird needs to practice more in the garage.

Hao was last and played the ginormous Shaun - "huge" barely does justice to describe this behemoth of a man. Also, ginormous Shaun had a very awkward practice stroke - I kept thinking he was going to hit the cue ball by accident. Anyway Shaun put all that meat on the table and took the win but Hao kept it very close - w/ 4 balls.

Pool night - 01-24-08

2008-01-24T08:30:00.001-05:00

We were off last week – had a bye

Pool night - 01-17-08

2008-01-18T08:30:00.000-05:00

So, let's hear details of last night...
We lost last night but not by much. 56-44 - lost by 8 measley points - de nada!

Shunying was first - welcome back to pool! Nice to see you and your husband spending quality time together. And if he gets on your nerves - it's okay - you can yell at Hao in front of us. Heck, that's marriage! You can say; don't tease me, don't make fun of me, don't give me any advice, and… sleep on the couch downstairs until you hear otherwise. Heh heh! Just kiddin.
Shunying had to play Lisa Cleavage, I mean Lisa. Poor Lisa couldn't afford to buy a complete blouse - she had to opt for one of those w/ half the fabric - front was completely open - girl must be outta her MIND to wear something like that to play pool in. And then she kept w/ the off/on of the ipod - don't know what that was about. Whatever. So, Lisa was a 1 and only needed 14 points to win and she got them. Shunying just had some unlucky leaves and scratches and Lisa got lucky.

David was next and played Laura who was much more sensibly dressed w/ a sweater. However Laura had a tattoo of Mr. Peanut on her chest. So sensible clothes but stupid tattoo. I dunno - who am I to say? Maybe the girl just really likes peanuts! Also, I will say she was also sortof a sterotypical red-headed hot-head. She didn't open her mouth all that often but when she did it was loud and… colorful. This match went to the wire and Dave lost by one ball. Story of his life - for a complete medical history ask Dave.

Vince was next and played Calvin. Calvin was new to 9-ball but not new to APA. He'd been playing 8-ball previously and wanted to see how life is in the big leagues. (ahem) Vince took no mercy on him and had him rattled from the get-go. Good playing Vince - nice way to welcome a newby - pound him into the dirt - show him 9-ball is a bit tougher than 8, eh? Calvin also had to learn the hard way that it's best to take your cell phone off and leave it on the table while you play. He got ringed in mid-shot - and missed of course. Most of us have learned by now to just put it on buzz and leave it on the table. So Vince chalked up win - way to go big guy!

Thomas played same time as Vince and had to play Max (SL6). I remember Max from another team out of Side-Pocket a while back. Max reminds me of a non-kempt artist for some reason. He's smart and funny, good w/ a karioke mic and a pool cue, yet dresses and shaves like a bum. I can live w/ that - nothing wrong w/ that. Thomas didn't seem to have a problem w/ it either and took care of business winning the match.

Brad Post was the other team captain, a SL6. If I had the energy I would've played him but as the night wore on I fell sharply off and was just too tired to do it. I had a 5-hr car drive earlier yesterday and had stayed up late every night for the past sev nights drinking, crying, laughing, etc. Anyway, Hao was thrown against Brad. I knew he'd have a tough time w/ Brad cause Brad is just darn good. BTW, Lisa Cleavage is Brads wife. Anyway, Brad won by a rack or so. Hao was good to stay w/ it though. He tried!

Our server last night was Peanut. I ordered a ginger ale - she brought it to me w/ the glass about 3/4 full - she took it w/o asking me when it was half-full. That pretty much says it all.

Email about office being closed for a holiday

2008-01-10T13:00:00.000-05:00

Got an Email from a coworker reminding us that the office is closed and that we have the day off on 1/21 for MLK day. Here was my reply:

Oh, it's a holiday alright but the office is not closed. It's never closed. It's like 7-11. It just stays open 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Heck, this year it's open 366 days cause it's a leap year!

It's a trick I tell you! Management has planned it this way! They don't lock you out cause they want you to come in an work your fingers to the bone EVERY SINGLE DAY! They say things like; "well yeah, technically it's a holiday, but don't you have that big project you're working on? Do you think you'll complete it by the due date? You know, the office isn't REALLY closed on Monday. You can really get caught up on your project if you come in and work!"

And then there's the ability to work from home! Or even worse, from a blackberry! There's no end to it I tell you!

Oh, the humanity!!!